To be honest during a lot of my social media experience it has somewhat felt like there is an elephant in the room when people ask me about the church and my religion. For me it is really complicated! And I have found through relating to so many other people online that it is complicated for a lot of people. So I wanted to share a bit about my experience…
To be honest during a lot of my social media experience it has somewhat felt like there is an elephant in the room when people ask me about the church and my religion. For me it is really complicated! And I have found through relating to so many other people online that it is complicated for a lot of people. So I wanted to share a bit about my experience… because I have found it feels SO good to not feel alone in a religion and to relate to people. I also realize that a lot of different people will read this and a lot may not know about the church and its lingo so to speak – so I have gone through and hyperlinked any terms or words used that you may not know what they are – hopefully that will answer your questions better than I could. Also, get cozy this is a long post.
I grew up and am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints – my parents were both members when they got married. My dad actually baptized my mom when she was 16 years old. Both of my parents have really strong testimonies and we went to church pretty much every Sunday. We read scriptures (almost) every morning as a family, we prayed before every dinner, we had family home evening on Mondays, and we were basically your stereotypical members. We lived in Mesa, Arizona and for those that haven’t been there, it is basically a mini Provo, Utah (aka LOTS of members of the church there!) It was a bit like a bubble. Actually, it was VERY much a bubble.
I always felt a little different in the church because I was on the more “rebellious” side. I definitely loved to push the limits and I loved boys lol. As a member of the church I was always encouraged in church and at home to wait until I was 16 to have my first date. I did not wait til I was 16 and definitely did not wait til I was 16 to kiss a guy. I think my first kiss was in 6th grade and that just lit a flame for me and I was a very curious young girl. Looking back, all the “mistakes” I made that I beat myself up for and felt so dirty for, weren’t even that bad. I mean in the grand scheme of things, it was all very normal. I wish I had known it was normal instead of feeling so much shame for doing things that are perfectly normal for an angsty teen.
I think now as an adult it makes me resent certain things that I now see as incredibly damaging to youth. I am not going to get into all of it because a lot of these things are ward specific or even bishop and leader specific. However an example would be this: We are taught we need to confess sins to my bishop. So I definitely made my fair share of visits to the bishop and as a part of the repentance process I was told not to take the sacrament each time. As an adult I would never allow a bishop to tell my child they can’t take the sacrament. I see no purpose or lesson learned there. I only see shame and humiliation in front of their siblings. That is one example, there are more – but basically just things I have reflected on and want to make sure my kids don’t experience.
Fast forward to college and marriage. David and I got married in the temple – we got married in the South Jordan temple. I never really saw anything but a temple marriage to even be an option for me. Like I said – Mesa was a bubble and Provo was just an extension of that bubble. Looking back I am not sure I was ever going to be ready for garments and what that entails. The Mormon church’s version of modesty has always been incredibly difficult for me. It just doesn’t feel like me and never has. I always was wearing short shorts and tank tops growing up. My parents were not strict on this and always let me wear bikinis as well – which I am really grateful for actually.
I have learned that modesty is an individual thing – and garments are a private matter between the individual and God. I had made my personal decision that I would wear them except for photoshoots for the blog (back when they were more outfit posts and not lifestyle). I started to post photos of me on the blog where people could tell I was not wearing garments. This upset people, so many people, to a degree that I can’t even fathom. I had countless upset people commenting and discussing the matter on forums. I had someone even write a letter to my in laws saying “Brother and Sister Clark, you should be ashamed of your new daughter in law…” it goes on but that was the part that stuck with me. I couldn’t understand why people were so mad. This really created a rift for me and confused me.
Fast forward to being in New York City. I was really struggling with the community aspect but kept trying. I felt like we had moved into the best ward EVER. I was so excited – everyone seemed warm and non judgmental. They seemed “cool”. I desperately needed an open minded group of people who were open to me being a member of the church and doing my own thing. To me that sounds simple, just accept me for me and let me do my thing and you all do your thing. I had just been raving to David how much I just loved our ward, it really felt so welcoming, and that is when I found a forum online. There was this evil forum where incredibly hurt people go to be sad with other hurt people in the form of talking trash about other people who intimidate them. On this forum I read something like the following:
“Okay you guys, the Clarks moved into my ward and I have all the dirt. David gave a talk this Sunday and (blah blah said something about how his talk was SoOo LaMe) and Amber sits there on her phone and looks like she is trying out for a pageant” .. they kept going on and on. And in that moment I was literally CRUSHED. Every Sunday from then on I looked around at everyone thinking “was it her?” “could it have been her?” .. I felt so uncomfortable, so not welcome, and that really affected everything.
I kept trying to separate the two – the church and all the people who are from my same church who just tear me down constantly. It was SO hard for me to separate them. It honestly took years to separate myself from it all.
The biggest thing that helped me was anytime I would get a comment like “it’s so obvious you’re not wearing your garments” I just started saying, “you are right, I am NOT wearing my garments!” and anytime someone tried to tell me I was being a bad example I would simply do an internal eye roll and let them know that I think I lead with a great example of what a loving and hard working mother can look like. And as soon as I started to just talk about it openly is when I stopped getting SO much hate. Off and on over the years I would try to wear them again and realized sometimes I was wearing them just because of social pressure and never because my heart and testimony knew them to be what they are meant to be. I know that disappoints a lot of people to hear – that I don’t have a testimony of garments. I wish I could say I am sorry or that I care that it disappoints you but I am not sorry and I don’t care. I know that sounds harsh but I have really had to learn to TRULY not care what people think about me in relation to this topic to remain a member of the church. And I can honestly say that at this point I could walk into church and everyone could be thinking “omg I cannot believe she isn’t wearing her garments” and I would be like “okay cool. Hey, I love your dress” with my head held high. And not held high like the fake it til you make it type – but the kind where I really am just detached from the possible opinions.
My hope is that the church and we as members can learn to accept people who are doing the Mormon thing their way. I really don’t believe you’re all in or you’re all out – or that you have to be at least. I don’t know why that is so hard for some people to see.. I mean we always talk about missionary work and bringing people in but what about KEEPING the people in who are already there? Would you rather them just leave because they don’t do every single thing perfectly? Or I guess I should say, your version of “perfectly”. Because to me, my version is perfect. I feel 100% at peace with my relationship with God – I feel deeply that He loves me and accepts me for who I am. I am confident in the way David and I are raising our kids. I feel we have a spiritual relationship and put family and God first. I know you can love the church and not agree with all of it. I want to go to church on Sundays but also make sure my kids are not being held to standards that quite frankly, I find are unrealistic and curate a culture of shame. I feel like the culture of the church is slowly shifting in really positive ways and I hope it continues to do that.
Life ebbs and flows in so many ways – sometimes work is going really great and sometimes it is not. Political opinions change, friends come and go, our moods and thoughts are always changing, etc. I don’t know why the ebbs and flows of testimony and church experience are any different. It is perfectly normal to have questions and periods of reflection that cause you to wonder how you want to proceed.
I do know that I am a daughter of God. I know that we can be with our family forever in heaven. I know that Jesus came to earth and died for us. I know that God loves us and wants us to grow and learn on this earth and that means making mistakes along the way. I know He loves us, including our imperfections. I believe that all families look different – they don’t have to be a man and a woman and I believe that Heavenly Father loves all families regardless of what makes them unique and special. I believe it isn’t up to us to decide if someone else is “sinning” – only they themselves and God can decide that. I believe that we are all unique and what makes a happy and special life is so different for each of us. For some of us that may mean the Mormon church and for some that might not be. I dislike the narrative that anyone who leaves the church is unhappy because that simply is not true. The ultimate goal is to find peace and happiness in life and I have seen truly happy people from all walks of life and from all religions. It is not one size fits all. I deeply hope that we can be more accepting of people who are a bit in the middle – take some of it but not all of it – within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If we can’t do that we will lose a LOT of really amazing people.
Here are some of the questions you guys had asked me on IG:
How has the church affected your view of sexuality if at all?
This is such a great question because I don’t think it is talked about a lot. I was very in touch with my sexuality from a somewhat young age and I do wish that I had felt more normal about that. The church is very extreme when it comes to how conservative it is with sexuality and I think that all comes from great intentions but can really be a recipe for deflated self worth if you go against it. I just hope to teach my kids that having those sexual feelings are NORMAL and I hope to have a lot of open dialogues about all of it throughout their whole life. I honestly have so many thoughts on just this topic alone, I really could go on and on.
How does David feel about you not wearing garments?
One of the things I love most about David is that he just lets me be me and accepts me for whatever that is. From DAY ONE of my journey with garments David has been 100% in support of whatever my heart and spirit is telling me to do. He has never once took issue with it in any way, shape, or form and has only been my supporter through this journey. I am not going to speak for David and his faith but he absolutely is in full support of me always and I am always in full support of him.
How do you feel about polygamy and Joseph Smith?
I think polygamy is really weird and I don’t like to think about it to be honest. Mormons do not practice polygamy – but yeah they did back in the day and it honestly weirds me the freak out. A lot of the details from that time weird me out. I try to just focus on God honestly.
How do you navigate the church while supporting LGBTQ+ members?
My opinion on this is different from the church and I have a really hard time with that. It makes me sad that so many feel alienated. I wish I had a good answer but I am still trying to figure some of these things out. I fully support LGBTQ + community with my whole heart.
How do you feel about the church’s stance on women?
A few versions of this question and this is tricky because I think the church’s stance is different from the cultural stance – if that makes sense. I can only tell you my personal opinion on women in the church. I think we as members need to teach young girls that they can have AMAZING and fulfilling careers.. AND be amazing moms and wives at the same time!! I think we should teach them to think about themselves and not place so much emphasis on marriage… and please for the love, NO more telling girls to pray for their future husband. Tell them to pray for themselves and work on themselves. They should not be thinking about marriage that young let alone praying for a man they don’t know yet. And I think teaching men to always be prepared to pull their weight at home and potentially be the stay at home dad to support their wife if she should choose to have a turn chasing a career. If we are teaching the girls how to sew and bake bread let’s teach the boys too. I am so lucky to have a husband who stepped up and is a hands on dad who supports me as I take on a career. I think we need to talk about those possibilities more and make sure girls know they can have dreams of being a mom but they can also dream about endless possibilities in addition to that. David and I also want to teach our kids about their Heavenly Mother and have them feel the female power through their prayers too.
So what exactly is your stance in the church currently?
Currently we go to church (or mostly doing church at home lately) almost every Sunday. I have some things I am still figuring out .. and how to exactly navigate those things I don’t believe and the things I do and how to teach my kids that. I think it is okay to show them though that they can think for themselves and figure them out just like I am figuring it out. I don’t feel like I need to be a perfect example in order to be a good example and so to be honest I consider myself an active member and am totally content with my role in the church at the moment. I teach Sunday School and love being able to learn from the kids I teach.
OKAY that is all for now – part two will be coming soon since there were SO many questions about this topic!!! Only respectful comments otherwise you gone – peace out.
Thank you for sharing! You helped me want to do better and be better.
I’m so glad I took the time to read this! I remember that everyone is different and will have differing feelings and emotions on religious topics. So I try to have an open mind. Wether I agree or not, that doesn’t mean we can’t get along. Thank you for not bashing the church. Your journey and feelings are totally ok and valid. I’m so sorry that you had a negative (possibly many being an influencer I’m sure it was a lot ) negative experiences with your ward. What they said and did was wrong, and I’m so sorry♥️ Your a great Mom and you and David are great parents! Thanks for sharing!
Your article is amazing! My wife chose awhile ago to stop wearing her garments, I struggled at first, but then realized she is on her own journey much like the rest of us. The gospel is so very personal and has to be. I don’t see a loving father in heaven condemning us for things we have a difficult time with. He loves us regardless. And you are spot on that there is something in the middle. Thanks again for sharing.
Thanks for sharing. A very interesting and open post.
It seems to me that you don’t agree with many of the values of Mormonism? If you weren’t affiliated with any religion today and had this info, would you join? Don’t you think that this faith might not be for you then? Are you maybe holding on to something? I am asking out of pure interest and I apologize if this question is inappropriate in your eyes. I don’t want to attack you or anything like that. Hoping for an answer.
I wish you all the best!
I just came across this post and want to thank you for sharing. This is SO important, especially for us who don’t fit the typical Mormon mold. I’m learning to be confident in the way I do things and the way I believe and not worry so much about what everyone else thinks of me. This post was very insightful. Keep being a bright light.
Thank You for sharing. I love it
The same thing happened to me. It was humiliated but no matter what I keep Strong because I love our church is just that sometimes people believe they are perfect but unfortunately I’m learning, healing and growing.
Thank You for sharing! Keep in the church but never hide your own unique talents. Keep going strong, beautiful.
The same thing happened to me. I got in trouble twice, it was humiliated… the third time I keep it for myself and my Heavenly Father. Period
Convinced we are soul sisters after reading this 💕💕💕 right there with you.
Heavenly Mother is one of my main issues with the church. It bothers me so much that we don’t talk about Her. That half the population is left to just go, what about me? Having daughters, I absolutely don’t want them only thinking of the world and dirty in proverbial “he” “him” “his”. I want them to be feeling and noticing the feminine and noticing HER and seeing themselves too, not ignoring themselves becuase the world of Christianity and Mormonism defaults to everything “he”.
Thank you SO much for posting this. I’m in the process of joining the church and this post addressed so many of my same thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Thank you thank you thank you ❤️
Amber THANK YOU!! I really appreciate you speaking up. I am also a member, and I struggle with some things too but we are all on our own spiritual journeys, and I really wish people within the church weren’t so judgmental of that. People can be so snotty but they are not representing Christ. The most important thing is our own relationships with God, I wish people would stop worrying about everyone else and worry about themselves. Just like the garment thing. I also wear them, I have always felt comfortable in them but that’s not the case for everyone and I LOVE how you mentioned you want to wear them for YOU and because YOU want to. Beautiful.
I am so sorry for the negative aspects you experienced at church. I wish I was there to cheer you on cause everything you say sounds so healthy!! God is love, it’s the people who are judgemental and misinterpret the Bible or God. And I feel so sorry for every person who has to go through the pain of Christian people failing humans. Big love, you are amazing!
Wearing your garments is between you and god. Every sin is between you and god. That doesn’t make it ok. The church is making a big push against people making justifications against wearing their garments. As much as you would like to justify it is still wrong.
You were probably struggling with details of the LDS Church and Joseph Smith because they preach a different gospel than the true gospel of the Bible! You should try going to a non-denominational Christian Church. You will find the acceptance and love you are searching for because they follow the true Jesus! My Husband does evangelism to LDS members because it breaks our heart to see amazing devoted people who were raised in the LDS Church who are following a different Jesus than the Bible preaches. I think you are so so awesome and I love watching how loving and adventurous you are with your family! Feel free to message back if you are curious about anything I sent. 😊
In tears. I am in a similar situation (minus your fame 😉 and really appreciate you articulating many of the feelings I haven’t been able to put into words.
This was a fascinating and vulnerable read. Thank you so much for pouring your heart out to us. I have always been curious about this and I really loved reading how you feel. I am inspired by your ability to be a free thinker and a *dare I say* a feminist, or at least a woman who is willing to put the rights and desires of women first.
Thank you Amber 💛
Although I am not of the LDS faith, I RELATE to this 1000%. You do you, boo. Amazing post. Praying for you as you continue your walk with Christ!
Thank you for this. A million times. Thank you.
I agree. And I’m a full blown practicing member of the church myself( why is it anyone’s business what’s under your clothes? Isn’t that between you and god anyway? My mom openly admitted during her 5 pregnancies she never wore them, the area she lived in made her horribly uncomfortable. If you’re serving, exercising good values, it doesn’t matter ❤️ Personally I’m almost 40 and haven’t ever been able to digest that part of the faith and don’t know if I ever will. But it doesn’t make me a bad person for feeling different. Differences = compassion/diversity.
I wish we could sit down immersion and chat, because I feel very similar to you. I remember feeling ashamed at first but then I just owned it and found my friends loved and support me for where I am at. Thanks for sharing your story! You do you, girl!
Thank you so much for being open and honest about this! As a member of the church this is refreshing to know I am not the only one. I’m single, unwed in my early 30s. While the pandemic had shutdown attending, I’ve been struggling with my place. I don’t feel I have a place in a family ward, I feel out of place. I live in Denver, where there isn’t mid single wards, and honestly, I too have always felt a bit more on the rebellious side. I struggle to believe I will have a marriage or supportive partner who won’t care if I wear garments or not, because I feel like a lot of this cookie cutter culture is still so heavy. I am a women who chose to pursue a career over chasing a man. I’ve traveled to over 20+ countries by myself. I have so much to offer and hate how society pressures women to believing that they have no value if they have no man. In some ways I’ve changed my views a bit on modesty and purity. I don’t think its right to shame people who’ve had sex before marriage, and while I still believe that intimacy should be between a couple and in marriage, I will not shame anyone who has or who is struggling with that aspect. A women’s virginity is not her identity. I am still trying to figure out what place I have in this church, but have faith that God will guide me to know what is right and have peace with myself again.
I applaud you for speaking about this! I honestly can’t believe that a church would put so much emphasis on judgement, perfection, and wearing specific clothing that covers up the body that God GAVE YOU!! It’s just so bizarre to me and I’m glad you just do your own thing. I’m not Mormon but was always confused by all of the secrecy involved and why everyone looks and acts so perfect all time. That just isn’t real life. I also hate how poorly women are treated compared to men!! And, I mean, snarky message boards?! That goes against everything I’ve ever learned in church! So many antiquated rules in effect here…I can’t imagine what it’s like to be born into a religion like this. Seems like you’re doing a great job 🙂
Hi!
I just saw your comment and just felt impressed to say something. Sidenote this is not a mean or “well let me tell you” comment 😂
I’m just all about supporting others who speak their feelings and hope others respect me to do the same and when I see something that might be based on something a little out of context I just like to add my info to help. I’m a strong believer that education and information is the best way to have empathy and understanding for all people and lifestyles🤗
First, The garment is not intended to cover up your body or hide anything. We believe strongly that bodies are amazing beautiful gifts from God and that he wants us to love and be proud of them, and care for and respect them.
The garment is a symbol of a reminder of promises that we make with him. Similar to how Hindus have their special jewelry and reminders, as well as Jews. Many religions have reminders… ours happen to be garments.
It’s actually really kind of cool the more you learn about it, I’m literally choosing to wear symbols of promises I made with God. I think that’s pretty fantasy level awesome! Haha
As to what you said about how women are treated. I’m sure you have your reasons, maybe you heard something from someone or saw a meme or something. I don’t know what experiences you have had , or what others have had , but what I can say is that everything in the doctrine and the core teachings of the church of Jesus Christ never teaches that women or men are lesser than the other. They are a team.
I’ve seen plenty of jokes Memes and comments from people saying this or that about women in the church, but the truth is they’ve never gone to my church, they don’t know the doctrines, so really what are they basing their information on? When you get down to it nothing, their argument has no foundation,
As someone who is a part of the church, and loves to study the doctrine, (The doctrine, not the people, because people are flawed.) I know that I am a powerful, important Child of God, as are all of his daughters. He loves his daughters so much!
Anyway sorry I got kind of long LOL. I hope it was informative,
And again I hope we can all just respect and speak highly of each other‘s choices lifestyles and things that are important to us.
Hi, and thank you for your very thoughtful response! My comments come from friends talking about their personal experiences although I realize that everyone’s personal experiences are much different. I apologize if my comments came across as offensive or ignorant! I only said about covering up…it just looked to me personally that there are many things one couldn’t wear if those were underneath. I do understand about certain items being sacred in religion, I guess maybe it’s just something I wouldn’t understand unless I were a Mormon ….but it’s not my job to judge or approve of it, I get that 🙂
As for the women being treated differently, I was specifically speaking of instances where it seems like if a couple gets divorced, it is somehow looked at like the woman couldn’t make her husband happy…meaning he gets treated better by the church than her. I’ve heard this first hand. I’m glad that hasn’t been your experience. I’ve definitely learned through these blogs how different things are from church to church! I really do love learning about our differences, thank you for responding so kindly and informed. 🙂
Of course!
I love being able to have discussions about these topics and it’s even more pleasant when the other person enjoys “discussing” too and not simply arguing haha, so thank you!
That does just break my heart that your friend has been treated that way…. I suppose though it seems like society in general does that to women, wouldn’t ya say???
I do have a friend whose husband recently left her (she’s a member of of my church) but she’s had a whole group of us supporting her encouraging and loving her. So hearing that your friend hasn’t had quite the same experience makes me so grateful that we’re at least there for her, I hope mote and not less women that get divorced feel supported and loved 🥺
Anyway, I think it’s great that you enjoy learning, I feel the world would be a better place if more people educated themselves on a personal level with other religions and lifestyles.
Sorry this got long again LOL 😂
I really hope you see this. I love everything you said EXCEPT, the church does still practice polygamy and believes it is practiced in heaven. Russell Nelson AND Dallin H. Oaks are currently sealed to two women.
Wow thank you so much for sharing! Your words were perfect and just what I needed to hear. I have been feeling the same way and you took the words right out of my mouth. Talking about other people’s underwear is no ones business. My heart is swelling right now, you gave me hope and I’m so happy for you and your family. I’m thankful you have such a supportive husband as well. Just for the record, I do too and he’s helping me navigate this crazy life. Again, thank you for sharing your heart!
Amber thank you so much for sharing your testimonies and thoughts. You are an incredible, beautiful light. I hope this blog encourages a lot of people to push the church culture to be better, cause I know it’s definitely wanting me to be better! Please, let’s do our part to be more loving, kind, and respectful regardless where people are on their spiritual journey. Because God loves people NO matter what circumstances they are in. Thanks for your beautiful insight. Keep striving queen. :)))
Perfect!!! I have never felt closer to my family or Christ since I stepped away from the church. You have a healthy stand on it all ❤👊
I truly feel that your words are empowering to other women and my heart breaks that your second post caused such a negative reaction. I know how tough that must be. I left the church a long time ago but it’s still something that I hold close to my heart and if members even took a little bit of your advice the church would be in such a better state. Hopefully you’re able to repost your part 2. I’m hanging on every word!
I left a comment on today’s post with sincere questions. I am so sorry if they came across as too personal or judge mental! Now that I’ve read this post, you actually did explain a lot of your experience with garments and the church already. This is very vulnerable and raw to share, I’m sure. I hope you continue to feel peace, thanks for sharing your heart with us
You are amazing. I am so glad you shared this because I know you’ve been guarded and for good reason!! Loved what you said about keeping the members no matter their decisions that are personal. Love you! ♥️
Thank you for sharing your heart and thoughts! I resonate on so many levels! It’s (the cultural stuff-and finding your own way or even knowing you can have your own way) soooo much to digest and figure out in such a short period of our lives and bless you omg for doing it in the public eye! You’re incredible and such an amazing example!
I’ve felt a lot of these same things. Ultimately, our family decided to leave the church. It has been the most freeing, eye opening, self affirming experience of my life. We are TRULY the happiest we have ever been and it is NOT because of Satan 😁. My 20 year marriage is the best it’s ever been, my relationships with my children is the way I’ve always wanted it to be. I hope you can learn to trust your own thoughts and feelings and do what brings YOU happiness. The church does not own that and it does not own yours. You are a beautiful woman who’s light deserves to shine the way you see fit!
I love that part about Heavenly Mother and acknowledging that Divine Feminine energy also. We have to continually acknowledge spiritual female power because it exists.
Very refreshing. Read the ces letter. If the church is true, there is nothing to fear.
You’re changing lives in the best way, Amber. So happy that you’ve been able to learn how to navigate being true to your spirit. I remember being reprimanded for voicing my abhorrence for our activity of “listing qualities we required in a husband” and for individual meetings with the bishop (no child should be pressured into meeting with a grown man to tell them about their sins). I’ve felt a disconnect with the church since I was in primary. I finally left after I had children and realized that there is no way in hell that God uses fear and guilt to control his children into upholding arbitrary standards. Our journey back to God is an individual one and doesn’t have to follow anyone else’s framework of truth.
So proud of you! Thank you for sharing your light! I learned so much as I read your experience. There is not only room in the church for women like you but we NEED women like you. We are raising our sons AND DAUGHTERS to go for their dreams. I loved what you said about being an example of a mother who is also successful in her career. I am so sorry that you have been judged so harshly and I hope that won’t drive you away. Just tonight as we discussed Come Follow Me it was about not turning anyone away from the church who wants to be there – as we discussed this as a family I realized how often people can feel unwelcome – if they smell like smoke or have tattoos or a shorter skirt. How silly is that?! Anyway, thank you again!
When I was decided if the church was the right choice for me I did A LOT of investigating on lds social media influencers just to see what their lives looked like. Amber, you were one of the main people that made me feel like there was a place for me to get to know God in this church without the pressure of wearing garments. I was endowed 1000% only because I decided to serve a mission and I met with countless people before to tell them that I was uncomfortable with garments and didn’t want to wear them. I had multiple panic and anxiety attacks in the temple and felt a lot of sadness in the temple due to feeling forced to being endowed. I served my mission and struggled with garments the entire time, with lots of anxiety, panic and depression. I came home depressed about feeling so stuck and had anxiety and panic attacks for months before I finally decided to take them off. I felt it was easier for me to have a relationship with God when I could stop focusing on on how out of place and stuck I felt wearing garments and just say a prayer and talk about literally anything else. I stalked your insta for hours and other lds influencers who didn’t wear garments and appreciated that you still posted pictures saying you were going to church. It felt a lot less like I had failed and more than I was allowed to maintain my relationship with God without feeling like I had to dress a certain way because others expected me to. Your whole blog means so much to me and aligns so much with how I feel. Thank you! And you’re an incredible mom ❤️
Amber, my heart aches for you that you found someone in your NYC backbiting about you. You don’t deserve that! As a fellow member of the church and fellow sister, I support you and I focus on my OWN sins and my OWN path and no one else’s walk. Please know you at least have one “sister in Zion” who will love and accept you no matter what! That’s the Lord’s way.
Amber, I have followed you for many many years. Since your early years in New York. I Did judge you because I knew you had married in the temple and didn’t wear garments. I’m so sorry! I was young and immature. I now have learned not to judge ANYONE not even those who share most of their lives as influencers on social media. I have loved seeing your family grow and see your adventures!
Thank you for sharing the part about how missionary work is also keeping current members active. I will go on and teach that to my kids and young women I teach.
Thank you wholeheartedly for your openness. And again I apologize for my judgement (never openly) and for those that have hurt you with their judgement. I’m happy for you for having grown and paying no heed to them.
Amber, you are a daughter of God and you have agency. It’s one of Gods greatest gifts to us. You get to choose whether you live the gospel or not. The only thing I would say to you as a friend or sister, is that having one foot in and one foot out of living the gospel and following the commandments can’t ultimately work. The apostles have taught many times that the day will come when you will HAVE to choose. It doesn’t effect me if you wear garments or not. I only wish for you to feel the joy of obedience and being blessed bc of obedience. It stinks when people have bad experiences in the church bc of other people’s choices. I’m sorry you have had to deal with that. All that matters is your relationship with God and that has been the beauty of home church is that you get to hone in on that concept. Good luck and don’t let satan win
This was a beautiful post. It goes beyond the Church of LDS. So many people from so many religions feel the same, Amber. Most religions and denominations- especially the bigger ones put arbitrary restrictions on people that are very hard to abide by. What happens is people do come to pick and choose what things to abide by but often become very hypocritical to others and assume a level of superiority to justify their own actions. It’s sad. Just know that God is God but man created religion. God pretty much left 10 rules for us and a prayer to him. The rest- that’s all someone’s interpretation. And what makes their interpretation any better than yours or mine? Nothing. It’s an opinion. A belief. You are a fine person and raising good, moral and respectful children who will grow to be respectable and contributing adults. You are considering their emotions and psyche as much as their religion. You’re doing great. Xx
I will be 100% honest and say that I have judged you in the past. My Mormon girlfriends and I judged you. And you are right! It was about us! Not about you. It was about trying to balance all the dichotomies in the church. It was about discharging discomfort into someone who “wasn’t doing it right” so our anguish in not doing it perfectly felt better.
I left the Church (or I believe the church left me when I really read and studied and found out the truth) and I can’t believe how open I can be now. It’s taken time to stop those snap judgment thoughts but my whole family is so much happier. I’m happy that you have found some version of peace for you and your family.
This is an amazing resource if you haven’t seen it! It helped us so much on our journey. I wish all members would read it.
https://www.letterformywife.com/the-letter
So glad you were humble enough to say this! I was one of those people who judged her too (but I never said or posted my thoughts because I knew I was in the wrong). I was jealous that I was following all the rules and such but life was hard. And she was doing her own thing and seemed WAY happier. Especially too because we both had are first kids on the same day!! June 18th 2014! Wahoo!!! and I looked blahhh and she looked amazing! haha. Long story short though, I am no longer a member for the last 18 months and feel SO MUCH BETTER. I don’t compare myself like I did in the church and I am so genuinely happy for people who will just be themselves! I want people to be authentic and happy. Anyway thanks for you comment Mc and thank you for those blog Amber!
I’m so sorry to hear what you had to go trough and I hope that people will show more love in the future!
I’m a member in Europe and have a very different experience.
I have never been shamed by what I wear or by the boys I dated at young age. I was taught by youth leaders that we are “sexual creations” and in the right place and person it ll be the greatest gift we can have.
We were also taught to educate our self the best possible was. And most of the families I know both parents works and are at parental leave.
I think the problem is not the religion but the culture and the people.
What is your stance on tithing?
Wonderful!!!
AMAZING!! I have FELT EXACTLY this way regarding garments! So please give yourself a big hug from be because you were following such a strong prompting to open yourself up and share this for people like me feeling alone on the subject. Thank you!!
You are the best! It is so great to read your blog!
https://e-meistars.lv/
You are amazing! I am an active member of the LDS church and I love everything you said. I particularly love what you said about not having to be all in or all out. I think religion should make you happy, and that means you can leave aside the parts that don’t make you happy without having to ditch all of it. I am so sorry that anyone said anything disparaging or hurtful about you. You are brave and beautiful and inspiring!
Thank you for being vulnerable about your experiences in the Church. As a member myself, I can’t imagine being shamed publicly for the way that I personally live. It’s sad to hear how other members have treated you and Im sorry that you’ve had to have that experience. I wanted to let you know that I appreciate what you’ve said about girls being taught to have careers and how the LDS community needs to move away from stereotypical gender roles. As a working mom, I’ve sometimes been frustrated with the way we frame women and men in LDS culture. I think the Church is moving away from this and I hope we can continue to build strong girls and mothers.
Thank you for your post! I can’t imagine being in the public eye and having hurtful things said to you constantly. You are one tough girl and are amazing! I don’t follow many influencers, but I’ve always loved your style and have thought you were always kind and respectful. I can’t wait for your next post! ☺️😘
Wow, I almost joined the Mormon church a few years back & this makes me so so happy I didn’t!! Thanks for sharing your authentic self amby!!! You will never know the impact you give so many others ❤️❤️❤️
My heart and mind feel peace and comfort reading your post! I share your same thoughts and feelings. I feel understood and validated knowing that it’s ok, as you’ve said to “be your own kind of spiritual.” You’re amazing lady! Thank you for being your authentic self, it truly invites and allows others to do the same 💕
Hey Amber! Thank you for sharing this post. So I did not grow up in the LDS church but I did grow up in a Baptist church, and I am making a LOT of parallels with my experience to yours. Since entering my 20s, I completely stepped away from any sort of church community because the environment is too triggering to be a part of at the moment. I have a lot of respect for your ability to still show up in your own way to your church, even with the judgement of so many. I’ve found that I don’t have to have the physical church to have a relationship with my creator. I’ve actually found that my spiritual relationship is stronger without the added pressure of “church.” Nevertheless, I appreciate you speaking on behalf of your experience and encourage ANYONE to continue to question why they associate with their religion, what is the history of it, what am I supporting and ultimately living by, etc. Your experience is amazing to hear, regardless of not having been raised the same way. Keep speaking your truth and a haring your truth.
With love, Karoline
I really appreciated this. I also grew up in a mesa bubble in a strong and active family. I’ve never questioned anything because I never knew anything different. I love my savior and I don’t know where I would be without the knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father and the atonement that I have. However, since moving out on my own for college I’ve had to figure out for myself how I think on just about everything. I’ve realized that there are a lot of parts of the gospel, that I just don’t know if I agree with but that’s ok! I am a good Christian, I know what I know. And I’m figuring out the other stuff. I appreciate hearing from your own journey, that was very comforting.
I enjoyed your truth so much, thank you. My favorite are your words below:
I do know that I am a daughter of God. I know that we can be with our family forever in heaven. I know that Jesus came to earth and died for us. I know that God loves us and wants us to grow and learn on this earth and that means making mistakes along the way.
I think your heart is so genuine and sincere. I am not Mormon but had a nanny who was Mormon who struggled with all of these same concepts. We talked and cried a lot together. She eventually left the church and is doing so well emotionally especially since she doesn’t experience the same shame she used to. Not that you’ll see this post but your thoughts and heart really seem to align with the Protestant Christian church – whatever denomination. Maybe you could experience an amazing sense of community there?
These were my thoughts exactly! She sounds like someone who belongs in the protestant/non-denominational church. Following the Bible and believing in Christ, but without the shame and bondage that “religion” and certain doctrines can often bring. But I am so glad you are confident, at peace and have a relationship with Jesus Amber- that is truly ALL that really matters.
Ah it makes me sad to hear that some dirtbag was ratting you out online in our ward. I for one was so happy to get to meet you and David and your adorable kids. We miss you here in NYC! xoxo Morgan
Thank you for sharing!!!
I truly loved this post! The way you explain your belief in God and not on what people on Church serve! I am Christian Orthodox, used to go in church, I still go sometimes, but navigating through myself I found out that I have God within me, I don’t need to visit an establishment to feel near God, cause I feel him near me all the time!
Thank you, Amber!
Amen to that!
This post was so moving and powerful. Thank you for being candid about your experience.
Amber, THANK YOU. I feel like I’ve been praying for someone to write this. No one talks about this and I wish there was more of a space to discuss this without feeling totally judged and shamed. I love how you said, I don’t think you have to be all in or all out. I’m in the middle and feel like there’s no space for me. It’s hard. Anyways, just wanted to say thank you for sharing something so personal.
I just wanted to thank you and I know this isn’t important to you anymore but my sister was in your NYC ward and I remember her telling me that she had seen you a few times but never got to know you. I wish she and you would have connected and I promise she wasn’t the one with the nasty blog or forum. Only love for you guys. This post spoke to me in almost every feeling I’ve had down to the “we’re doing online church and still feel active”. Only love and support from a fellow person who was raised in the church and is now figuring out how to raise her children in the church without the church culture.
Hi Amber! I love how much you openly share with the world and you are yourself. It’s inspiring! I am a former member of the church, but now I feel like on a completely different plane that my former life. I just think the most important thing is that people are true to themselves, they are authentic and embrace life as what makes them feel most purposeful and fulfilled. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Amber! I’ve been following you on and off for some time!! I absolutely LOVE all you do and share and your family and honestly I stop following you at times Because I get jealous lol I don’t like feeling that way and I know it’s a sin so I just stop looking at all the amazing things you share. Well today I’m SO glad I decided to peek into your life. This post spoke so much to my heart! I am not Mormon but I am a fairly new Christian who got saved in a fundamental Baptist church. I found Jesus after I had my daughter as a single mom, I met Him in the delivery room. After that experience I spent all my nights with the new baby literally reading my King James Bible and studying it like I studied for my realtor exam. I am someone who spent like 26 years away and lost from God, doing unthinkable sins and so it was only when I fully understood Gods grace after reading my bible that I gave up and gave into believing He loved me. So in my church they explained that it’s in that moment of magical belief that you get “saved”. Well anyway from my novel understanding of the Bible, God makes it clear he wants us to go to church because it’s like a hospital for our sinful nature. And we as believers are all pieces of this body of Christ and we essentially are where the Holy Spirit lives. Inside of us, he lives inside of us right? But so when we go to church it’s like us all coming together to the “hospital” to get healing and like I said I’m not a Mormon. But I do know God raised you in that church for a reason and if the purpose of a church is for us to heal our sick and sinful nature then I’m gonna keep praying that’s exactly what you keep doing! This post was the most graceful, open and honest post on religious beliefs I’ve ever read Amber and it literally radiated the Grace of God. So my question is, how would the sick people in your church that said hurtful things and spread shame on you and others as if we don’t have God given grace, ever get to see that light you shine if you stopped going to church? God has clearly put favor over your life and I’m so inspired and blessed to see you shining your light for all the world to see! Thank you 🥰
Loved your openness. I live in LA in a diverse ward. Recently a two married woman and their daughter starting attending church. They know our doctrine on marriage BUT still come and have been so welcomed. We are trying to extend them callings. It’s complicated but I hope they know we are happy to have them abs will serve with them abs for them in our little LSD community.
I feel stepping outside of ourselves, serving, continue faith in Christ is huge and all members can grow through this.
A women in our ward is a ER MD, her husband at the moment is at home with the kids (by his choice he’s very educated) like AND me there are issues she has, but I’m so glad to have her! She’s help so many women, her perspective is refreshing, she is such a blessing.
I hope you to know your helping those around you. Keep being you
I loved it all🙌🏼💞🙏I agree 💯Amber!!! Thank you
Amber, I loved this post! I have felt so lost in where I belong in The church, and I resonate with a lot of the things you said here. My parents are extremely strict members and put how good of a church member we are above all else. I also have vegan to hate running into my old young women’s leaders because I feel judged, and All they care about is if I’m getting married and they don’t actually care about me as a person. So thank you for shedding some light, I hope and pray that the church continues to head in a positive direction.
I am confused about caffeine and drinking coffee/tea as off limits but Mormons can drink Red Bull/ energy drinks?
Also what are your thoughts of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City? They drink alcohol as Mormons. It’s all very confusing how someone can be an “active member” and do those things publicly?
Wow- I am also a member of the church and I just relate to your post on so many levels. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability- you have so many points I wholeheartedly agree with. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that shame and judgement, it’s just all too common in our culture but that doesn’t make it right. Good for you for speaking out and being true to yourself!! Can’t wait to read part 2
As a fellow believer, I am so sorry you had to go through this. Be you. Be true to yourself. God knows and loves you and all His children. You radiate light and goodness. If you were in my ward we would be friends with no judgments. ❤️
Thank you, Amber. You took the words right out of my mouth and I’m glad you used your voice to share it with others.
Hi Amber,
Awesome post. I am not a Mormon but I know a little about it. It sounds like you and David are really open to spirituality and growing in your relationship to Jesus. Have you ever considered trying out a non Mormon church in your area? Following Jesus shouldn’t be about restrictions, and dos and don’t… He came to free us of the opinion of others, not be held in shame by them.
Praying for you girl…it was very brave to open up like that! xx
This was very interesting and informative to read. I my self am an Orthodox Jew who thankfully comes from a religious family who is very accepting of others. I think in every religion all around the world, there are extremists who believe everyone should follow their religion to the T. What God wants from everyone, no matter their religious views, is for peace and love. As a Religious young Jewish wife and mom, I am raising my family in a similar way to you, that is focusing on raising loving, kind and courageous kids in this confusing world. A strong foundation at home will enable your kids to grow up and be confident in their religious and personal life. It definitely shows when kids grow up in a loving and accepting home. As I love to say, you do you!
Thank you for this post and sharing all of this! There are probably more of “us” out there than we realize; we just need to have our own ward😂. I grew up in Provo and I can totally relate to every single thing you talked about. I really appreciate your candidness and I feel like you and I could talk for hours on this subject. Thank you! Thank you!
This was very interesting. I know nothing about the mormon religion and am not religious myself. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You’re relatable, and transparent yet composed- this was great.
Thank you for sharing! I admire you being so brave. Do you think the real housewives of Salt Lake City played any role with this blog?
Thanks for sharing. I think it’s so important the message you are sending out that what matters is our relationship with God and ourselves. I’ve known awful people who did all the check marks, gone to church, wore garments, kept word of wisdom, and they were very dark inside. It is not our duty as members to judge one another or keep each other accountable on things we think each other should be doing. It is between you and God. I struggle with garments as well and have my own reasons behind it, however my relationship with God is very strong. ❤️
This was EXACTLY what I needed. Thank you so much for your courage to express your thoughts and feelings on such a sensitive topic. I think there are so many of us who feel like you but feel so alone. To know we are less alone than we thought is extremely comforting and has helped me in more ways than you’ll fully know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Xo 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you so much Amber! We need people like you in our church to change the culture of our church! Your paragraph about women in the church had me in tears! I completely agree with everything you shared! Thank you!
I LOVED this post!! I have followed you from the beginning of your blogging career. I have always admired you & the strong woman you are! I have always admired how good of a mom you are and what an incredible relationship you have with your husband!! The Lord knows your heart and intentions. He knows you like no one else! It makes me so mad that the people who are supposed to be Christlike are sometimes the least Christlike. I love this quote by Uchtdorf: “The Church is not an automobile showroom—a place to put ourselves on display so that others can admire our spirituality, capacity, or prosperity. It is more like a service center, where vehicles in need of repair come for maintenance and rehabilitation. And are we not, all of us, in need of repair, maintenance, and rehabilitation? We come to church not to hide our problems but to heal them.” If people are judging you, they obviously need repair, maintenance, & rehabilitation. Excited to see part 2!!
Love this! Thank you for sharing. For someone who grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and still practices, your words reinforced so many of the feelings I have as well – and helped me take a deep breath and feel less pressure to be “perfect.” Thank you again for your inspiring message – can’t wait to hear more of your story.
THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS!! Seriously. I love your perspective and feel the same on so many things you said <3 at the end of the day, I believe it’s so important we all keep in mind, not a person on this earth besides Jesus Christ himself has lead a perfect life. So in terms of things around the beginnings of the church, and honestly a majority of other controversies or questions people may have regarding it, we need to keep this in perspective. To me, it is actually more encouraging than anything to know that even the leaders of the church, who had/have deep and beautiful relationships with God, are imperfect and make mistakes the same way as I do. Our Father in Heaven only has imperfect people to help build up his church, and that is exactly what he does. I’m hoping for a day, and do in many ways see this already happening, where the church moves to truly emulate of the greatest standards taught within it, which is that of love. Love at the forefront of the decisions we make, empathizing with others who’s opinions differ from ours, and inclusion extended to everyone no matter where they’re at on their spiritual journey. We are all children of a Heavenly Father, and Mother, who love us beyond our capacity to understand, and want us to be vessels to share that love with the rest of their children. Thank you for your words, and your confidence to share your feelings on such a vulnerable topic!
After reading some comments, I’m wondering if you’ve ever considered changing religions. Like non denominational where it’s just teaching straight from the Bible. No odd social structures or rules other than those of Jesus’s.
I was wondering/thinking the same thing!
Thank you Amber! Wow just wow. Im so proud of you for sharing this and I really enjoyed reading it. I love so many points you brought up; sexuality, garments, womens roles and supporting career women! I just want to give you a big hug after reading this because I feel the same on a lot of your points. As a convert I guess I see things a little differently than most people in my ward lol but I wish there were more like you and your sweet family ❤ much love from gilbert! Can’t wait to check out the Dae refill station 😍
Thank you for sharing 💗 I do have a few questions: I had a friend that was briefly Mormon and she said that they believe that men will be gods of their own worlds in their afterlife. Is that true? Is it like Old Testament at least? Are men and women equal in church of Jesus Christ? And what about all races/nationalities? I feel like even if they are evolving and becoming more progressive, for a church to exclude certain races is just immoral and I wouldn’t want to be associated with it. I grew up Christian and I know a lot of Christians are hateful and racist but in the Bible Jesus says to love everyone and only god can judge. And don’t you find it weird that church of Jesus Christ is only in America? I grew up believing anyone not Christian will go to hell. So if church of Jesus Christ also teaches that, then why does Jesus thing Americans are so special lol. Also does church of Jesus Christ have like social rankings? And from watching RHOSLC they said that if you pay a certain percentage of income to the church then you get to go into a special temple or something which I feel like is a little Scientology. Lastly something I don’t get that I think you have and I know Rachel parcel has that print of Jesus christ. But it’s not actually Jesus christ (of course) so why do ppl want a print of a male model dressed up as Jesus christ? That just really perplexes me lol maybe I’m just crazy for even thinking that far into it. I don’t consider myself religious anymore because there’s so many things I don’t agree with in Christianity, and other religions just seem like a cult to me (even Christianity tbh). I have my own relationship with god. And I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone please educate me if you have more information. I admit I know very little about most religions. And sorry for this crazy long comment, I just don’t talk religion with most ppl cus it’s such a touchy topic and just don’t get it and would love some more insight.
Hi Carly,
I don’t want to get to into anything on here, but just so you know-there are many other locations of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints all over the world. It’s not just an American church ☺️
Yes you are so right. The church taught about the inferiority of those not having white skin. The government in 1978 threatened to take away the BYU government’s funding unless they started to allow bipoc people to attend so there you go they had a revelation to allow bipoc people into BYU. The polygamy thing came up after UT wanted statehood. The US didn’t allow bigamy so the church then decided to have a revelation and bingo no polygamy! Lastly another thing most don’t know about tithing is that only people that give ten % of their money to the church, wear garments, and divulge very personal information to the men in charge are allowed to go to the temple weddings. The family’s are separated at the door and made to feel so much shame and guilt for not being allowed to attend a loved ones most important day of their life. The people that can’t attend stand outside and wait. So weird. The book that use for their bible was written by a pedophile who hid underage marriages from his wife. Thankfully he was killed after the brother of one of his 14 year old brides came at night with a doctor to castrates him for raping his sister Fanny. During the gunfight Joseph killed two men and then later died himself of the castration wounds. He was in jail for ruining the printing company that was about to release an expose on his marrying over 30 women and also bank fraud charges. The church teaches that he couldn’t read or write but both his parents were teachers. He definable knew how to read and write. His personal writings were destroyed to carry on the narrative that this was all revelation. Oh and also he never wrote about the angel maroni coming to see him until he read about every other revelation occurring in the same are at the same time. He absorbed 3 other stories into his own story and talked about it many years later. Their BOM has parts of it that were copied out of the book his scribe had called The View of the Hebrews. It’s almost word for word.
You are doing a great job! Be active like you are and raise your children in the gospel!
Thank you for sharing this! There are SO many things in this that I could have written myself. I grew up in a similar home and still feel that pressure of wearing my garments, modest swimsuits, and going to the temple. I am a 42 year old divorcee with 3 kids and it has been bizarre to be treated like I am 16 again and shamed for spending “alone time” with a man I’m dating or being given talks from the Strength of youth pamphlet. I’ve decided that it doesn’t have to be as complicated as church members make it. I know I am a good person and I am a good, strong mother. Because of someone else’s choices I have a broken home. I was amazed at how so many people treated me so differently. I love what you say. I agree 💯 that it’s no ones business where we are…it’s between you and God. Thank you for sharing your story. There really is so much to say, and we don’t have to be bitter, but we can be better:)
Thanks for being so open and vulnerable with your story! Your example is helping so many🧡
Thank you so much for sharing!!! I wish more people had the courage to share their experiences and feelings regarding this topic. I feel you! I am an active member that grew up in the church too. I have grown so much with how I think and feel about it all myself. I am with you that I am happy to see the positive adjustments that are being made in the church. I believe a lot of members have been focused on the wrong things when it comes to how to fellowship and love one another. Church should be a safe place where you know you’re all in this together but at your own pace and perspective. I’m sure it deeply saddens Christ for him to see so many judge one another when they’re doing their best, or when they show up to church. Much love! Keep courageously sharing your spiritual journey.
Love, LOVE, love ALL OF THIS ❤️
LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.
SUPER PROUD OF YOU. IT WAS ALL WORDED SO PERFECTLY.
LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.
GOOD JOB, AMBER. YOU KILLED IT. WORDED SO FREAKING PERFECTLY.
After reading this, I am wondering if you’ve ever thought of checking out a non-denominational Christian church. They believe in the Bible, and let the Spirit guide them through modern life. My aunt and uncle live in Gilbert, AZ and go to Trinity Church in Scottsdale, they have multiple couple friends and family friends who’ve migrated from the LDS church because they realized they were being told to believe things they hadn’t been hearing from God or been feeling through the Spirit. I just wanted to throw it out there, maybe you’ve already researched it. We are in a unique time with Covid, so many churches and religions are able to broadcast their weekly messages to our homes, I have been using this year to stream multiple pastors and church to really ask the Spirit to help me get a grasp on what I believe or don’t agree with or feel weird about haha. There are things in Mormonism that I agree with. I agree family is sacred and it’s a bond that shouldn’t be broken, but I also believe that our relationship with Jesus is the above all of that and is the most important aspect of my being.
Anyway, praying for you and your family! I am so happy that you and David are navigating this together and are brining your kids up to have faith in something. And that you’re healing and speaking out about areas where religion has caused pain in your heart. Much love 💙💙💙
Oh also!!! Check out this book by Jefferson Bethke, it’s called Jesus > Religion. I found him because of you, actually! When you were living in Hawaii, I started on a whole Hawaii phase and it turned out he was author who lives in Hawaii!
Wow love you. Sorry about all the backlash. Modesty can be in the eye of the beholder. I’ve never felt more shame in my jr high for wearing a sleeveless gorgeous dress in 9th grade totally modest, vs my friends dress w busy out🥴 . . . God knows it all. Yet, I’ve had experience s on my own and life that make me a believer and know life continues after death and lots awaits us eternally.
I’m now in my late 30s, and around this time I am saying to myself and close friends how I wish I had the confidence and wisdom of life lessons I know NOW back when I was at least in my early 20s. But, I guess that’s life, right? Learning as we go. Struggling, succeeding, loving, forgiving. Your words are so sincere and genuine and full of wisdom at such a young age! Maybe its that Social Media world that had you grow up even faster! But really what I want to say is, I appreciate your opening up on this delicate and personal subject. <3 I wrote a DM to you when you shared a little while ago about the above mentioned experience of someone in your ward saying nasty things to you. I wanted you to know that I had actually heard really lovely positive things about you from a friend who grew up in Mesa area, who says you are a very sweet person and are so generous in your hometown often sharing extra products you have. I wish you all the best!
I’m not LDS myself, my husband is and we are both Arizona natives so I completely know the “bubble” you referred to (growing up in Mesa/Gilbert). My husband has struggled with many of the things you referenced and he is at a place in his life much like yourself. It was a beautifully written piece that I’m sure many, Mormon AND non-Mormon can relate to. Ultimately it boils down to YOUR personal relationship with God, not what people think think your relationship should be.
I am an active member – I loved this. You did a great job of a really difficult conversation. Focusing on the Gospel of Jesus Christ is more important than the culture.
I love the honesty!
This was a very interesting post to read as I’m someone who, in adulthood, decided to stop being religious after being raised Christian. I’m not very familiar with Mormonism but it does seem to have similarities to the oppressive nature of many religions, especially towards women. I’m curious if you’ve ever considered leaving your church? I feel like the most genuine relationship you could have with your god would be one that doesn’t involve an itstitution that sets seemingly pointless rules and regulations that have nothing to do with your religion or beliefs.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I totally agree
Perfect! I love that you’re doing YOU!
Bravo! Thank you for being brave enough to share and brave enough to find your place in the church and with god. I think so many are afraid of that journey!!! But if we take the time, I think we could all be so much happier to find that space that works for each individual.
I love Your honesty and ability to be open and share how you feel. Life is about trials and we all have different ones. So you don’t wear your garments, but look at all the other amazing things you do! My parents always taught us to focus on someone’s positive qualities not short comings. I’d have to say of all the church standards garments are the hardest for me as well. I’m so sorry you have been constantly judged but others at church it’s because you are beautiful and people project their insecurities onto you. I so Have been there! Keep being you ❤️
Amber, your story is your story and I appreciate you opening up and sharing your journey. You do you and God knows your heart. In the end it’s our choice. Free agency is ONE of the main reasons we came to earth. One of my all time favorite talks is by Brad Wilcox. It’s a byu devotional entitled His Grace is Sufficient. Look it up and watch it some time. You can find it on YouTube. It was a lightbulb moment for me. When I shifted the power and choice to myself my whole outlook changed. I get to decide what I do and where I go. Anyway. Thank you again for sharing, God loves all of us no matter where we are 💜💜
Thanks for sharing such honest thoughts with all of us. Many of these subjects have been on my mind lately. I realize that as open-minded I thought I was on so many of these issues, I have had moments of judgment and narrowmindedness. I think that my gift from 2020 has been one of self-reflection and correction. My mind and attitudes have been opened and stretched this year through trying to understand the perceptions of others. Your thoughts make an important contribution to ongoing dialogue! I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well. I served as a missionary and got into the habit of wearing garments daily. I love the reminder they give me of the covenants I have made with God, so they make me happy most days. But they are certainly not offered to create feelings of resentment and anxiety. (Especially on those 100+ degree days!) You are loved by many. Kindness MATTERS! We all are deserving of God’s love. There is room for EVERYONE at the tables of spiritual feasting.
Nice post. Keep up the good work.
You’re such an amazing person! I appreciate the way you think and analyze! Very very excited for part 2!
I’ve always been drawn to how you are doing things, and this just adds to my ‘why’. As a woman who grew up in the church, there was so much I didn’t agree with, and then being called out for it and made to feel ‘less than’ by people who should have really not cared put a really bad taste in my mouth. I, like you, have a relationship with God that is my own, I have children that are encouraged to talk about EVERYTHING and ask ANYTHING, there is no place for shame in these walls. My hubby (who did not grow up LDS) appreciates how I was raised, and between the two of us, we are forging our own path and encouraging out nuggets to do the same. Be who you want to be, love who you want love, have faith in who you want to have faith. Plain and simple. We love you and support you no matter what.
Love watching your journey, can’t wait for the day that Rosie releases her style diaries, because she’s got it for days!
Thank you for sharing your heart Amber. I was in a very similar type of thing growing up, a very strong religion. There were so many blessings, but at the same time I felt like I didn’t fit the mold and wondered if my religion/beliefs had anything to do with my mental state (depression and feeling always like my nose was just a little above water). I looked good from the outside- people pleasing and saying/doing all the “right” things, but on the inside I felt like I was dying/suffocating. I knew I would never leave because otherwise I would lose my salvation. A dear friend who had a similar experience as me, suggested to me one day to read the Bible, starting in the New Testament thru the eyes of a child. I was completely mindblown! Nobody had ever suggested that I actually seek help thru God’s Holy Word. So I prayed to God that He would help me to understand whatever it was that He wanted me to see, and I started reading. I continued to read, just devouring the words of the Bible, with tears streaming down my face. I cried for a month straight. Every time I opened the Bible a peace would wash over me. I wanted to read it all. Even tho I sat in church (which I have come to know now, was actually a cult) hearing the Bible read, I felt like I knew nothing. I finally seen that Jesus was really real, walking on this earth, doing all these miracles and died on the cross for me. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in Jesus before, be He was so far off, almost mystical. I grew up believing that I was a sinner, but I never felt the heavy weight of my sin, so the need of a Savior didn’t burden my heart. Not until God revealed the true state of my heart to me, did I see how much I needed Jesus to cleanse me of my sin. Thru the power of God’s Holy Spirit, He opened my eyes and gave me new life in Christ. My life and heart have been completely transformed by Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior! I have been saved by grace alone, thru faith alone in Christ alone. “Nothing in my hand I bring, simply to Thy cross I cling!” *I no longer attend my childhood church, which has been the hardest thing in my entire life. I lost all of my family and friends, but I wouldn’t trade my life in Christ for anything in this world! Jesus is SO much better! Never have I had peace and joy in my life as I do now! I want to share a few verses with you that are so encouraging to me:
“And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” -Jeremiah 29:13
“Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” -John 8:31-32
“For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to ALL those who call upon You!” -Psalm 86:5
I am praying for you Amber, to be set free in Christ! We have an amazing, loving and merciful God who is so faithful! Praying you find peace and rest in Him alone. 🙏❤
Gosh, this is my experience almost exactly. I’n just so happy you shared this. I don’t care if this sounds cheesy—it felt like getting a big hug. Thanks Amber.
Love this!! Open heart full of love!! It’s what we need!! A place for everyone at the table!❤️❤️❤️❤️
The church actually still practices polygamy. Men on earth can be sealed to more than one woman…if the man is divorced or his wife is dead. Im a widow, trust me when I say how I equitable it all still is
Amazing amber! I’m a member as well and love the gospel with my whole heart, the culture is what at times can be so confusing and hard but I really try and separate the culture vs gospel… that’s helped me so much! I absolutely agree with our relationships with our Heavenly Father look different as we are all different children who have different needs and desires and I know that matters to him! It’s so refreshing to see someone be in the church to speak heartfelt feelings, sharing your journey and at the end saying that it’s between you and the lord and that you actively attend and teach… those kids you teach learn a ton I’m sure even about your presence the way you handle questions and what not… amazing!
Have you considered changing religions? Like non denominational where it’s just teaching straight out of the Bible and know church culture.
Love that you were able to find your own way in the church Amber. Just curious if you watched the recent Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and what your thoughts were on Heathers experience in the church ? It made me sad to think of any “church” just dropping people and making them feel so low as I think it goes against what God wants and just overall human kindness.
I moved to southern utah 5 years ago and lived there for there years. And I was working for a company that I didn’t know had a lot of polygamous in it. I thought that stuff was fake. It’s not. The other job I had there were full of Mormons and from day one they were chatty kathy’s and on day one I decided to not talk much, only absorb. Now I lived in Tempe for 2.5 years and haven’t made a friend.
Here is what I have learned looking in from the outside. 99% of bibles teach the same thing. Preachers preach the same thing. Being baptist, I’m baptist, seems waaaaaay easier, way more welcoming then being mormon. People have told me so many stories about mormons being mean, petty, and that you will be out in the blink of an eye when you aren’t perfect. That does not replicate Jesus. I know there are a lot of nice mormons too though.
I don’t have one bad experience, as in girls being mean to me or leaders shaming me, being a baptist. When I tried finding a batista church in southern utah every serum ended with ” now we have got to reach out to our mormon friends and let them know being baptist is the way” or something like that. Soooo annoying. So I stopped going to church in person and just go to church in my heart and head now. Maybe I need to move back to the Bible belt area lol.
Hugs for everyone!! 🤎
Amber I really apprecaue it when you shared “I believe it isn’t up to us to decide if someone else is “sinning” – only they themselves and God can decide that.” This girl right here agrees so highly with this statement. People need to get out of other people’s relationship with God and only focus on their relationship because it should be the only relationship they care about. Obviously as a mother I want to support my children’s relationship with God, but at the end of the day as they grow it is their energy that needs to be put in, not mine. So I really agree with a lot of what you shared and how you are focused inward. Your a great example!
I’m really sorry that happened in our nyc ward. I didn’t know that happened and it’s just upsetting. I always felt on the outside a little – being single amongst moms – but that’s a conversation more about the culture for sure. I definitely found my way to self think and decide how I was going to navigate being a church member and it was really freeing for me too! Happy for you.
This is a great post. While there are some things we do not see eye-to-eye on, I love how the Gospel is extremely PERSONAL to you. That’s the entire purpose of it, isn’t it? To have it be personal and change the individual. Love it!
Thank you so much for sharing!! I also don’t wear my garments much, and I struggle with a lot of the culture of our church-but I have a strong testimony and I choose to stay. I’m thankful you have chosen to stay too and I truly hope the church can continue to hold space and welcome people who fall in the middle like you and I!🤗 Hugs lady!
Wonderfully said. I am born and raised Catholic and see many similarities, especially regarding modesty, sexuality and acceptance. I struggle with figuring out how to guide my children while not leading them away from the church and community. I wish you continued oeace.
Thank you so much for sharing, Amber! Everyone’s journey is so different no matter what religion (if any) you put your faith and values in. Have loved hearing your journey over the years!
thank you so much for posting this. i really agreed with everything you said. my relationship with the church has been difficult since i was very young and the culture of it is really harmful to young people. i’m still only 17 and have lots of experiences to live but i really resonated with what u said. thank you so much for posting this
Thank you so much for sharing! A lot of this resonates with me right now. We need to normalize having questions in the culture – let’s have these discussions! Love this so much. Sending you and your family love.
Thank you for being brave, Amber. I resonate with everything you said and fully support you doing you 100%. More people need to be this open-minded. We as members need to focus on the pure love of Christ, that’s what the church is truly about. Much love.
I LOVED your blog post! I too, grew up in Mesa, Arizona. Even though I am not a member of the church, I completely understood what you were talking about when you said we lived in a “bubble.” I very much appreciate and agree with everything you wrote about gender equality and how we should raise girls to be empowered and goal oriented. I also admire how open and candid you were about your thoughts, regardless of people’s negative judgement or cruelty. You are an inspiration!
How wonderful! Keep doing you. I’ve followed you since before you had children and your content is so great! I’m sorry you had that experience in NY. No one should have that experience ever. As an x member of the church I agree with you while heartedly. I could never go back, but have found happiness in god and my current Jewish lifestyle. Keep posting. Keep talking. This is YOUR life to live. No one else’s opinions should matter. 💁🏼♀️💁🏼♀️
This is exactly what I needed to read today! Thank you SO much for sharing. I can totally relate to your thoughts and feelings about the LDS culture and church. And it comforts me to know I’m not alone in those thoughts and feelings because most of the time it feels that way!
I have so much respect for you Amber!! Wow. I can honestly say you and I have had much of the same experience- I am about 10 yrs. older than you, and I see the change for good in your generation and the church. You do church the way I have begged my husband to do. Unfortunately he/we stopped going because we didn’t want our sweet boys growing up feeling shamed for being normal. We totally live the standards and teach our children them, but have left out the toxic parts…. the other hot topic in out culture is the pressure that gets put on these young boys to go on a mission, and if they don’t go, they’re sinners and looked as less. My son is not the missionary type and that’s okay he will still go on to have great experiences, he will learn and grow the way that is best for him. There are some that are cut out for it, and I think that’s amazing and a great deal FOR THEM!
My husband felt forced into going, it was not him, but he went anyway, ended up coming home early and feeling so much shame, disappointment towards his family and community. He grew up in a tiny town and everyone knew everyone, and people would say the most un appropriate things… this destroyed him in a lot of ways.
The garments were a huge deal to me too! I grew up just like you wearing what ever I wanted- I like putting cute outfits together, and looking cute not frumpy. I cried the first time I put them on… they fit so big on me.. I have a shorter torso so the bottoms came up over my boobs😌 and that was the petite size. I remember my mother in law telling my hubbs that a pair of athletic shorts I had did not go right down to the knee and I shouldn’t wear them. It wasn’t appropriate… they were the longest pair of shorts I owned… I couldn’t even find any. It hurt me and bugged me so bad at the same time. Then we moved to StGeorge… I wore them for a min. And realized real fast there was no way I could live in the desert and wear garments. So I stopped wearing them. Guess what- I still love my church and my savior Jesus just the same. I felt free.
I’ve written a novel so I guess I must stop, but I am grateful for your courage to stand up for what is good for your family… you’re helping pave a new path for members… and keeping the current members there.
I hope to have my family back to church and feel okay about modifying it to our needs, cause it it an amazing organization, such good people, doing great things. There isn’t another church I believe in.
Thanks again❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Good for you Amber. That takes a lot of courage putting yourself out there like that.
Hi Amber! I’m not religious at all, but I must say your post got me very emotional and tearing up at the end. You are such a strong woman, and it is an absolute inspiration how you live your life, raise your kids and navigate all your beliefs. Congratulations on who you are, and I hope you can keep spreading your peace to those around you. Love from Brazil.
Amber thank you for sharing! It is crazy how similar and relatable this experience is for people who are raised catholic too! I also had the same shame feelings when confessing my very child like sins to my priest. I felt fear an judgment during the most vulnerable part of church which was taking the sacrament. This post is so relatable for so many people, I hope you know what you are teaching is the most valuable lesson that people can learn which is you can have a close relationship with God and still be human. I think having gold standards of how people should walk through their relationships with God, sets them up for failure because it never really starts as I feel a calling to do this but more like I should be doing this or else I am sinning. Thank you again for sharing this.
Thank you for this, Amber <3
Amber, thank you for sharing and teaching. I have tried to be open to all religions and accept them for what they are. I never felt comfortable in church. But I did it for my parents, grandparents etc. I have grown up non-religious but with faith in myself to guide me to the rights/wrongs that came my way. Thank you for reminding me I can still be amazing no matter what I choose as faith. Xoxoxo
Thank you for sharing this <3
Thank you Amber for this post and sharing . Just like any religion, you can be a child of God and not agree with everything your church does. Love your seeet family ❤️
Am loving your truth. Stay strong and follow your path.
“I don’t feel like I need to be a perfect example in order to be a good example.” I love this! This is truth! Thanks for sharing! There is room in the Gospel of Jesus Christ for EVERYBODY! We are all of divine worth! This is a beautiful post written by a beautiful soul!
I have never related to something more! I can’t wait to see part two! Thank you!
Thanks for saying this. It’s helpful to hear other people in the middle. It’s different for everyone. Love your answer to the females in the church question. Felt it deeply!
Thank you for this Amber. What the world needs is LOVE, I believe that’s the message in every religion. It is simple. People made it confusing. If we would all stay close to our hearts we would all be close to God and there would be worldpeace. You give a great example of staying close to your own heart ❤️
As someone who doesn’t believe in organized religion, this was a fascinating post to read—thank you so much for sharing your feelings so candidly! I have a great deal of respect for you and how you approach your relationship with God, because you’re right…it’s YOUR relationship. I wish more people felt confident enough to recognize that following rules from a religion doesn’t make you a “good person”, your actions do. It’s so clear from your words and your actions that you are a good person and a wonderful mother who is raising her children to know that it’s okay to ask questions and have nuanced beliefs. I particularly appreciate your thoughts on encouraging young women to think of themselves and their dreams—that you can be a fantastic mother AND have a career! I love that David supports you as a partner and father in pursuing your goals—you both are modeling such a healthy relationship dynamic for your children. Thanks again so much for this post, I really enjoyed reading it and I look forward to reading Part 2!
Beautiful!!!
Thank you for opening my eyes to being more loving and accepting, and less judgmental as a member of the church. Our relationship with our Heavenly Parents really is between us and them. We should be focused on ourselves and being the best we can be and loving, serving, and caring for others.
Amber! You nailed it!!! I am a member and am the exact same situation. I echo your feelings and was just having this conversation with a friend this last week. Thank you for this post, you are not alone!
Wow! I can soooo relate – I live in a small, conservative town and my husband and I are members of a BAPTIST Church in South Africa.
Our Church’s ideas are the same, abstinence until married, pray for the right husband, need the churches permission to date someone, women need to be submissive/quiet, and strict views on homosexuality.
I have been struggling for the past year trying to tell myself to try to find some way to separate God and Church because I feel myself pulling away from both.
I do NOT agree with my church’s views on the above mentioned topics. And I’ve said to myself exactly what you’ve said about “sinning” being something between that person and God – and who am I /we to judge anyone.
We all sin, we all capable of sin in our hearts and minds. The shame and guilt I’ve felt over the years (shame because I’m not what the Church says I must be) does not align with how I think God sees me, I mean He made me this way after all – and it’s not wrong, it’s just my personality (I’m not the meek/quiet type).
I’ve sat in Bible study and had to hear someone pray to God to make me more submissive 🙄🙄🙄
I could go on and on about my experiences, bottom line, I have felt judged by my Church and I’m over it.
I just adore the LGBTQ community and strongly feel a connection with them – I think we are all humans just looking for love and acceptance, straight or gay.
I would love to hear how you managed to separate your feelings on Church and God and how you managed to build your confidence to the point that their opinions don’t bother you.
Lastly, thank you for sharing your views and being so open and vulnerable about them.
Lots of love from South Africa
Topics like this can be hard to open up about, and also may open ourselves to criticism – so thank you for your vulnerability, bravery, and sharing your truth! I loved reading and learning more about you and your faith; can’t wait for part too.
Thank you for your honest experience and viewpoint. I’m supporting you babe!
I love you even more now 😉 and can relate to this/you in so many ways.
Thank you for your beautiful words and sharing your thoughts with us.
Yes!!! I think it’s important that everyone practices the LDS religion differently because every human and every family is different! It’s so weird to me that the culture tells us that there is one way and if you do it wrong you aren’t LDS. Likeee?? I thought this was about our relationship with the Savior and our Heavenly Parents?? Just me?
this is so insightful! would you ever consider another domination? or non-denominational?
I so appreciate your post. I think these are important things to talk about and I know that you aren’t alone. I married a man that wasn’t a member of the church and as we sat in church together, I started listening through “his ears.” As I was wading through so many things that made me uncomfortable to hear with this new perspective and as I tried to answer his many questions about things that he heard, I started searching for help to understand what seemed to be contradictions…contradictions in the loving Father that I knew, the gospel that I believed in and the language and attitudes that I sometimes saw and heard at church. As I ventured through this for a few years, we moved and I had a new bishop who was working hard to turn our ward toward the pure love of Christ and away from the language of “the culture.” As he called me to YW, he asked me to listen to some podcasts the he recommended. They were the experiences of members who were LGBT. He wanted to make sure our youth leaders understood and never wanted our youth to ever feel judged and only feel love and acceptance. He introduced me to Fiona and Terryl Givens and their books have been crucial in helping me wade through so much. They take an intellectual approach to bringing members view back to God and what the gospel really is and away from the language and judgements that are founded in a long history of misinformation about the nature of God and Christ. I loved their book The Crucible of Doubt speaking on the importance and questions and doubt. Their new book All Things New is about rethinking and changing our language about Sin and Salvation and many other things. They are trying to help members understand the damage of the misinformation about our beliefs that gets spread and results in judgement and struggle. Their books have been so positive in my life and so I wanted to share this info with you.
I LOVE this!!! I’ve been struggling recently with how our church sees women, sexuality and modesty (garments are still up and coming but I already hate the thought of them). My mom sees it as a sin to even kiss someone before you’re ready to get married and sometimes it can feel so suffocating! I think it’s important to accept and love everyone, wherever they are or however they feel. It’s a gospel of love. Thank you so much! I think you’re so awesome and I deeply admire you.
Wow, this was really an interesting and insightful read…Thank you for sharing something so personal!
I LOVE this!!! How you choose to worship and your relationship with the Lord is strictly between you and Him. I’ve always had a strong testimony and never struggled with things in the church, but my husband and I were not married in the temple and we got so much hate for it; it was awful the things that were said to us. But when we made it to the temple it felt like a haha moment; to all the people that thought we wouldn’t work out solely because we weren’t sealed the first time around. But we knew where our hearts were and where we stood with Heavenly Father and nothing that anyone could say could change our minds. I appreciate you speaking your side and applaud you!!!
Have you ever thought of trying a church that is bible based and not mormon? I love that you are figuring all of this out for yourself your relationship with God sounds so beautiful! But everything you described, that you love God and know who he is and that Jesus died for us, but you will make mistakes and want to still be let in and uplifted and included and not kicked out for messing up these are all things the a non denominational, bible based, or even some new Baptist churches support and stand for! It is amazing that you are navigating all of your feelings with it all; and i just encourage you to look into visiting a modern contemporary church sometime, they are so fun and are actually entertaining and intriguing for me! Like modern worship songs type of church. Anyways, just a thought when sometimes it’s nice to try something new and see what you feel 🙂
I can’t tell you how much I LOVE this. The gospel is true, and the church isn’t perfect. You can either take the best parts for you (which it sounds like you are pretty awesome at) or you can leave the church (which to me is kinda sad). I’m all about making church work for YOU. We should have more people there and be more accepting! Feminist? Cool. Smoker? Sure. Tank-top wearer? Yes. None of us are perfect. We just need to love each other where we are each at on our journey.
I love this so much. It has truly helped me. I felt so much pressure in the church and constantly having missionaries reaching out to me was a stress. I got baptized March 14,2020. The last baptism / church even in my stake. I’m 22 and joined the church because I had a crazy testimony that things were true and god is real. I literally got baptized and then had 0 church for almost a year. I felt underground and uncomfortable with the thought of trying to be this perfect person that I’m not. I stopped drinking coffee to only begin a few months later got shame from a friend. I thought I wanted my endowment in the future and thought that was the path I needed to take but realized that the pandemic truly messed with my testament of certain things in the church. I have a mom who is pretty anti and felt like i ruined my relationship with her. Dealt with a lot of household stress and was very unhappy with how things were. I felt uncomfortable in my own ward that I didn’t fit in, and I was alone. I had one missionary friend who helped me a lot then she got transferred and it was awful. Only a Monday email for months but couldn’t keep me away from my coffee and I quit reading my scriptures and yeah , you have helped me so much. I just really appreciate this post and it’s helped me realize that I do love the church and I joined for a reason. So thank you Amber your testimony is amazing. And I wish I was in your ward and I would be beyond jealous because you’re literally amazing, you put it all out there. I love it thank you. I hope to meet you one day and chat because you’ve helped me in ways I can’t even describe.
I LOVED this postso much! I really admire your honesty and vulnerability. I am a member as well and relate with SO much you shared! I have had many of the same feelings and concerns. It’s a good feeling to know I am not alone. Thanks for being brave enough to share.💕
Thanks for sharing! Such a brave and refreshing perspective. I was all-in my entire life, but have decided the church was no longer for me in the last recent months. Just couldn’t subscribe any longer to cultural issues I was having. But I am happy! And I really thrive to hear others stories!!!! That we all may be navigating this in our own way and that that is perfectly okay. Judgement of others is never okay. You’re an amazing human and help so many with your vulnerability here. xo
Thank you for sharing this. Your thoughts here are kind and hard-won, and I hope we see more of this content in the future on the new blog! I’ve been following your blog for many years, since way before BFB Hair etc., and another reason I’m grateful for your openness is because I have long had some reservations about all the Mormon creators I love and want to support, while not wanting to amplify anti-LGBTQ+ or anti-feminist voices. And it’s very hard to know where each creator stands (I think maybe the last time I remember a even a subtle reference to any of that was when you blogged a mani that displayed support for the Romney campaign!) So it makes me happy to be able to appreciate your lovely photos going forward while knowing that my mind can be at peace and has largely put those concerns to rest.
Thanks for sharing something that can be so personal and sensitive. We’re from different religions but could totally relate to so many things you wrote. Been following you for years now, so good to hear your thoughts on this and be relatable this way. ❤️
This was so so amazing and close to me and my experience with the church. It feels so nice knowing I am not alone. I feel constantly judged about so many issues. Thank you!!! 🙏🏼 I feel like I have hope again after years of being somewhat accepted into the church again.
You do not owe anyone this explanation but I am grateful for your vulnerability. If we had more of this in the church there would truly exist more Christlike love and unity. You have such a beautiful soul.
Amazing!! Thank you so much for sharing your journey. “You don’t have to be a perfect example to be a good example.” Love this. Keep being you.
I love you so much for sharing this! I’m not mormon but I find myself constantly relating with people online who practice the Mormon faith. I appreciate you breaking your views down like a friend would explain something to me. Sending love to you and your sweet fam!
I LOVE your honesty. Wish I would have figured things out when I was your age.
I just wanted to say that as a 21 year old female, who is a member of the church, I loved this post. I have so much respect for you and your story. You are a role model of mine and I have always loved your content Amber! ✨✨✨
So honest and genuine, Amber. Proud of you for sharing your feelings and experience so eloquently. Keep doing you! You’re an amazing mother, wife, business woman and a believer of God, but it does not fully define you, as it shouldn’t. Love to you and your family. <3
Thank you for being so open about a difficult topic to address! I feel like in this day and age where we share so much and get so close with our online community it only makes sense that followers will want to know this part too. From my perspective, it’s because I struggle with the same issues you’ve mentioned and I look for those I admire who might sit in the same thoughts. And hearing that I’m not the only one makes a world of difference for me. So thanks for being willing to take on the time and effort and potential stress and anxiety and all the things so people like me can find a safe space. It’s appreciated more than you may know
I was Mormon and was labeled “rebellious” for being a normal girl. It really hurt me being able to trust myself. I wish I’d heard people talk about doing church their own way before I had my faith deconstruction. Of course now I’m glad I’ve done it because as I learned more about church history I don’t believe the church is true. And the church does still practice polygamy just not on earth. I really miss the community of the church sometimes. I’m glad you still get something meaningful from the church.
I LOVE the goals you have in terms of teaching your kids about sexuality throughout their lives. I am studying Family Life at BYU, and SO MANY of my professors have emphasized how important it is to teach children about sexuality from an early age and to make it an open dialogue rather than an awkward one-time conversation. I hope to be able to teach my future kids similarly to how it sounds like you’re teaching sexuality to yours! ♥
I appreciate your honesty. I am a follower of Jesus Christ. He is my Lord and Savior. As a Christian and follower, I am grateful I have not been given the responsibility to JUDGE others, that is fir God alone. Jesus requires we LOVE others. I am truly sorry you were so hurt by the church. And I am so happy for you – that you decided to follow Jesus💕
I love this, I feel this, I live this. Thank you for sharing something so personal and so relatable. Your experience is encouraging and beautiful.
What a wonderful insight into your world. Thank you for sharing your experiences and vulnerability. You show true authenticity which is beautiful and so powerful. We can all learn from this.
Love love love this Amber! Your thoughts echo a lot of mine. It is soo normal and okay to not be 100% okay with every aspect of the church. We need more members like you!
Hi! Fellow Mormon momma here that has always struggled with garments! I appreciate your candor and honestly on the subject. I have had my own experiences where I now truly believe that how and when I wear mine are between myself and God. Since I came to that realization, I have felt nothing but peace ❤️ Thank you for helping others feel less alone in this struggle ❤️
Thank you for being so open & vulnerable in sharing your story. This was a great read. I’ve always felt religion was ones OWN personal journey & love that you have expressed just that for you & your family. Very insightful and just well written 💕
Thank you so much for this post! We stepped away from the church this last year and it has been such a process. I love how positive and open minded you are about the whole situation! We are trying to figure out some of the same things… The things we want to keep and incorporate in our family and the things we would like to let go of. I so appreciate your honesty and openness!
I was born and raised in the church also, although we weren’t very orthodox so I really appreciate when people aren’t afraid to use their own judgment and live in a way that best suits them and their families. I really resonate so much with the sentiments you have expressed here. I was recently the YW President in my ward and the truth that was most important to me to impress on these girls was to tell them that there is literally nothing that they could ever do that would make them unworthy of God’s love…literally nothing. I hate that there are things about the church that make it so much easier for people to judge each other. As a mom of young kids myself I have struggled to know what is the right path for my family concerning the church. I think it’s great you have claimed your own power – we don’t have to subjugate ourselves to things we don’t agree with – it’s good to speak up and stand up for yourself. Thank you for sharing.
♥️ Loved reading this, and feel less alone in how I feel. Thank you for sharing.
Saaaaame! Love you Amber!!! Keep shining girl!
I really don’t know a lot about Mormonism (I consider myself a Christian) but when I read what you said about what you believe in…
“ I do know that I am a daughter of God. I know that we can be with our family forever in heaven. I know that Jesus came to earth and died for us. I know that God loves us and wants us to grow and learn on this earth and that means making mistakes along the way. I know He loves us, including our imperfections.” ETC…. that sounds a lot like what I believe! But we consider ourselves to be in different religions, so I guess my question is, what if you’re not supposed to be Mormon? If it has all these rules and stuff that you don’t believe in why keep trying to conform your life into something that you don’t like? I don’t know? Just thinking out loud! Praying for you and your beautiful family!
Wow! Thank you for sharing. I didn’t grow up in a very religious home so I find it so interesting to hear the pressures that an organization put on you. I’m so sorry that being normal made you feel like an outcast, growing up is hard enough!
Thank you thank you thank you!! This is something I am currently struggling with and whenever I talk to anyone I feel so discouraged. I keep telling people that religion and garments especially are such a personal thing and I’m just trying to figure it all out. My husband is so supportive but everyone else doesn’t understand. Thank you for sharing seriously ❤️❤️
Hey sweet girl. I’m so impressed with you and your depth and vulnerability. I’m not Mormon but find the religion fascinating. Living in Gilbert for a few years, being surrounded by Mormons, was very interesting. I loved the wholesome aspect of the town but also felt a heaviness and competitive cattiness, especially with the women.
I think you said so many important things and your thoughtfulness into going beyond just “being a good Mormon” but actually recognizing that it’s more about your relationship with God than approval from others is very mature.
And you’re thinking about how to pass along to your children that relationship with God that can give them a foundation beyond anything else. I’m just so impressed. Thanks for sharing your heart and being open with this topic. Even for a non-Mormon I’ve wondered some of these “elephant in the room” things about you in terms of your connection with LDS, and how the receive you.
I have teens/college age girls who’ve followed you for years, bought your hair, met you, bought your stuff at Plato’s…I just couldn’t be happier to have them looking up to someone as lovely and genuine as you. Truly, you’re a light❤️.
I really have no words to express how much I LOVED this post. It so so so relatable to many of us that grew up in very religious environments and never felt like we really fit in and so honest I feel like I just spent an afternoon drinking tea and talking about life with you. Thank you for being so open with a topic that is sometimes so difficult to talk about.
You really are a role model, and not only to your kids but to all of us that have followed you for years.
I hope life brings you and your beautiful everything you dream of.
This is incredible. I felt so much love while reading this post and resonated with a lot of it. Thank you for being such a great Christ like example.
I love your openness and honesty to what you have experienced. I encourage you to watch The Holy Bible vs The Book of Mormon on YouTube. You will be amazed
💕
While you certainly do not need to justify the how and why you do things the way you do, thank you for sharing your testimony. You are exactly right! Garments should be between each individual and God. It is no ones business if you where them or not. I am sorry you have had to go through so much pain from others within our faith. In all honesty we should only worry about our own spirituality. While you may not where garments, I am sure there are many things you are. Doing right or trying to do right. Others may where them, but still be horrible people because they gossip and or break other covenants they have made with the lord. The only difference is what you have chooses is more visible. My son fell away from the church and for two years I just about cried every day. I thought everyone was going to think it was something I did or didn’t do as a parent. In reality he has his free agency and even President Nelson has said it is only our job to love everyone. It is not my job to worry about my sons spirituality, your spirituality, other members spirituality, but only mine. In regards to the LGBT community, it is my belief that while the church has not done a 360 on the issue there will come a time when everyone will feel welcomed. When I lived in Seattle our organist was openly gay. He also had AIDS. Yet everyone loved him. We as members need to make sure all of Gods children feel welcomed. To those not of the church who might read this comment never have I felt less than in the church, but instead special as a woman almost revered. I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but I don’t feel that it is any different in any other community outside the church. Keep being your lovely self Amber .
Thank you for being brave and sharing with us! Takes courage and willing to be authentic no matter what. Religion has always been something I never felt comfortable with as I have seen it been used to control and shame people but I have my own faith in God.
Thanks for this post Amber. I appreciate that you have put time,energy, and focus into YOUR OWN personal journey and set of beliefs!! Too many people are busy worrying about other people’s differences and Too much emphasis is often placed on being 100% in and I’m so happy you touched on that. As a member of the LDS church, I have seen a lot of people be pushed away as they try to build their testimonies- and it was usually because they were shamed or shunned for not being 100% in or for being different than the person they’re next to. SO sad to see.
Thank you for posting your journey. I think it is a great example of the benefits of working on yourself and staying true to yourself. I think a lot of people need to see and/or hear things like this.
Hope you’re well ♥️
Great insights. Sounds like we had identical upbringings and I’m sorry for the pain you’ve experienced. Good for you for feeling what you feel and being willing to share it with so many.
So awesome your speaking about this. I’m from Australia and we don’t really hear about the church of latter day saints…I know there are other churches like Hillsong and those style of churches that do love everybody as they are and let you be you in America. Is that something you would try out or as you were grown up with a slightly different religion do people have to stay in that?
I love Hillsong!💖
Amber what a great article ….it is so nice to hear your point of view about religion and how you + David have decided to raise your children…I don’t think God is judgmental so the church should not be either…I really enjoy following you and your beautiful family…Keep up the great work..😊
Thank you for being open and honest and not discounting your feelings on these topics. It was so refreshing to read things that I’ve personally felt or thought or contemplated myself, while still trying to maintain my focus on God and my relationship with him. This really was nice to read and relate to, thank you for blogging again 🙂
♥️♥️💔💔 it makes me so sad that you didn’t find the community you needed in NY. I live in the city and, when you move here from far away, your ward family becomes your only family. I’ve made such wonderful, life-long friends here, it breaks my heart and makes me so mad that your ward had such toxic members in it. I’m on the East side, and I’ve heard the dynamics are different here than they are there. I’d like to believe our ward, the friends I’ve made, would never be so insecure and so hurtful. The city can be so lonely, I’m sorry the members here made it worse for you. 💔
This post is so important! I felt so understood and I think there are many others who feel the same. I wish you the best and wanted to let you know, that I think that you are an amazing example and a great role model for your kids and other people. God is about loving and supporting each other and not about ruling someone and making them feel bad for their “mistakes”. And liking boys/girls or wearing short shorts or tank tops or even nothing does not define how loyal you are towards god or how loving and caring you are as a human. Much love xx
Thank you so much for this. You explained perfectly how so many of us feel. We need to be able to distinguish between doctrine and culture. I think the culture over the years has really damaged a lot of young ladies and we are seeing the repercussions. I love the idea of focusing on self worth and that you’re a daughter of God over finding a husband and being a good wife. And we are taught that there can be eternal progression after this life, so why should we care how others are navigating through this one? I’m really hopeful for the church in the future, and glad there are examples like you to act as a voice for those who are on the same page. You got this!
Jesus Christ is perfect. His teachings are perfect. People are of course very imperfect, and imperfect people trying to run Jesus Christ’s church are inevitably going to make mistakes. Lots of mistakes get made by well-intentioned people–including me! I’d say multiple times per day with my family, in work, church, etc. I may do or say something that . . . could have been better. 😉 I love that life is this beautiful and challenging university of ebbing and flowing, and I love that there are rules in place in virutally every aspect of life to help protect and propel us. (School rules, social rules, family, church, work, personal, etc.). Hopefully the propelling is in the right direction. 🙂
I’m proud of you for recognizing that your spirituality and relationship with God is very personal and that the colloquial congregations of any group (within churches, workplaces, schools, etc) can DRASTICALLY impact us in positive and negative ways. Your experience reading that forum is a pretty traumitizing one. I am so sorry to hear that the “safe space” of church was not what it should have been. As sorry as I am that you had to go through that experience, I am grateful for the empathy and sensitivity you learned, and appreciate your healthy and constructive perspective moving beyond it. Jesus was dealing with the same bologna of judgementalism in His time when he said in John 8, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has Jesus Christ at it’s nucleus, and I do believe that following His teachings brings us closer to God and to experiencing ACTUAL & REAL JOY. There is so much that I need to keep working at, but I’m trying and appreciate that He offers lots of ways for us to draw closer to Him and to be better.
You are doing a great job, Amber. Your Heavenly Mother and Father adore you, are watching over you, hear you, and love you–unconditionally, just as you love your own precious children. Their love is the same. XOX
Hi Amber,
Probably you wont be able to see my email but i just want to say that you are an amazing women,in every single way, i pretty much fought with my own community with the lots of things and silly culture they would love to continue, if i dont feel fine or dont feel myself i dont involve anything.I changed my own life,moved to another country,built up a successful business and leading the way how ever i like to do.!
I thnk the world needs more brave women’s stories to encourage others.Thank you for being always honest, open minded and hard worker women also a incredibly loving mum.!
Lots of love from London
I want to be your best friend! I am kinda in the same spot I think your in a better spot than I am … I’m at place where I don’t know if I wanna go any more but I love your view and I totally understand it!! I think we need to hear that more people are in this place if I don’t agree with everything but I still love the church.
Amber! I love you! Every part of you. Thank you for being such a loving and supportive aunt to my kids, and the rest of your nieces and nephews. But also, thank you for being such a great role model to my girls. They look up to you and having your example in their lives has expanded the potential possibilities for them as they plan and look forward to their futures. But they also admire your goodness and grace. They feel your love and see how you prioritize your kids and David, even with all your amazing success. I’m so grateful for that.
I want you to know that the conversation of “why is or isn’t Amber wearing garments” has never been the subject of a single Clark family conversation behind the scenes. Our colorful family has taught me over the years that God’s love is all encompassing and that there are many MANY ways to be a Mormon. The tent is massive and there’s room for all! Quite frankly, church is more enjoyable for me, the more different characters we pack in!
Anyway, I love you! Thanks for opening your guts to us all. Can’t wait to see you soon!
Sarah
I may have stayed in the church if I would have been able to navigate it the way you are. It was to difficult for me. Ultimately it was time for me to make a choice. I will always be grateful for the positive things the church brought to my life. I have found a deeper connection to Christ since stepping away and become more self forgiving and self loving. Thank you for sharing
I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I am so sorry that people ever made you feel judged or unwelcome! I always tell my kids that we will live the gospel the way that makes sense and feels right to us, and others will live it the way that makes sense to them and feels right to them, and that’s great! What matters is your personal relationship with the Savior, and it’s not for anyone to judge or make assumptions about. I hope you always feel welcome from here on out, you definitely belong ❤️
Can we just copy and paste this over to LDS.org already! Make this required reading for every member. Absolutely on point!
Thank you for your courage and vulnerability to share this Amber! I don’t attend the LDS but I am a Christian and I relate to so much of what you said about letting people work out their own relationship with God – you do you and I’ll do me. As women especially, I hope we can continue to cultivate this kind of culture and example for the women who come after us. In the midst of the judgement, exclusivity and everything but what Jesus told us to do and be, I pray we’re leaving the spaces we find ourselves in better for them and that that sets an example for those in our circles. I truly believe love prevails and one of the reasons I love following you is for the way you love others and our world.
I agree with this so much Amber! So so much. I’m glad you are voicing your opinions.
Wow it must be very difficult share all of this. Personally I don’t know anything about Mormons. I’m a catholic and I am Italian.. I never felt pressured to respect the strict rules of church neither from family nor from the catechism when I was young. My boyfriend, instead, (whom is 15 yrs older than me, maybe this counts) lived and still sometimes live a situation similar to what you described yours.. And I try to support him, but many things he says he’s doing “the wrong way” I never heard about nor it wasn’t never teached to me.. So I can’t relate and I don’t know how to help him.
You gave me very good points to think about.
Love, Rebecca
I’ve never left a comment on a blog post before… but I have been following you for a long time, and I just wanted to say that you should be so proud! I know how hard this must have been to write and to sort through in your mind. Thank you for being brave enough to speak your truth and share that with us. I am not a member of the LDS church, but there are so many good lessons to take from this post for anyone who has been part of any church. I appreciate you writing it, strong women like you build us all up- thank you. <3
I love you Amber! This was so beautifully put and speaking out about your support of the LGBT+ community was so incredible. You truly deserve all the happiness you have found in your life. You should be so proud.
You are adorable and so real in sharing this! What a beautiful person you are❤️ Your family is lovely and you are a wonderful mother. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt by people. It doesn’t seem fair and SO mean. Good for you for trying to keep the gospel and the people of the church separate. Keep up your good work beautiful girl! I’m so proud of you and I’m sure that the Lord is as well.
It’s the practice that makes that the LDS religion is it not? Just like the rules and practice of a Catholic Church or Baptist or Lutheran etc. If you’re having questions or doubts about the practice why not try another church? From your post you sound Christian so why not try a non- denominational Christian Church? I ask because if it’s the practice/rules of the LDS church/religion you want to shield your children from than why not try out another Church that might align more closely to your core beliefs? I love that you state your relationship with God is good and I pray that continues and deepens without any set backs or distractions for you and your entire family. That is what matters. Thanks for sharing.
I was wondering the same thing! Of course if you want to remain mornon, do your thing girl and whatever you feel like is best! but it does sound like your core beliefs really do line up with a more non denominational christian church 🙂 just an idea to try out and see
Amber!!! I’ve been missing your old posts like this! THANK YOU for opening up. Its clear you took the time to write out this post. You have always been someone I look up to!
As an ex-Mormon I really really really love your openness and being willing to talk about things like having doubts (gasp) or not feeling comfortable in your garments (gasp) and just being truthful. People being willing to talk like you are right now will make the church BETTER. Like you said, if people aren’t willing to let people live the religion in their own way then a lot more people will leave. I know I probably would’ve stayed! I really tried for a long time to be a “unique Mormon” knowing that I had huge disagreements with the church’s culture and even some really big doubts about some of the core doctrines, but after awhile it was just exhausting. I’m glad there are open-minded Mormons like you willing to share your truth and also stand up for the LGBTQ+ community as well! Thanks for sharing!
I can’t wait for part two! Thank you for sharing your feelings! I love your honesty. These have been feelings that I’ve shared as well. It’s just nice to have it out there. Thank you again for sharing!
I love what you said about people thinking that you can’t be happy outside the church, because that is just not true. You are so brave for being so honest about it all, and I so appreciate you leading the way on this important discussion! It is so hard to figure out life and your relationship with God, and then add in others judging how you figure it out and it is just so tricky. Thank you for this post! I think you are amazing!
Amber!!! I’ve been waiting a long time for you to post something like this. I’m a former member, I left when I was 17. I still have enormous respect for members and deeply appreciate your comment that people who leave are not sad, but pursuing what makes them truly happy and content with life. As an LGBTQ identifying person I couldn’t stay in the church, and it’s different for everyone! I love your take, I love your thoughts about how the idea of perfectly being in the church is unrealistic- everyone has their own journey and that’s OKAY. I have so much love and respect for you and your family. If I would’ve been raised in the church the way you’re raising your kiddos, maybe I would’ve been different. The shame and guilt is one of the worst parts, and remedying that is so fantastic of you. Thank you for your example. You would’ve been the best young women’s leader to have! Thank you for sharing, I know how deeply personal this can be, but it’s so important for people to see members like you! You give me faith that others growing up in the church won’t have the same negative experience I did. Love you girly!
I’m a Christian and I learned a lot from this post! I think your journey is very similar to a lot of people who are in religious organizations. You have to find the right fit for you and your beliefs.
Question: Did you see The Book of Mormon and if you did, did you find it funny or offensive?
I appreciate your heart in sharing something so personal- these can be scary especially in the world wide spotlight, so kudos to you!
I am one who feels deeply about different subjects in the church, some things I don’t agree with, just like I believe there is the Gospel of Jesus Christ and then there is the CULTURE of the church
Unfortunately a lot of members do not seperate them. I tend to believe that personal direction for me and my family are my business. I do do believe in values, and morals yet again those that the spirit dictates to me- I have several siblings and even we raise our families differently! Modesty is about as personal as we can get. I have my opinions BUT those are for me and my stewardship ONLY, even if we recognize it with others I do not believe we should trespass into their choices with even forming an opinion about them. That is NOT the gospel. There are reasons and things I believe that are Gods laws, and in turn his servants are called to carry them out. That is where our covenants come into play- again tho that is most definitely between you and God. Not a random that has an opinion. I believe to treat others with unconditional love and allow them to navigate their lives the way God designed them to do so. It doesn’t mean I condone or agree, but does that part matter? Nope! Who cares if I agree haha! We need each other, our differences, our STRENGTH and talents. They need to look and be different. Thank you for sharing. You have a very beautiful family. God bless you-
You are incredible and strong and I appreciate you sharing. Although I am not LDS some of my closest girlfriends have been LDS since I was young. I embrace your position here and believe you are not the only one who feels this way. You are strong and bold and a true light to so many.
Amber, your words resonated with me on such a deep level. It felt like taking a breath of air! I grew up in a southern baptist home and, although I am unsure of all that the Mormon church preaches, I feel like there are many similarities (and lots of differences!) As a young girl and continuing till even now, I was/am taught to pray to for my future husband…so much so that it often feels like if I don’t i’ll end up single and alone forever (lol slightly dramatic but you get it). Additionally, when it came to sex it was always “no sex before marriage.” That was so devastating and damaging to me and has led me to resent my church and distance myself from religion as a whole (a sad truth). I thought maybe trying out a different type of church, maybe methodist or just something different, would make it so I felt at “home.” So hearing your experience truly resonated with me and made me think, it’s less about the church and more about a relationship with God. Thank you for your words, it really helped me!
THANK YOU! I needed to read your words more then you will ever know! I am on the exact same page as you and have felt like lately more of us are stepping up and speaking up. I am currently with the Young Woman as a leader in our ward. I am grateful I am also a leader for my teen daughter and her friends. I know I was put there for a reason; as an alternative to the typical example and also a safe place for these girls who are all so unique and different and I celebrate them each individually. I actually ran into you and your family at the Oahu airport while flying back to California from Oahu a few years ago. My two oldest were playing with your two littles while we were all checking our bags. Your family is beautiful and your honesty and transparency makes you even that much more beautiful. So again THANK YOU! I will be forwarding this post to many who need to know they aren’t alone. XO
So many things you’ve brought to light that I can relate to. The sexuality, shame, women’s roles. I love this so much thanks Amber for sharing. So much love x
Really enjoyed reading this post! Thanks for sharing.
I would just like to say I have person experience concerning praying for my future husband at a young age. I don’t think it should be forced but it’s something I will ask my daughter if she wants to do. There are specific moments in my husband’s life that we believe were impacted by my prayers. I prayed for my husband and his family starting at age 14. We didn’t meet until I was 16 but after we married we spoke of specific times that I prayed for him and he was in fact going through very tough times in his life. So it may not be good or healthy for everyone but I believe our spirit is prompted to pray for certain things at certain times for a reason!
Hi!
sending love your way. It must be hard to be in the spotlight in the tight knit mormon community! I admire your openness and dialogue.
everyones spiritual story is different and that doesn’t mean any one’s is wrong. I am fully supportive of people living their truth. Thanks again for talking about these things on your blog! It normalizes the conversation- which I think everyone needs <3
Thanks so much for sharing Amber! I agree that becoming more like Christ and living how he lived is truly the best way. I love following you and have enjoyed watching your journey/family unfold over the past 7 years. Thanks for blessing my feed! Also, I love little Frankie. Posts of her are a highlight in my day. All the love!!! 💘
HOLY CRAP. I needed this. I cry nightly because I’m so confused, conflicted and lost in the LDS religion. I love it, I was raised in it and it’s made me who I am. I just don’t know if it’s what I need, want or if it will really obtain me happiness and the spot in heaven we all were taught to want. You’re brave for sharing this and I’m so grateful you did. It’s hard to grasp and listen to people’s feelings about religion, especially one you believe in or think you do. It’s hard because you listen and read what people are saying and you feel it but yet you feel guilty or jealous you can’t be this firm and open in how you are living it. I give props to you for not wearing your garments because you don’t want to or don’t feel attached. I know Heavenly Father is proud of you for following your heart and the path that he is giving you and guiding you through. Just like you said, there are wonderful people in and outside of the church and you don’t need to be LDS in order to be happy. I’ve had the hardest time separating the gospel and the culture but at this point I just feel they’re the same thing. And you know what, your post has made me realize that maybe I need to step back, take into consideration other paths that I can take in my life. I’m lost, confused and this whole post has me in tears because someone needed to say what we have all felt and are feeling. I’ve been hurt in so many ways by Priesthood Leaders. They say it’s the people… sure, but how do I separate it. I wish I could just talk and have a community of people like you, who are open raw real and ready to discuss the indifferences we have with the LDS church. Thank you Amber. I respect you even more. I wish you the best in your endeavor to finding peace, joy and love in this life. You are on your own personal path and I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you for opening this dialogue. We need it. Maybe you can make a community for others that are so in tune with your message. Thank you again. I have a lot to think about. You’re doing the Lord’s work in your own way and we need you. Don’t give up.
I love this! I’ve followed you for YEARS and I think you’re an incredible woman! Business woman, mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, all of it. I love that you speak your truth, your honest, and you lay it all out! Great post! Thank you for sharing!
I am just absolutely MOVED by this post. I have been following you since before you were even married and it is so wonderful to see you reflecting, and SHARING your thoughts. I was also raised LDS and am not a member any more, due to my own issues with not just this religion but organized religion in general. However, my spirituality is stronger than ever. That too, took years after addressing so much shame and guilt I felt over things that were in actuality, not a big deal at all. It was such an epiphany to realize I am and always WAS a good person. I think it is so so so immensely important and admirable that you are raising your children with those thoughts in mind in order to fight against similar feelings being thrust upon them. A million bazillion kudos to you. I am a bigger admirer of you than ever!
I could have written this word for word!!! It feels so good to see so many members shifting their perspective and rejecting so much of the toxic culture. It gives me hope for the future! I always say that I will stay in the church to be one of the people that help to make it a more Christ-centered and safer place!
Thank you Amber!
1. I miss when you used to blog long posts like this (you’re the first blogger I ever followed way back in 2012)
2. Although I was not raised LDS, I was raised Catholic and so much of this resonates with my upbringing and how much time I spent in shame
3. I absolutely believe that our faith is a personal relationship with God and we are in no place to tell others what theirs should look like
Thank you for being brave enough to share this.
Amber you are so right. If Jesus is in your heart, and he leads your family there is nothing else that matters. The rules and regulations of religion are stifling. You don’t need religion, only a relationship with Jesus.
You are such an inspiration and light and im so grateful for your honesty and being raw with your beliefs. I have grown up in the church like you and I am a mother of 3 and had very similar experiences to you and its been a struggle to know how I feel about the church today. There is so much good but also so much that can harm your mental health and its hard to know where to go when your in the middle bc the faith is very black and white. Im grateful that you shared your story and just know people that project hate are not happy. I’m sorry you had to go through that. You are such an incredible mother and beautiful example of living with a love like Christ to others. Keep doing you!
I am glad that you are being so open about where you stand. I feel everything you said was very sincere and truly is your perspective and your experience with the church. What you felt was real and your experience was yours and through your understanding of the church growing up. I am a convert of the church and my experience has been so different. I was taught that your salvation is between you and our Heavenly Father. The most important thing is having a relationship with our savior and our heavenly parents. My understanding of part of gods plan is that we are put here in families. Earth life is like school where we are learning to be better and become more like Jesus. We are all here to support and love each other and like you said not judge each other. We are too imperfect to judge each other because we all have different weakness and struggles. There are going to be things that we don’t understand because we have mortal bodies and this is one of the conditions of this early life. I am really sorry that you felt so judged at church. This really is sad and I know is not part of gods plan and not part of the gospel of Jesus Christ. He loved everyone unconditionally it didn’t matter what mistakes we make it weakness we have. So even for example you don’t agree with the teachings of modesty you should feel excepted and loved because that is what the church of Jesus Christ teaches nothing else. Jesus loves sinners which is everyone but not the sin. You can love someone and not judge them even if you disagree with certain choices they make. Jesus knows are hearts and he is the only person that will judge us and besides everyone is on their own timeline and journey. What I learned about my bishop or he represents is the lord. He is not there to judge you but to help you find a way back or help you overcome a weakness. Also I don’t believe you have to confess every sin to him only certain sins that have bigger consequences like breaking the law of chastity or other serious sin. I understand it’s hard to think of confessing but in the end you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If you feel you don’t need to confess it to the bishop then don’t because it’s really between you and god. The bishop has a specific role and duties and really only there to help anyone who wants his help. The bishop doesn’t come up with ways to punish you but works with the teachings of Jesus Christ and and receives revelation to help anyone that comes to him. So it really shouldn’t be a negative experience seeing the bishop. I also see church like a place I go to be healed and to be reminded of Jesus Christ’s teachings. I need to go to church because I am not perfect and make many mistakes. If I thought I was perfect or did everything right I wouldn’t go to church. Also about expressing our selfs what I understood the church teaches is not that the sexual feelings and desire are bad. It’s bad when we fully express them outside of marriage because it’s a gift god gave us. There are many parts of that gift, the feelings we have when we express, the feelings we have and desire to express them with someone and the ability to procreate. All was given to us by our Heavenly Father and it’s natural. I think where people confuse this is that god intended this to be within two married people because he intended for us to have families. He set up
Laws to help us become more like our Heavenly parents. He gave us gifts and abilities so that we could use them to further his plan, which is why we all
Agreed to come
Here. His plan is a plan of happiness. It’s not a secret or bad to express your sexual desires. I don’t want you to think that I am saying that what you experienced is not real or that I am
Not acknowledging it. I know that there many people who go through negative things in the church but I remind myself what the Scriptures teach and the true gospel of Jesus Christ. We all
Have free will and so god can’t Control
Our actions. The negative things that we experience in church have nothing to do with the gospel of
Jesus christ. If you feel like
How you felt And it was negative it’s not what our prophet and Jesus support or teach. His gospel is good news not bad. He always has open arms. I also believe I am a child of god and I believe from
My understanding what the churches teaches is that men and women have play different roles but very important roles and both are necessary. Having the Piresthood doesn’t have make one better than a woman. Women’s role is essentially and equally important as the male role. As far feeling like you have to do something that is wrong because we are taught to receive personal revelation. Every family is different and receives their own revelation. From
My understanding I didn’t feel like needed to be a stay at home mom and my husband the bread winner. There are qualities that male and
Females have and work for the roles we were intended to fulfill but at the same time god knows us and understands our situation. So we are free to choose how our families look like if they is what is right for us. I jjust wanted to share my perspective and my experience
Thank you sooo much for this post. I left the church in HS and now that I have a baby girl I have considered going back. I (mostly) love the foundation it set for me and want the same for daughter. However, I don’t like the all or nothing feeling. Like you, I am in the middle and I don’t want to feel guilty for not 100% agreeing with everything. There is a lot of rebellion in the LDS community and i think the church needs to do a better job with teaching acceptance. I also found my sexuality at a young age (nothing major) but felt 100% stifled throughout my life like it was bad.. I still have issues to this day because of it. Maybe the church is moving in the right direction, but I think it’ll take a new generation of members to really see the change…
As a young woman in her early 20s who was raised in the church and chose to leave , I believe this narrative of yours needs to be more widely discussed and accepted in the church. Sexuality was a very touchy thing for me my whole life and it created rifts in every other aspect of my life. Until recently, I started going to a trauma therapist and found out the churches teachings around sexuality and the sexuality of women in general had created PTSD for me. Because of this strong yucky feeling I had created about myself over NORMAL feelings, it left a bad taste in my mouth for the whole religion and I didn’t have the capacity to navigate the good or the bad of the church, I just left it all. I wish you peace and patience with yourself as you find your navigation 🖤
Word for word all the same answers I would have given. I’d say I’m active, struggle with things in the church like polygamy and lgbtq+, and have no testimony of garments but absolutely love Christ. I have studied the doctrine of garments for so long to try and gain a testimony and there isn’t any! It was seriously harming my relationship with God, so I stopped. I’m not perfect, but I’m so much happier without the anxieties of garments. It’s so comforting to hear there are other people out there who feel the same way!
Thank you for your honesty.
I wish they would remove the garment question from temple reccomends — but at least they changed the question!
Love this and you, Amber. Thank you. As someone who struggles with all of what you shared, thank you. I recently experienced horrible trauma (is there any other kind?) and got a new tattoo that simply says “strong ” on my right forearm. I KNOW that while I was getting it, my Heavenly Father was smiling and nodding at me.. I know that my brother, Jesus,, will fist bump me someday. Keep holding your head high.
Amber, thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your thoughts. Even though my path and struggles aren’t exactly the same as yours, this post really resonated with me and I am grateful for it. We in the church really need to do better at normalizing having questions, focusing on ourselves, our own unique relationships with God, and loving and accepting those around us. So glad you were able to find that peace and healing. Thank you for leading by example.
Thanks for this! Love your perspective and totally agree! I wear my garments everyday but fall short on so much, especially making time for home church! We are all just learning and growing the best way we can!❤️
Amazing to have an open and honest conversation! I see a lot of pain in religion but a lot of healing in spirituality. There’s a song by The Avett Brothers (their concerts are a serious spiritual experience) but they have a song title Me and God. Reminds me a lot of this post. What’s right for me may not be right for you, and that’s alright as long as there’s honesty and vulnerability without judgement and distain.
This isn’t the end of your journey with God but beautiful to see you open the door to a conversation so many need to have.
I never comment on blog posts but I agree with the 100% and I appreciate how open and honest you were about everything. People spend so much time worrying and judging others that they should just use that time to make themselves better. I also loved your comments on women. I am a working mom and my husband supports me- we should teach our youth to be loving and supportive and not let them be confined to gender roles. Also, I love your shampoo and conditioner ♥️
Dropping so many truth bombs! You don’t have to be all in or all out. I constantly wonder why no one talks about this. Thank you for opening up the conversation!!!
I think it’s amazing that you’re sharing this. As for that sad lady who was talking crap about you, I want to know more. I bet you she stalks you on a daily. If you’re reading this comment, we hate you. Jk. But not really.
I just adore you! As a member who has watched your sweet little life since like 2011 (ish?), I have always thought you were an incredible human being. The way you handle hateful comments with love and dignity is so admirable. I’m not a big fan of the influencer world, but I follow you because I adore the way you raise your family, the person you are, and the way you hold your head high always. People get so worked up about garments because that’s a very visible thing. But truly we are all sinning, all breaking covenants, all short of perfection— some things are just more visible than others. But all of those things are part of our journey on earth. You and David are raising some seriously incredible little humans. Thank you for being you! Move into my ward.
I really appreciate this post! I am a member too and have been struggling with my stance on some issues currently going on in the world and the church. I love the core teaching of the church and feel that there is a disconnect between them and Latter-day Saint culture. People tend to forget (sometimes myself included) that God loves ALL of his children the exact same. My husband and I are far from perfect members and have a lot that we don’t do as far as church responsibilities go, but that doesn’t make us (or anyone) bad members. You’re absolutely right; you don’t have to be all in or all out! I believe God knows our hearts and that is how we’re judged. I’m sorry members have mistreated you in the past and I know you aren’t the only one. I’ve always admired how confident you are and how genuinely happy your family seems, so ignore those awful people and keep doing you…that makes you a better member than them anyways:)
I absolutely enjoyed reading this post. In many ways your thoughts and beliefs align with the nondenominational Christian perspective, I’m not sure if anyone has ever told you that. Everything you are feeling regarding the LDS church is totally valid. If you are ever curious about nondenominational Christianity I know of some amazing churches where you live that would fully accept you for you and your beautiful family. Please don’t hesitate to reach out and I can send you there information and addresses.
I loved this post and appreciate your honesty! As a member of the church I think we need to see and hear more of these kind of stories! I have followed you since your nanny days and have loved to see you evolve and grow. Thanks for letting all of us be part of your journey. Peace and love💕
This is so refreshing to see! I love your point of view and can relate on so many levels!
My questions is, do you attend the temple and if so what are your views on the temple questions and how do you attend without garments. No judgment here just honestly want to know your point of view on this. I have been going through a phase in the church myself, that I am figuring out where I stand with things and I found your points so valid!
Yes! And I’m sorry if I ever held you to higher standards as a member of the church. When I was younger I remember thinking this. But I respect your religion so much babe!
I have a very strong testimony and relate to so much of what you said. Especially regarding shame, hypocrisy, & sexuality. Thank you for sharing. Being a fellow “I stopped caring what people think, but am still kind and happy girl” has me understanding the grief and pain that it takes to get there. It takes so much refining fire. Thank you for stepping up with class and grace. I needed this so much.
You are a strong woman ! Good for you for speaking up for yourself, family, children and women !! I think your comments can go across many religions and they speak very true. Much love
I am also a member and I am totally on board with your feelings regarding garments and your personal relationship with our Heavenly Father. I see your shine and can tell you have such a tender heart. I feel the love you each have for one another and you all totally glow. Keep doing you and know their are many more that feel the same as you do. I feel the church has very good intentions but the world changes and we need to make sure we continue to love one another ❤️ We are intended to be unique I encourage that in my children. Think for yourself, love deeply and be genuine. Thanks for sharing!
I was honestly ready to roll my eyes at whatever you had to say on the topic and quietly leave, as I’d never disrespect anyone’s faith even if I find it silly. This wasn’t at all the post I was expecting and now I’m compelled to say thank you. Your honesty is appreciated and especially your open and welcoming views on topics that the church, and not just your church, can be so anti and hurtful about. Though my journey with faith has ultimately led me to a happy and fulfilling life without any organized religion because there just isn’t one that’s only about love and acceptance and being a good person just for the sake of being a good person (which is what I practice), I applaud your bravery in admitting the church isn’t perfect and you aren’t either and none of us should have to be. Just remember that no God cares what your underwear looks like or what church you go to or whether you even go to church. These judgements all come from people, and the rules, whatever they are, were all made up by people. Keep doing you, keep questioning, keep seeking, and keep that open heart. You’re a good one, my dear. Don’t let any one tell you you aren’t, no matter where your life-long journey leads you…especially if there are detours, dead-ends and break-downs along the way.
This was such a great post. I grew up almost EXACTLY the same, and we are about the same age so maybe it’s a generational/timing thing. As I grew up being “different” I could not navigate through it and if the choices were to fake it or not be me I felt like I had to place in the church.
I have practically lived the same life as my member siblings and friends just without the fear of judgement from the church.
I have thought for years that you have shown a wonderful progressive movement in the church, so many examples you gave (mom/womens roles & garments🙅🏼♀️) I just could never stand behind.
I applaud you for putting yourself out there, you will touch so many.
Wow, really interesting to read as a Catholic. Lots of similarities and parallels between the churches, even if the terminology is different. Only thing I would say is even though polygamy weirds you out, I don’t think it’s weird. I don’t know any polygamous families but I think there will be more in the future. From the tv shows I see, I think they just look like normal families. With normal problems. And not always religious or tied to Mormonism imo. So try to keep an open mind there
thank you thank you thank you. you are incredible. i love the way you shared this whole post—so genuine & kind & thoughtful!
You are brave AF and it’s obvious you are growing in so many ways. Coming from a similar religious background growing up I totally understand the sentiments of this post. It takes YEARS to find your own sense of self when so heavily guided by others viewpoints at such an impressionable age, no matter if we can say we’ve had a “good experience” with religion or not.
I have so much more to say, but for now I’ll just say keep doing you, don’t stop growing into yourself, unapologetically.
I never EVER comment on blogs anymore but thank you for sharing this. It was 100% your information to share and I am sure that people have felt more than entitled to that information at some points in your long career. I left the church years ago because of all the reasons you are speaking about, so I hope it really does change. Thank you for sharing your heart!
THIS!! This is amazing Amber!! So so proud of you for sharing this. You are so down to earth, it is apparent in everything you do. You are a beautiful daughter of God!!
This was really cool to read thank you for sharing? I thought your answer about Joseph Smith was interesting that the details of the foundations of the church you belong to weird you out? It’s hard to wrap my head (and I’m sure wrap your own head) around the dichotomy of it all! Thinking some things are totally whack but yet still participating. I think it’s incredibly healthy to question the things we’ve been indoctrinated with especially in regards to religion. Again, thanks for sharing this will help so many people who question their church and feel wrong for doing so.
wow this hit me DEEP! I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Accept the middle people! Why is that so hard for people to do sometimes? I hope there is a shift soon and we can all strive to be more loving and supportive instead of judgmental. It’s not our place to judge. Jesus loves everyone. Aren’t we all striving to be like Him?
Have you ever considered a non denominational following of Christ? Or a less judgemental religion? I have absolutely nothing against Mormons, I just believe those are a lot of expectations for sinners, no matter your walk in faith. Jesus Christ doesn’t care if you wear your garments or if you kissed a boy in grade 6. He loves you for you, and a religion that preaches otherwise should be checked! 🙂 appreciate your post and honesty with your journey! I’ve always been very curious of the Arizona/Utah Mormon scene!! We don’t have much of that here in Niagara, that I know of anyways
I’m not LDS anymore but I really really respect and appreciate this perspective. It’s real, and I think this blog will help so many others that struggle with the culture. Thank you for making the time to write this 🙏🏽
Amber I loved this :,) I struggle with religion and how I plan to raise my littles. This brought me so much comfort. It’s okay that we don’t have everything figured out ❤️
Thanks for sharing your journey! This really resonated with me as I navigate my own relationship with garments, church activity, lgbtq+ support, etc. I’m grateful for others willing to be vulnerable so I can feel less alone. I really believe God (Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother and Jesus) is for everyone but the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is not for everyone. It is not a one size fits all and there are many paths to God, all of which are valid and worthy a d wonderful. Keep shining your light beautiful friend!
Hi Amber! Love this post. Couldn’t agree more that reflecting on your faith and questioning your religions teachings is healthy & normal!! I chose a few years ago to be apart of a non denominational Christian church instead of a Roman Catholic Church. I’m happy to say that when I do attend Catholic mass for funerals, family holidays, etc. the new priest really seems to be adopting more “modern” concepts about modesty, sexuality, gender roles, etc. I hope you see that shift & acceptance you’re yearning for within your community! He loves you!
I love everything about this. I am not a member of your church, I am actually a Muslim. However, I resonate so much with what you are saying. What you said about garments, if you replace it with the word “hijab” – it’s the exact same. I played tennis growing up and I would get shamed for wearing my tennis skirt or for wearing shorts because it was provocative and if I got sexually harassed or assaulted it would be my fault. I grew up being told to pray for a good husband and marriage and there is so much focus on what a woman needs to be for a man, I lost sight of my identity for many years as a teenager and young adult. There is so much negativity and division caused by gossiping in religious communities, especially conservative ones. People are so quick to point the finger and say you’re a sinner for supporting the LGBTQ+ community, to stand up for Black Lives Matter, but at the end of the day religion is between you and God. How you choose to serve Him, how you choose to have faith – your journey is your own. I learned so much about your church and your faith, I think it is so beautiful. I separated from my family a year ago because I was making decisions for myself they didn’t approve of and they always used religion as a weapon, used it to instill fear. At the end I chose myself and chose my relationship with God, I chose to have faith in Him and that He would lead me in the right direction even if I was all alone. Today, I am a happier person, I am closer to God, I know that He loves me and protects me always.
Love love loved this blog post. I am going through the same thought process as you and you couldn’t have said it better. Love following your page!! ❤️❤️
Loved reading!! I grew up catholic and have learned that our religion is the ‘most based upon’ the Bible!
I loved this post. So interesting to read, thank you so much for sharing! I can totally relate to being happy and at peace with your relationship with God but not needing to agree with all aspects of your religion – I’m Roman Catholic. You’re the best mum and have the most beautiful children, I love how you and David are such a team ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this Amber! It’s not an easy thing to do and I’m currently in the same situation. I grew up in the church as well but over the past couple of years I have been in a sort of grey area. Sort of half in and half out, trying to decide how I move forward in my life with relation to the church because there are wonderful things about the gospel that I believe but there are also things I don’t agree with. A narrative that I often heard at church was that you can’t be on the fence. You can’t pick and choose parts of the gospel to live and ignore the parts you don’t want to believe. I understand the message that people were trying to convey but as I’ve done my own praying and have wrestled with my beliefs, I’ve realized that the whole point of the gospel and the REAL truths that it teaches are to seek for answers and find out for yourself what you believe. We teach this principle through Christ’s teachings “to seek and ye shall find” but culturally we ignore His other teachings by passing judgement on what a persons journey to finding their own answers might look like. I don’t care who you are, this life is tough and no one “knows” the answers. But that’s also the point. Clearly we’re not supposed to know. I admire anyone who is willing to step into that space of unknowing and embrace it while they communicate with God, the universe, whoever in order to find peace. To me it seems obvious that God wants us to use our brains to question things. He gave us our brains and our individual will in the first place. Wisely, I think he meant for us to use it. What use is it ever when people are spoonfed the answers they seek? True growth and learning comes through experience, trial and error. Emphasis on the error if you’re me. Haha 😂 These days I keep it real simple. “Faith is like a seed” type of stuff because that’s about all I can handle and honestly where I find the best and most important truths are hidden in plain sight. Thank you again for sharing. You are a great example to me of how I hope to one day raise my own kids and the type of mother I would want to be.
Thank you for sharing your journey within the church. You’re an amazing woman and Mama. Makes my heart hurt people can be so cruel. I’m so sorry. Haters hate, because of many reasons and you do not sneed to take on that energy! Bless you and your sweet family!
Loved your thoughts on this and your honesty. I feel like a lot of people within the church are struggling with the same issues and would feel more welcomed to stay if they realized they are not alone and it’s okay to stay and appreciate the gospel for the parts that you feel whole with.
This is just everything!!! Thank you, thank you for putting so perfectly into words, how I have felt myself for so long. You are a great example and I have nothing but love and respect for you for sharing this xx
Loved this post so much Amber. I actually didn’t know the most about LDS or Mormon church (not sure if those terms are interchangeable I’m sorry if I used incorrectly). I really like how you talked about your views and how your faith is still just as strong. Can’t wait for part 2 💗
As a member of the church I love how honest and raw this post is. Members NEED to stop judging other members based on where they are at in their testimony. The atonement is real and we all have the chance to continue to learn and grow. We should not judge ANYONE based on where they testimonies are. It hurts my heart when I see hateful comments on bloggers posts who are members of the church. It’s not helpful to act as a pharisee. We are all on our own journeys and learning day by day. I love being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints but not because of every single rule but because of the power of the restoration and the peace that it brings to my life.
Thank you for sharing!! Loved hearing your story. I’m catholic and honestly didn’t know much about Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. So I found your post informative and interesting! I also full heartedly agree with you that people should be allowed to live THEIR ONE LIFE the way they want and we should not judge others who do things differently. I’ve been following you since you were pregnant with Atticus- thanks for sharing your journey with us.
I thought your perspective was great. I’m not LDS, I’m from Mesa and I have a good LDS friend who thinks along the same lines as you. I’ve always loved following you bc of your authenticity. Your IG and stories never have to look “perfect” and that’s what makes you so relatable. Keep being you !!!
Thank you for sharing this honest post. I think you’re absolutely beautiful, intelligent, and doing a great job raising your children with your sweet husband.
Thank you so much for sharing! As an LDS member I really think the church is slowly moving in a better direction. I also completely agree than we need to normalize that it’s okay and good to be in the middle and grey areas within the church. Extremism in any form is not a good thing. So we should all be okay to be in a middle ground within things and religion. Thank you for being open and for your thoughts! We are all growing!
I LOVE THIS!!! It’s so amazing to have someone as influential as you on social media share this perspective of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that I hope will someday become the future of the church. Thank you!!!!!
First time reading one of your blog posts and I was really moved by this. I am Catholic and grew up Catholic with a very strong faith. In these past few years many of the people that I knew to be kind and loving have proven otherwise especially in regards to the LGBTQ+ Community as well as women and climate change for that matter as well. My sister is gay and came out just a few years ago and seeing all of this hate in the world (much of it coming from Christian communities) is so painful for me because it’s just so hypocritical. Anyway, what I wanted to say was I have really been struggling with my stance in my religion as well not because of the religion but because of the people. You said something similar in your post and I really heard that and appreciated it because I have felt somewhat alone for quite some time and reading this has given me hope. Very inspired by this post 🙂
Even as an atheist this still hit home. I love the message of being true to your authentic self.
Thank you so much for sharing! I feel so many of the things you talked about in this post. As someone going through the same transitions I wish there was more talk of people going through this so I really appreciated someone who went through something similar being open about it. It makes it feel less of a lonely road ❤️
Beautiful words. Thank you for being so open and honest. I’m sorry you dealt with people judging you in New York. I love how you’re raising your kids and allowing them to be themselves, not just following exactly what you should for your religious. Nothing in life is a one size fits all.
Beautiful perspective. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing this post! I grew up Mormon as well and had very black-and-white thinking for a looooonng time. I feel like there are many ‘measurements’ in the church to judge someone’s worthiness and it is so hard not to use those to judge other people (or ourselves!) I think you are so right that as churchgoing people we need to do a lot better at not judging others who live the gospel differently. I feel so terrible for all the times I thought that members who dressed differently/drank coffee/swore/had more than one ear piercing/etc were bad or less than because they didn’t live the way I did. It’s so much more freeing to live the way you want to live, embrace what you believe, and reject what you don’t! And I totally agree with you about the need to change how some things are taught- I still struggle with residual guilt sometimes for my choices (wanting a career, being in grad school instead of having kids right away, etc). I NEVER want my future children to feel like they can’t pursue their dreams or that their partner’s career is more important. Thanks again for posting!
This is awesome. This is what makes role models and leaders. A welcoming nature and open minded attitude is what keeps people. Thank you for writing this and being so open and compassionate.
Thank you for being so honest. I’ve struggled with all the same things in the church growing up and it’s nice to know you’re not alone. With 3 girls I’m hoping to teach them that women aren’t just wives and mothers, but whatever the heck they want to be 💪🏼 Grateful for a great husband who is fully supportive of everything too just like you with David ❤️ You’re a strong mama and your kids are so lucky to have you ❤️❤️
This was super interesting to read. Where I live in (northern Europe) half of our capital’s inhabitants are members of the Lutheran church and other religions are so marginal that almost half the people don’t belong to any religious community. So reading about religion and church playing such a big role in people’s lives is just something very different from how we live around here. How great that you have found your way of doing it. Your family is just lovely!💕
I loved this blog post! I too have struggled with some of these same things and it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I wish everyone could just realize we’re all trying our best and what matters most is your relationship with God! Love you girlie, thanks 💕
Thank you for being so open and sharing! You have such a beautiful family. I’m sorry that people feel the need to tear you down.
Thanks for sharing – do you best and bless the rest! 🙂
Amber, I love your blog and instagram and most everything I see posted from you. I remember so clearly the first post I ever saw of yours (you were in NYC & wearing a coat & looked amazing – so long, long time ago!) So fun to follow you as you are always so relatable. You are inclusive, intelligent, gorgeous, and an incredible Mom and partner. I love how you feed your family and embrace life. With age, comes wisdom and you have obviously figured out what you and David value and mapped out for your life. Thank you for being you!
Such a BRAVE post and a wonderfully refreshing open perspective! I have a similar story and I ended up leaving my LDS community for a nondenominational Christian church and it’s been life giving! No judgement, no shame, no unattainable standards just God loving people trying to support each other through this life! We also live in the Phoenix area and we go to Redemption church in Arcadia. I really encourage you to try it! It might just be the home you’ve been looking for!
Such a great post, I truly admire you!! I completely agree that you can be confident in your relationship with God but still not agree with everything your church/ religion preaches. Love how forward thinking you are! 💗
As a woman who was born and raised in the church, I can relate to this post on almost every level. As a child, I never felt 100% right about church teachings, and the more I learn as an adult, the more I question. If you haven’t already read the CES letter, I highly recommend it. Thank you so much for being so open and candid about this topic. You are definitely NOT alone.
Thanks so much for your vulnerability in this post, I always love seeing that from you! I’m really interested in hearing more about how you mentally handle the dichotomy of where your beliefs stand, vs the church on certain issues and how you justify the good parts of the church against the parts you don’t want to support. This is something that I struggle with as well. For example, the church’s stance on LGBTQ issues. When we tithe, we are putting our money behind the church’s ideals on an international plane (lobbying, etc).
I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this. <3
Thank you for sharing with all of us! I’m still really confused about what garments are in the context of LDS and their importance to the LDS church. Could you explain for those of us that don’t understand? I tried googling, but there is a lot of info out there and I’m still not sure I understand the meaning. Thanks again for being vulnerable and sharing with us!
I think the best way to explain garments is to bridge with other religions. In the Catholic Church when a woman or man decide they want to commit their lives to God officially they becomes Nuns and Priests. So they often wear clothing that signifies that decision. You see this with Monks, Orthodox Jewish communities, Islamic faith and many others. When someone decides to commit more they often show it outwardly. For the LDS faith, when an individual has decided to make bigger commitments to God we are invited to prepare and go to the Temple. There we make commitments and are given garments. Going to the Temple in our religion doesn’t mean you are only committed to a life of God like other religions, after the attending the temple we live lives of work outside the church, etc, we are just asked to maintain standards of faith. Our garments are worn under our clothes so you don’t often see them and yes we are ask/told to wear them often, but garments are very personal. Just like Amber put beautifully. For us they are a physical representation of commitments, but it is a symbol and our inner desire/ faith is VERY important and often what we wear is not a great representation of who we are. Amber’s personal story is a great way to draw out that judgmental people are found everywhere, but I personally believe each person is responsible for their OWN salvation. How Amber or anyone finds God is a journey for that person alone. How that looks is going to different for everyone. None of us are alike and that is beautiful.
I love the complete honesty and allowance for vulnerability and change you gift us with on your platforms. This is a true testament. Thank you for sharing
This was beautiful. As an active member of the church it touched me deeply, I got emotional reading! I can feel your love for god and your family and that’s really the only thing that matters and ever should matter. We think differently on certain topics in the church but our motives and goal are the same, I have always appreciated your openness and realness on your platform and look up to you so much. You are a light, thank you! xx
Thank you for sharing this. You touch on so many important values, even outside of religion/just in the world: caring for family, not judging others, teaching boys and girls equally, etc… these are important principles that I wish we’d all been raised with, regardless of religious affiliation or lack there of. I’m childless by choice and I still truly enjoy watching how you raise yours. It’s inspiring and you seem like a genuinely amazing mother and partner. 🧡
Thank you So much!!! I feel the same way about so much of what you said. I am a member and appreciate you and your sweet heart. You and David are amazing people and parents. Sending you and your family so much love!!❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. I was also brought up in a LDS home and married in the temple. I have since become “inactive”. After years of trying I decided I couldn’t be my authentic self and continue to attend. At least in my ward if you aren’t 100% supportive to all the church doctrine you can not hold a temple recommend and therefore you can not hold a calling. The thought of church “leaders” meeting about how to “fix” me pushed me to realize I was not defined by my LDS membership.
Amber! This is written beautifully and I know soo many people resonate with YOU! You are incredible. You hit so many experiences that a lot of us who grew up in the church experienced too. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you so much!! As a member I feel so many of the ways you do. It’s refreshing to hear. You and David are amazing people and parents. Sending you so much love!❤️❤️❤️
SLC born and raised Mormon and left the church 7 years ago. All I can say is that if I had a mother or a role model like you when I was in my miserable teenage years with the church, I can confidently say that I would most likely still be a member practicing the way that felt right to me! The strength it takes to post this. The strength it takes to live freely from the judgement of others. The strength it takes to raise a family this way ❤️ Hugs, love & light to you and your home. And thank you for sharing.
Thanks for sharing your experience Amber! 🙂 As an adult have you ever tried different church like a nondenominational Christian church or have you always gone to LDS church?
Wonderful post mama, supporting you voicing all of this 100%
Loved the part about us needing more people in the middle. That resonates for our family and marriage and needs too.
thanks for sharing Amber, I’ve been a follower for maybe 6-7 years now…. Christian… Catholic… Canadian… that’s me, I love ya no matter what, no judgements here!
You are not alone, I am from an evangelical background. Evangelicals are going through some of the same things, especially when it comes to women.
My family is historically Mormon, like came over in a wagon train Mormon, and there are some things that have stayed with us (a famous Sunday roll recipe, big families, an emphasis on staying at home with kids). Some things serve us, while others do not.
Eventually, I came to a personal realization that Jesus said he came to be a servant, and that we are to serve one another in love. For me, that means that no matter what, I come back to compassion for myself and others, even if it takes me a while. 🙂
Thank you for posting this! I think a lot of people needed to know they’re not alone in their feelings. Love you girlfriend!
I LOVE THIS SOOOOO MUCH! You are such an inspiration. I’m so proud of you. I know it takes a lot of courage to speak about things that make others uncomfortable, but I’m so glad you did. <3
Absolutely love this post amber! The honesty and vulnerability could not have been easy but thank you for sharing. It’s so important to reevaluate how we were raised/parented so we can continually make improvements for each generation. Your children are very lucky to have a mom that wants to be the best and most true version of herself- what an important example!
Love you! I want to just say I feeeeel this post deep in my bones. I appreciate you using your platform to express what so many of us feel and think.
Amen to all of this!!!
Great post. Thank you for sharing. Love you and all you put out into the world! 💛
Thank you so much for sharing such a personal experience!! I sincerely hope you are not met with even more hate from less open minded members who may feel the need to “correct” you. I wish more members were so open minded and welcoming!! I am a convert since 19, and I’ve struggled with ALL of this, and I’ve only recently come to the best answers, conclusions, and acceptances for ME. I hope you feel the love from the positive ways you have affected so many, and know that moms (myself included!!) look to you for inspiration in raising a loving, accepting, and healthy family within the Gospel!
Have an absolutely wonderful day with your babies and hubby and puppet!!
I appreciate your blog post and your perspective! I really respect that you don’t allow such extreme, un-Christlike criticism to break your testimony of the essentials. That takes a lot of strength and I think it shows what a strong person you are! I love how rooted you are in the more objective truths like the Atonement, Heavenly Father’s love, eternal families, etc. So many other things are subjective and therefore subject to change (i.e. circumcision and polygamy are not appropriate for all times/societies and fulfilled their own purposes to God). It’s so human for us mortals (religious or not) to try to stuff other people in boxes that don’t fit, boxes that God didn’t create. This life and our covenants we make are so much more than a checklist to our Heavenly Father. In my experience, the shame was never passed down from the doctrine, but rather from those of us who forget that this life experience is not AT ALL about forcing ourselves into our own idea of a “box.” I appreciate you! Thank you for sharing.
I love your stance on religion & life! I am a Catholic, although I don’t go to church every week. My kids hate the church because they say things like marriage is between a man & a woman. This is so unrealistic in the world we live in today. I never allowed the church to tell me not to use birth control, or I’d have 10 kids that I could not afford to support & put through college. I take what I can from the scriptures and try to be a good person & love, without judgement, everyone! I live in Gilbert, AZ where a lot of Mormons & Catholics live. I have friends of all kinds of religions. Thank you fir sharing your story & know you’re not alone. Bless you.
This is absolutely amazing!!!!!!!! Agree to every aspect. You’re amazing, so glad you don’t care and are strong in how you feel!!!!!! Literally a joke, people judging you for wearing a bikini or shorts…total control!!!! Love your free spirit, wild side! God bless you and your absolutely adorable family!
This perspective is so validating. I was raised in an Orthodox Christian church, and have struggled with so many of the feelings you brought up. I knew that you were LDS based on previous blog and social media posts, but had incorrectly assumed your beliefs based on the LDS label until now.
I know there will be a part 2 to this post… would you ever share anything that helped you find your independence and not care what others (specifically family) think? I am in my early 20s, and struggling to find my own beliefs and stand by them, while not disappointing or losing the approval of my family. I find it hard to envision my future, because I don’t want to marry within my Church or follow the “black and white” way of living out my religion but I don’t know how to be open and honest with my family. I don’t think many people understand, unless they grew up with a specific religious or cultural background, that rules around modesty, marrying outside your religion, the role of a woman in the home, ect are so rigid for so many people.
I know you have mentioned seeing therapists in the last, was that someone that helped you find clarity on some of these ideas?
Please visit JW.ORG, I think you’ll find the answers your looking for.
All the love,
Ismely
This is such an amazing story to read. I went to a very restricted christian school and ended up being so dissapointed by religions in general. Im glad to know there’s people out there who are still trying to figure it out without taking all in blindly. Proud of you❤️
Amber. Thank you so much for this post. I was raised in the church and had so, so many of the same experiences. I was interested in boys since about age 13 and was taught that my natural interest was shameful, sinful, and wrong. I had to “repent” to the Bishop on several occasions. I could never imagine letting my children go through the same experience. I left the church at age 18, and I have never looked back, mostly because I didn’t know anyone with the courage to do what you have done—to openly admit that there are aspects of the church’s teachings that you disagree with. If I had known those people, maybe I would have felt like there was a place for me in the church. At any rate, THANK YOU for sharing. There’s such power in knowing we are not alone.
Really loved this post. Not a mormon, but somethings are similar in the religion I grew up in. Makes me happy finding people who think similarly to me about religion.
Have you considered trying a Christian church? It seems that some of the beliefs you have issues with are specific to the Mormon church. Enjoyed your post and honesty! It was refreshing to hear.
Being a member myself, I think it was the “Mormon culture” she grew up in being in a highly populated area of members, not the church itself. Highly concentrated Groups of people no matter what religion ie: Muslims/Jews/Catholics are judgmental and more gossip-y , I didn’t grow up with the shame etc. it was always between you and the Lord and no one else, everyone is on their own journey, we have no place to judge no matter what others do.
Totally agree with you there! But since the core belief in Jesus is the same (i believe) I was just curious since other churches dont have the undergarmts or bishop confessing etc.
Thoughts on recent Netflix special about the church?
I really appreciate how open, raw, and vulnerable you are with this post. It’s important to remember that everyone is on their own journey at their own pace, and regardless of your religion, it is so crucial to love and support everyone around you. (Even if you may not agree with their decisions 100%) I think you are an incredible example to girls and women everywhere, and I’m really happy to hear you are still an active member despite the hatefullness you’ve encountered.
I agree, in the end it’s between you & the Lord, no one else. Mormons are so quick to judge, especially in the high populated areas and that’s the “Mormon” culture not the gospel and I think it’s hard for people to distinguish the two. But it all comes down to having an understanding that God loves you and understands your needs are different, it’s not black & white rules for everyone, it’s between the person & God. Having an understanding of that myself, I don’t judge others, it’s a you do you and I’ll do me and let’s all be happy and grateful. He asks us to love one another and that’s all we should be doing, whether they’re drinking/smoking/LGBTQ/not temple worthy it doesn’t matter to us, we’re here to love and show His love, because if He was here he wouldn’t shame others He would reach out to those that are alone or shamed upon. It’s our natural man that gets in the way.
I just want to give you the biggest hug. Been creepin on you for years and just wanted to say thanks. We have had very similar experiences and ive felt a lot of shame (from high expectations i have put on myself). We are all trying. I think the most important thing as people is being able to truly think through what we believe. Wherever you end up.
Amber, thank you so much for being honest and so brave! From my experience there are SO many women with extremely complicated histories and feelings related to the church. Myself included.
I actually started university at BYU when I was 18 (And I totally remember meeting you a couple times, because I was going to be roommates with your cousin (I think cousin?) before I decided to leave and attend a public university – I hope that didn’t come off as creepy lol I remember everything about my life at that time in extreme detail). I ultimately decided to leave because I was so insecure about my beliefs and honestly felt like I was a huge imposter for attending a church school. I wish I had not been taught to see everything as so black and white. And I wish I had stayed because I think I would have learned a lot about myself. So thank you for putting this positive message out there! I hope more women can learn to find peace and self-acceptance in the “grey” area that we were taught does not, or should not exist as a member. Also, your blog design is beautiful!
This is great! I really respect you a lot more than I already did from posting this!!! You are amazing and your children are lucky to have a mom like you to look up to 💓💓💓
This is great, and all I want to say is amen.
Hi! This was so interesting! I have studied other religions but not Mormonism, so thank you for sharing. From what I do know though it sounds like you would THRIVE in a non-denominational christian church – main focus is a relationship with Christ rather than following a religion of rules. Religion vs. Spirituality is such a huge difference! Totally not trying to tell you what to do I truly just wanted to suggest it if you wanted to look into it! Genuinely all the love to you and your fam! I absolutely love following!
I really loved this post. I’m just curious if you’ve looked into going to a Christian church rather than a Mormon church. Shame should never be something felt in regards to going to a church. Jesus loves you no matter what, he doesn’t care what you wear or how you dress or what you post on social media because everyday he looks at you and sees his beautiful daughter who he created. A Christian church teaches this. There is no checklist of things you need to do to be a good person or “member”. If you give your life to Jesus then you will be welcomed into heaven. It sounds like you have more of a spiritual connection to God and Jesus then the Mormon church (which is how it should be) and there aren’t these shameful and strict teachings in a Christian church. We love and accept you for who you are. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or if you want to have a discussion.
yes this is exactly what i was thinking in my comment as well!!
Being a member myself, I didn’t grow up feeling shame or looked down upon, I think what she felt was the “Mormon culture” she was brought up in being in a high populated area full of members, people are more prone to judging and gossiping, it’s not the church itself. In the end the church is about loving God and Jesus and loving one another, no matter what others believe or do or say, we’re all on our own journey and it’s not our place to judge in the end it’s between me & the Lord and no one else, and I think members/people get caught up in ourselves/ego/natural man and lose sight of it at times.
Thank you for sharing your story. I think it’s so admirable. Being true to yourself and confident is your beliefs is a beautiful thing. Thank you!
❤️❤️❤️
I think you’re brave and honest. I believe you are sincere in your worship and that’s ALL that matters. Good thing God is our judge because he is kind, loving and forgiving, something humans struggle with. I’m LDS and raised my kids in Mesa and I agree that members are too concerned about others choices when we should be living our own lives and celebrating each other not shaming others. Love your positive Instagram feed and all your adorable kiddos who are obviously being raised with a lot of love and guidance! ❤️
I love and respect this blog post SO much. I knew your grandparents and often visited with them during my time as a missionary in Mesa 7 years ago (I have followed you since I saw your picture on their wall and I was a missionary that had social media). I have since “left” the church to a degree (I don’t believe that it is what it claims to be and find some things to be borderline abusive/unhealthy) yet still love some things about it and have hope that things within the church will be worked out. I love that you share that it is simply not true that all those that leave the church are unhappy. Thank you for being so candid— it has only increased my respect for you!
This was so interesting! The LDS church’s terminology and expectations, as well as the judgement of many of the members, is a little shocking. Not sure how people can live their life so concerned about how others are living theirs. It seems exhausting. Have you ever thought about leaving the church? Not sure religion is always necessary to practice your beliefs. I understand the community aspect, but the LDS community and their “rules” do not seem worth it. Regardless, you seem like such a strong, open-minded individual. Your kids are lucky to have a mom like you!
I admire you so much girl.
Have you considered going to a Christian church instead of a mormon church? Just curious because it sounds like alot of the mormon aspects are what ypu are conflicted on. Enjoyed your post and honesty!
I love this Amber! I love that you found what works for you. I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way, but this is exactly how I felt before I left the church. Basically, it came down to the fact that my personal morals & values (like the ones you have about sexuality, LGBT, etc) didn’t actually align with what the church teaches. And everything good I saw in the church (family oriented, Jesus, love, service, community, etc) I realized the lds faith doesn’t have a monopoly on and I could find in a regular Christian church or even just the Bible. I realized one day that I would never share the gospel with anyone because I truly didn’t want to inflict everything I struggled with on someone else. I was so jealous of people who just got to live their lives and be themselves. Combine that with reading the gospel topic essays on the church’s website where they admit to many things I always thought were considered “anti Mormon,” I knew that I could no longer support a church that had been involved in so many horrible things. I literally prayed and asked God to guide me and he led me out of the church. It’s so tricky though when your entire family is connected. Even though it was painful at first, I never felt more happiness and absolute freedom and peace about my decision. The stereotype of the angry ex Mormon is so not true in many cases. I only wish good things for those in the church. And as for me, I feel so much joy I never thought possible being authentic to myself and exploring the exciting possibilities of beliefs and answers to life from different sources. Wake Up With Weslie’s podcast about her faith expansion sums everything up so well for how I felt / feel about things and is a very supportive resource for anyone questioning or feeling like they don’t fit in to the church box. Sending all the love and hoping you continue doing what in your heart is right for you and your family 🧡🧡🧡
Hi! I am a Christian, Presbyterian to be exact, and although I don’t relate to everything mentioned in this post (specifically garments and confession) I FEEL THIS ON A NEW LEVEL. i needed to hear these words. my dad is a conservative reverend and it has been so hard for me to come to terms with sex and women and supporting the LGBTQ+ community. i love everyone. so does God. and, I just needed to hear this. thank you for being so vulnerable. as a professional counselor, I commend you SO MUCH for being so open on a topic that seems to be talked about so little on the internet. i love you and your family and you are and AMAZING BUSINESS WOMAN. thank you, amber <3
Yes girl!!! That sounds so cheesy but as a life long member myself reading this, I was like soul sister to everything you were saying!
This was the most beautiful, honest, “breathe of fresh air” to read. I applaud you for trusting yourself in situations that attempted to cause you to not trust yourself. I’m just so proud of you and it makes me love following you that much more. You’re amazing 🧡 So is David!
Beautiful post Amber. Thank you for sharing your heart. I especially love how you said,
“I deeply hope that we can be more accepting of people who are a bit in the middle – take some of it but not all of it – within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If we can’t do that we will lose a LOT of really amazing people.”
There really is room for everyone in the church and I think God would rather have saints who are less “perfect” and are more loving and accepting. Thanks again for being so brave and sharing. Lots of love to you and your family <3
Thanks for sharing your perspective! I so wish that there was more education given to young couples before they entered the temple. There is a misconception that we wear garments only for modesty purposes, but that is not exactly the case. They serve a purpose to remind us of covenants. I just wish young folks were given more information before they made their big life decisions. They’d feel more confident in what they choose to do regarding marrying in the temple or not. Anyway, just my two cents!
I love how much you share the every day moments of you guys interacting and playing with your kids on Instagram. That is the biggest testament of family being important and being Christ like . You are sharing this with the world in a natural and lovely way. You are raising kind amazing little humans and you constantly stress how important your kids are. This does more good then you will ever know.
Love this! Born and raised a less strict Mormon was judged my whole childhood for playing sports on Sunday and wearing tank tops. Went to BYU, loved my time there. Found the “Letter from a CES Director” which made me question all the doctrine. Took a few years off and avoided spirituality as I just didn’t know what to do next. Where I fit in . The church is hard with that, all in approach so I choose nothing but something was always missing – I needed to nurture my spirituality but didn’t know how to. Until I was blessed to find an awesome non-denominational church when we moved to Texas which I feel home, no judgement, all welcome in a we are all imperfect children of God who are learning and on our own journey way as it so in line with my beliefs. It feels so good to be able to fully embrace God again the way I want to in an atmosphere I feel happy , free and comfortable raising my kids in.
I don’t normally comment but wanted to share and support as I am grateful for you opening up this topic and opening up a place for the many people who are in similar situations who feel confused, lost and alone in that.
I am a Bishops wife in SLC . I think the Lord takes and loves us how we are! We are on all different walks of life and need to show our love and compassion to all! You are a stronger person when you don’t let what others think affect you! Keep being YOU!! Put God and family first knowing that God loves you just the way you are❤️
Amber- thank you so much for opening up and sharing this topic on religion. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints— I can relate on so many levels. Over here crying because of this post. It is so important not to judge others (especially their religion/beliefs) because that is not what Christ did. He loves us all. We are here to learn, grow, find happiness & joy, learn from our mistakes, but above all be the best version of ourselves no matter our imperfections. ❤️
That honestly makes me sick that people would say such things! So terrible. Why can’t people just worry about themselves instead of wasting their time judging others? Something I’ll never understand. Whenever I get offended I just say to myself, “my salvation is between me and the Lord and no one else.” Thank you for being brave and sharing! I’m excited that President Nielson is making lots of positive changes and I hope this helps the judging problem in the church 🙏🏼.
Good for you Amber- this is the kind of content that will bring people to your church! If everyone in the church had the same stance as you, people like me would join for the community and family values in a heart beat. God bless you and your family.
I so appreciate your bravery and your open heart in discussing the church! It’s really nice to see an example of someone trusting their heart and mind over blind faith in rules and peer pressure. My whole family left the (LDS) church many years ago and, as a mom of two teen girls who have each individually come out as gay in the last few years, I am grateful that they aren’t subject to the disapproval of of the church in addition to society. It would have been a lot easier and a more appealing home for us had people been more open minded and loving examples like you!
LOVED this post! I feel for you on so many levels, as I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints myself and totally agree with a lot of your points! We, as church members as a whole, should be much better at pointing others and ourselves to Jesus Christ and His Atonement — which is all accepting and understanding. Christ is perfectly patient, loving, and encouraging because we need it! And you’re right! Diversity should be celebrated. I love that you are intentional in your actions. We should always work to educate ourselves on topics in order to then act in faith and testimony, because it is all SO important. But respect everyone does so differently, receives spiritual promptings differently, and moves at different rates. Doing so blindly simply because of social pressure is the total wrong approach. I also LOVE the idea of embracing sexuality at a young age AND discussing Heavenly Mother as well. Thank you for sharing!
Amber, thank you so much for your testimony! I wish we heard more testimonies like yours over the pulpit.
I remember wearing tankinis in high school and feeling like absolute shame. My body was “covered” and yet I still felt wrong. I too married in the temple. I recently made the decision not to wear the garments anymore, as a trial. I started to make decisions on how I dress based on what makes me feel good and I am so glad I did. I feel more confident. More myself. And guess what….I still have a relationship with my Savior. That didn’t end because I choose to not wear my garments. I also never felt spiritually connected to them and am so comforted to hear that others struggle with this too.
I see another comment saying they felt like they were reading their own story and I feel the same. Especially when you talk about being a good example to your kids, not a perfect one. I really struggle with that. I feel a pressure to be all in and perfect in the gospel for my kids. But I realized that if I am honest with them, they could maybe avoid some of the shame I have felt for being “in the middle.”
I wish we could sit down and have lunch and talk about this, because there is so much. Again, I really appreciate your honesty and I find comfort in your story. Looking forward to part two! Xo
Beautiful post. I can’t imagine sharing something so personal, so publicly. So brave! And it’s touching so many. I love that you say there is still stuff you’re trying to figure out. I think you’re speaking for 99% of us! I’ve realized how much of the church is cultural. The church still functions very much in the guilt and fear driven culture that our parents grew up in, and I’m loving seeing it shift as the world’s culture becomes more open and accepting. I’m so excited to see how amazing it is when our generation is leading the church. It’s already starting! The church has always been influenced by the culture of the time it’s in, because it’s run by imperfect people who are influenced by their culture. Because of people like you, speaking out, the culture will adjust just how it needs to to be more loving and accepting ❤️.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post, Amber! I’m born and raised Catholic and feel the exact same way about my religion. Especially the part about your hope is that the church and we as members can learn to accept people who are doing their thing their way.
BRAVO!! 💖
Thank you for being so honest to yourself and everyone else. You didn’t have to put yourself out there for criticism, it’s so inspiring to read YOUR truth ❤️
Thank you for everything you said, I needed to hear all of it. Lots of love from this end to yours!
Hi Amber! I’ve followed you since like 2015, have always loved your ig, and then ended up marrying a Fillerup lol. I just wanted to say that I love and agree with everything you said!! I think this type of openness is so important for other members to see too so we can turn towards a more open, and loving culture in the church. I admire your strength and healthy, loving perspectives!
Amber I loved this! I am an active member of the church and have struggled with the same things you have. Almost exactly! I am in my late 20s and just realizing the affect the church culture has had on me and have been working through some of those issues. I still have a strong testimony of the church. But there so many things that the Utah culture/specific leaders and wards have taught me that have been so negative. It’s especially damaging because I feel like my husband has not had the same issues I have ( mainly because he was not taught the way I was about specific issues) Thank you for sharing- you are not alone in feeling this way and those of us who feel similar know we are not either!
It breaks my heart that there were ever people who would take the time to write forums based on anyone, but especially in their relationship to church worship. It is so harmful and I can only hope that this younger and more open minded generation have helped us all realize how ridiculous that is and “cancels” forum culture. I am a member and have followed your family since before Atticus, and I have always just been happy to see your strong example of a boss mom who clearly loves loves her children. No need to even involve the church in it. I am happy you are at a place of contentment away from those horrible people, and I love that there is a separation in church and culture starting to form so people can see the fallacies in their thinking. You are awesome.
I am really thankful for you sharing your experience. Reading your post made me feel like I was reading my own story. I have had very similar experiences and always felt that if I focused on the aspects of the church that I loved, I would find much more happiness and love for God. Instead of forcing things on myself that I didn’t have in my heart and that didn’t feel right for me. Anyways… thank you, thank you, thank you. It feels good to have someone to relate to.
It hurts my heart that so many were so cruel. I don’t understand it. Your voice and experience are important. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share and hopefully help continue to change things for the better.
I needed this ❤️❤️❤️❤️
LOVED this and agree 100%! I always call myself “mormon”ish and identify much like you. It really can be so difficult to be a non-orthodox member, especially in Mormon bubbles! Good for you for finding detachment and confidence in your own lifestyle. And thank you for creating more space for non-orthodox people!
This is awesome!! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
I ADORE your precious heart!! I grew up Mormon and left the church when I was 16. My heart couldn’t settle with most of what you mentioned…and I found truth in God’s Grace instead.
THANK you for being open. And for being YOU. If you get a moment, check out Michah Wilder’s testimony on You Tube. ❤️
Much love, beautiful one.
I LOVED THIS!!! thank you so much for sharing, I’ve been in a period of reflection and question for the last year and your testimony gave me the chills. I’m really grateful for your example and taking the time to identify what is best for you and your relationship with God. Your kids and David and local community are lucky to have you!
I think it’s wonderful that you are being so open and honest about your experience. I don’t know much about the Mormon church, but I feel it’s more important than ever for people to share their background and for us to support our differences. I hope this brings you peace and the support you deserve.
I so, so deeply relate to this. Not because I’m Mormon, because I’m not, but because as a person who grew up religious, I often feel in my heart so differently than what I am expected to feel. I, too, support the LGBTQ+ community with my whole heart. I believe that everyone can live a different life – that religion doesn’t equal morality and an absence of religion doesn’t mean an absence of morality. It’s hard for me to digest the church’s tendency to tell people how to live their life because it so strongly goes against my own beliefs, which is that everyone should be able to live their life however THEY choose to. This was a long response, but I just really relate to this. I’m thankful to see someone else who wrestles and who questions and who ultimately decides for themselves. It’s quite refreshing. 💗
I have found it so fascinating that there is such a large Mormon presence in the influencer realm given all that you have stated above about the church. I am not Mormon and know next to nothing about the religion, other than I always a viewed it as one of the more conservative religions, which you basically confirmed in your post. Anyway, I’m assuming you are one of the Mormon trailblazers in regard to being “influencer”, but can I ask how and why there seems to be such a niche for many Mormon women on the social media platform, mostly IG and YouTube? I can totally understand why accts like yours and Rachel Parcell’s have blown up – you’re both beautiful, are entrepreneurs, and have many posts about fashion, hair, make-up, etc. however, many of the younger Mormon influencers don’t seem to provide any real value to the platform other than sharing their adventures in Hawaii. I don’t mean that to sound rude, but anyone can do that who is living somewhere appealing to the masses, but why is it that the Mormon accts tend to gain such a following? Anyway, appreciate your presence on this platform and hope nothing I asked/said was offensive. Just super curious about your viewpoint.
I’m your “typical Mormon”. I have followed your blog and social media for years. I think you’re AMAZING and very brave. You and David are fantastic examples and you truly have a heart of gold. Thank you for sharing, I love your honesty and testimony. Thank you for your example!
Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! Amber this means the world to me. You seem like such a sweetheart and hearing you be open and vulnerable with all of your thoughts (even the unsure ones) is BEYOND refreshing on social media. I can’t thank you enough for this post. It just made my heart feel so comforted to see someone that has thoughts exactly like me!!!
Thank you for your vulnerability!! I am 21 and have looked up to you for many years. This post is so real and important. Spirituality and religion are hard, but it is SO critical we each can get individually navigate that and really understand what we believe and truly believe it. Thank you for this. You are the coolest. Again, just look up to you a lot!! ❤️
Amazingly said, well spoken, and honest! I was raised in the Mormon church, my parents divorced when I was 7 (my mom actually met my now step dad at church) and it was a hard time for our family. My mom continued to dedicate her life to the church but my dad left. I split my time between the households and that was when I started drifting away from the church. I left the church when I was a freshman in high school, but so much of it is still with me, imprinted on me and how I view god and Jesus Christ and religion. I also believe the church should be more accepting of those who are in the middle, because truly it’s why I left, I wasn’t all in and therefore I was out, I’d that makes sense. I also blame the church for not giving me a well rounded view of the fact there are different kinds of families, I am glad they are becoming more accepting of different kinds of families and relationships, but it’s a shame it is only recently. Anyway, I relate to this so much and I so appreciate that you’ve shown us that confidence in yourself and your relationship with god is such a gift we should all work on!
Phenomenal. A big “sigh of relief” to know I’m not alone and I’m sure there are so many LDS people, not just women that feel this. Beyond proud Amber that you put this out there. Love to you!
I’m in the middle of finding my “middle ground” right now and I’ve been trying to reconcile my desire to live my life the way I believe and also be “temple worthy.” How do you navigate that? Do you answer the questions positively because you feel temple worthy and not get into specifics with your bishop? Or do you just reconcile yourself to membership without a recommend? I know this is very personal, which is why it’s so hard to find someone to talk about this with. I’m not offended if you don’t want to answer 😊
Please watch The holy Bible verses the book of Mormon on YouTube. It is incredible and very eye-opening
Amber – you should be so proud of yourself. This is so well-written and you can tell you have put your heart into it. I hope that publishing this gives you a sense of freedom and weight off of your shoulders. As you can see in the rest of the comments, you have given so many people so much validation. I really enjoyed reading this, and my respect and admiration has only grown – I love you as an influencer even more now! There is so much emphasis on the internet/in the church on perfection and you were so vulnerable. You are an amazing example to so many women, and especially your sweet kiddos!
Thanks for sharing! Curious if you’ve considered joining a more progressive Christian denomination like Methodist or Presbyterian.
THANK YOU so much for putting so much thought and feeling into this. I share so many of these opinions with you and it was so refreshing to read. You are amazing!
Also, thank you for sharing so openly and vulnerable. ♥♥
This is beautiful and I am so thankful for you sharing this. Open dialogue like this can help a lot of people (myself included) feel like there’s a place for us in the church.
Great post! As an active member I have learned so much about judgment and have been judged SO much for different things that I’m doing “wrong” and have learned that there are things we don’t have to confess to a bishop (though it’s not bad if you feel like you should and of course there are things you do need to confess to start repentance like affairs/drug addictions/abuse/etc). It’s not up to anyone to tell a person that they are sinners and need to confess to a bishop or be ashamed. It’s up to us to be good examples and simply love and serve everyone regardless of what we believe someone is doing “wrong.” I can’t believe the things people have said to you and just hope you can know those people are wrong to judge and say those things, especially when all of us are sinners! And I think polygamy is weird too, I hate even thinking about it it freaks me out so bad. So props to you for persevering and going to church despite the idiots who’ve made things hard for you—that shows strong devotion that so many people don’t have!
Oh my gosh, thank you for sharing this, Amber. It is so nice to know I’m not alone. I did grew up and was heavily involved in the evangelical/fundamental christian community, not the church of LDS, but I can relate to so much of what you share. We had expectations of modesty, how to speak/act, sex/dating/boys, and strong beliefs on interpret the bible, living life, and doctrine. It definitely created a lot of shame or insecurity over many things in my life, even though I was a “good” kid and tried to be perfect. Over time, I have gone through some deconstructing – taking apart and examining what I have been told and trying to figure out what *I* believe and what my relationship with god looks like (outside of a religious box). I have had immense frustration with how church dictates how others should live and judges people… people can’t be vulnerable or authentic because of it. Also, how my church made it seem like they had everything figured out when actually there are a lot of grey areas. Similarly to you, I’ve decided life is a journey and each person’s is going to look different and there is SO much beauty to that. Each of us needs to be allowed to “make mistakes” and live “imperfectly” (according to others) and to embrace our journey… and I think this will also lead us to a more authentic relationship with god/spirituality on a personal level. Churchs I went to also had a lot of strong stances on politics and the LGBTQiA+ community, and which is hard because it is one of the things I don’t agree with them on anymore. I’ve heard a lot of people are leaving churches, although many are still spiritual or believe in god, and I think a lot of it has to do with what you and I experienced.
Thank your for sharing 💕 I loved reading this because I have lived in the utah bubble my whole life and have always felt like I did not belong because I don’t believe in everything 100 percent and I think that is OKAY. I really admire how you’ve been able to hold your head high and be above the negative comments, but I’m also sorry you’ve had to go through that. 🙁 you are such a positive light to follow!
I feel this is how everyone should treat all religions, focus on the parts that make you a better person! Love this.
Thank you so much for supporting the LGBTQ+ community <3
So so beautiful and honest. Thank you for sharing how so many people feel about their relationship with religion!! 🙂
I NEEDED THIS POST SO MUCH! Thank you! I had a similar upbringing–focus on modesty, repressing sexuality, praying for future husband. I am so grateful for you sharing your growth and change. The struggle between how we were raised and how we want to raise our children is not talked about enough. And thank you for showing your support for the LGBTQ+ community. You are such a powerful voice and it means a lot.
I love this so much! I have also had my struggles with garments and that is never talked about in the church. They never talk about the possibility that garments aren’t for everyone. I remember feeling so guilty throughout my mission and since when my friends and family would talk about how protected and self they felt with them and how they just loved them and I did not feel that way at all. Thank you for sharing your perspective and this part of your life with us 💛
👏🏻👏🏻As a lifetime member, I applaud your openness and self-acceptance! As a mom of lots of girls, and boys, but the girls definitely had more of a struggle! I always let them know, I stood behind them no matter their choices! After all, someone has to teach others tolerance, acceptance and the error of being judgmental! Bravo, beautiful!
Thank you so much for sharing! This makes me feel so much better about being a member and having similar thoughts and perspectives to yours.
Could you share a bit more regarding how you raise your kids religiously? I remember seeing something about how you have your kids read the Quran and the Talmud as well as the Bible/ Book of mormon. I love that idea and I would love to hear more about that (why you do that with your kids, how you decided to start doing that, etc).
I love your stance on all of this. It is clear that you are a wonderful mother.
Beautifully said. I myself am not religious, but I married into a mostly Mormon family. (my husband excluded) I grew up in such a “normal” Christian Non-denominational bubble that I honestly had never even heard of Mormonism. Getting to know my in-laws and family was super interesting and eye-opening for me. Learning about some of the practices and beliefs I was in disbelief and shock! There are still a lot of old-school teachings that could be updated and modernized that would help the church gain new members and followers. I think it is so important that there are members like you who dare to be different and don’t follow the standard, but you follow your heart, and follow God. It is so important, now more than ever, that our children learn individuality and how to be independent with their own choices and thoughts. You are such an inspiration and a light in this world. I hope this inspires more people to openly talk about their experience with the church.
This is absolute perfection. Thank you for you vulnerability in this space. YOU are being the change you predict in this culture abs religion. You are making a safe space for the many of us feeling the negatives of shame. Thank you. I think you are the real MVP. Much love
Perfectly said. The Church of Jesus Christ says to love others as Jesus does. This is all I need to focus on.
Amber, my heart breaks that you ever felt this isolation and pain but WOW what a cool platform God has given you to encourage young members of the church too. I just imagine so many young girls feeling the same way you did and reading this and finding freedom! You’re so right, it’s ONLY about God and our relationship with him. Religion is a byproduct of our relationship with him. I believe in the church and recognize church is the bride of Christ, but it is deeply flawed. I pray you are the catalyst for unity and understanding in your ward and beyond. Grateful for your words!
My husband and I parted ways from the church about 5 years ago and it has been both liberating and heartbreaking. It has been devastating to see the people we thought were friends/family turn their backs on us or judge us. That being said we still have a great group of people who love us and it is great knowing who will really be there for you. I appreciate your courage for speaking out having such a big platform to do so. I hope you too have those people in your life that will love and accept you for exactly who you are!
Hey Amber,
I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I felt the need to comment on this post. I also grew up as a member of the LDS church in Arizona and I can definitely relate to you on a lot of these topics! There are things that you said that I don’t agree with and things that I do agree with. HOWEVER that does not matter at all! I think that the concept of people thinking it’s ok to comment on people’s lives and shame them and attempt to be involved in someone’s personal decisions is so strange. YOU and only you get to choose. That’s the beauty of life and that’s the beauty of our religion. I absolutely feel that anyone no matter their choices can have a personal relationship with God and I love that you are teaching that to your children! And I love that you are encouraging them to figure things out for themselves just like you. I hope that you remember how great of a mother you are and how great of a person you are. Thanks for your post!
👏🏻Bravo! So well said…I also grew up in the Mesa “bubble” and unless you have lived it- nobody “gets it”. I also went to my bishop for KISSING a boy (wearing my nicest Red Dress) upon which my bishop told me I wore red because the devil was in me! I’m also a red head…so there’s that!! Thanks for sharing💃👩🏻🦰❤️👠
Thank you so much for such an open and honest post! I was raised in Utah and had many of the same experiences…I ultimately did leave the church with my husband and kids 5 years ago and ended up moving to Austin because I really did feel like it was so black and white, you are in or out, and there were too many things I couldn’t reconcile or “shelve” any more. Love your little family (well, love watching y’all) and just keep being a bad ass woman!
You are an absolutely amazing human being. This is so brave and and so strong to share. I have very similar feelings about it all, but I don’t know where or how to express it to others. Mainly, I just want to tell you that I think you are one of the coolest, most down to earth ladies I’ve ever seen. I have been following you since the beginning of your marriage and have been blessed to see you and your family grow. You are a wonderful mother, and an inspiration to this little 25 year old still trying to figure it all out. Keep being amazing ♥️♥️♥️
I just want to thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. I’ve been a reader of your blog since BD (Before David) — I’m sorry people have thought it on to judge you on your personal choices when you, even in disagreement, are respectful. You clearly have been so thoughtful in your own evolution, and you deserve to be able to sit in your decisions and opinions in peace. I grew up going to Catholic school and look back on some of the lessons and expectations and am baffled by how shaming and unwelcoming it was a lot of the time. Wishing you continued internal peace.
I loved this post. I think that judging people is the worst thing that you can do more worse than the actual “sin”. I love our religion and i do believe in God. But for me it’s the people. A lot of them can be so rude and judge mental and constantly ask “how come you haven’t been at church in so long?” it’s not anybody’s business. So i just want to say thank you for sharing your experience! I think this generation is going to help not be so judgmental and more loving and caring and being there for one another!
I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ also. Thank you for telling us your story. You are amazing and I appreciate your positiveness in your post. ❤️
This is such an incredible post. I was looking for understanding and I came away with so much more. Kudos to you, Amber.
Thank you! As a long, looooong time follower, I knew you were probably settled somewhere in the middle. It’s so powerful to share that voice and specifically advocate for the LGBTQ+ community that is overlooked or shunned within the Mormon church. Wishing you the best
Wow this post is just so many things that I needed to hear. Thank you so so much for sharing this. I have been in a rough spot with the church for the past few years now and after getting married at 19 and struggling in my marriage basically from day one it caused me to go to a really dark place and partially blame the church for my problems. I felt so trapped in my life and so resentful of how I’d grown up and it caused me to do some things I really regret. I’m coming back from that now, and I feel like my eyes have been opened to so many good things about the church. Now I feel so thankful to have another chance with my marriage and to have a chance to have a beautiful family like yours one day with my husband. I love everything you said about your belief being centered on God and Jesus Christ, and embracing the feminine side of your faith. I resonate so much with what you said about the LGBTQ community, that was one of the biggest things that has broken my heart about the church for so long but the day I realized I could support LGBTQ and still be a member was really powerful for me. I literally feel the exact way you do about garments. Sorry I know this comment is so long , it’s just so wonderful to hear someone else say what has been on my mind for months now so thank you <3 I pray that one day I can be a strong, loving beautiful mother like you and teach my children faith over fear and help them not have the same toxic beliefs and mindsets that I did when I was young.
Nice to read.
Thanks so much for sharing such tender and raw feelings with such honesty! It’s beyond belief that people could treat others the way you’ve experienced. Certainly not Christlike at all. I’m proud to call you a Fillerup “cousin”, even if distantly. Love, peace and blessings to you and your family.
Wonderfully said.
Beautiful! Love God and love Christ and do your best. There is so much grace.
THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!!! I have followed you since the beginning and have ALWAYS thought so highly of you so it hurts to hear the judgement and bullying you have received. A few years ago I went through a pretty traumatic faith crisis after learning church history and other things about the church I didn’t know previously. As of right now, I’m still a member but I view the church and believe very differently. For me it’s been hard to be in this space and navigate what to teach our kids. But I do love people like you who live it their own way so boldly. It inspires me and I think it helps to make the organization more healthy and well-rounded. Thank you for sharing your story. You are such a light and insanely beautiful inside and out. Thank you for being YOU!! I wish you the best in everything xo
Amazing! I agree with you and had similar experiences especially the young rebellious kid and feeling shame when we 100% shouldn’t feel that. I’ve raised and taught my kids differently in that way and will never push religion in them. It’s a personal choice and should never be done to please someone else. Thank you for being an amazing person.
I have literally never commented on a blog before, but felt like I HAD to after this. I grew up as a conservative christian and while it’s not completely the same, there were so many similar themes to my life. I’m sure this took a lot of courage for you to write and I just wanted to tell you how important your words are to so many young girls and women who are trying to figure all of this out. I’m raising three young kids and am on the same journey of faith deconstruction that you are. Thank you for your words, you’re helping so many people.
Thank you so much for posting this and being so vulnerable!! Garments have been SO HARD for me and I find them so unnecessary, I just do not have a testimony of them. So to hear another woman share her similar experience was everything. Thank you thank you thank you!!
I hope you see this. I LOVED your post on our church today. The message of acceptance of members within the church is one that is not verbalized enough. I admire your strength to stay in the church and focus on your testimony and gods love for you instead of listening to the judgements of others. I’m so sorry you’ve dealt with that. I can’t tell you how long i have looked up to and have been attracted to your strong kind presence. You are such a light and a lifesaver when it comes to motherhood 😂 seriously I’ve resourced your blog for everything when it comes to motherhood. Thank you for all the insight you bring to this world ❤️
Wow!!!!! I was so excited to read this and I loved it. Cannot wait for more. This is the first time I’ve read about this religion, and everything I’ve heard seems positive… my boyfriend and I have been searching for the perfect Christian religious fit for us lately……I am excited to learn more!!! Thank you amber 🥺😍
Amber, I did not grow up in the LDS church. I did however grow up in an extremely conservative church known as the “Church of Christ”. The specific church I grew up in was known to be the most strict. They instilled a fear-based faith within me and caused me to feel constant shame. No questions could be asked or you would be judged harshly for doubting God. The past few years I have walked away from that place and joined a non denominational church. It has been hard to not feel that same guilt and shame I know so well, but I finally feel connected to God and loved by my church. I’m trying to learn that same “i really don’t care what you think” mentality. It is hard! I really relate to your post and I REALLY appreciate the transparency! Thank you:) You’ve encouraged me to keep moving forward.
I can’t tell you how much I love this post. Thank you thank you thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. I’ve never loved you more
As someone that is not LDS but grew up in Utah and married into an LDS family in my experience LDS people can be some of the most judgmental people and it can really leave a bad taste in your mouth about the religion as a whole. I respect your views and think it’s important that you are raising your children in a way that feels right for you and David. You should be proud.
Love it’s the felling that really matter.
Not the men’s rules only the rules of God – LOVE
This was soo interesting. I’m not religious myself, but I still think that respecting each mothers beliefs (as long as they don’t hurt other people) is important. Love how you write about this, you are such a great example of how to have integrity and being open! I hope that you reach a lot of people that can find inspiration from you in how to talk about this topic.
I feel so seen!! Thank you so much for your vulnerability and honesty! You most definitely are not alone in feeling this way. I love my happy in the middle spot and am learning how to handle that too. Thank you!!!
I love your point that good can come from different religions and that god loves all of us. We had someone give a talk about this in church recently and it really resonated with me. God hears all prayers and I believe that he speaks to leaders outside of our church 🙂
Thank you for this😭 I have struggled so much because of this “shame” that was so apart of if the ways the church teaches the young women. I’ve never had an example of the middle ground, always 100% with everything- anxiety town! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on raising children in the church and protecting from the toxic parts of the culture. I’ve been so confused about this and have wanted to raise them out of it cause I pretty much don’t even have a testimony of any of it anymore!
Agh sorry for venting! But thank you again! Can’t wait for part 2!
Wow. So much of this reflects my own experience with the church. I am one of those people who left the church because I couldn’t hang with the shame and the gossip. I still love my relationship with God though and it took a lot of work (and some therapy lol) to build that separately from the church. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing. It felt incredibly validating to read this.
I am so glad you have this platform to say these things ESPECIALLY “Stop telling young girls to pray for their future husbands.” I might add, stop telling young women to set the goal to only marry a return missionary! That never sat well with my in Young Women. I wrote that in a ‘goal’ list in my journal just because that’s what we were told to have as a goal. I didn’t marry a return missionary or a member of the church. I am an active member, I went to the temple by myself all with the incredible support of my husband. I have seen so many failed marriages within the church from what I believe to be the pressures of the CULTURE of the members of the church. I too can see the culture of the church becoming more accepting because its becoming so global. So many different cultures, backgrounds, converts from all walks of life. I am happy to see the “utah culture/mormon culture” whatever you want to call it fizzle away. The gospel is so individual and our relationship with God is so individual.
I couldn’t love this more! Thank you for being vulnerable. I’m a Christian and I too struggle with certain things. I go through moments where I support sexuality because it’s natural, but then I also see couples who remain pure until marriage and their relationships seem less complicated and more bonded for the right reasons, to stand the test of time. I also fully support LGBTQ and truly believe love is love…but I do believe God intended for man and woman to be together (penis+vagina=procreation). I just try to spread love and positivity and really focus on my family and our values and be less concerned about others’ values. It’s the best we can do 🙏🏼
I’m not an LDS member, but I really enjoyed your post! And bravo to you and David for raising your children, in the church, but also ensuring they don’t experience things that may impact them years from now. I wish we, as women, could support and lift up OTHER women more! You’re a great example to your daughters (and son) to show that a woman can be smart, independent, kind, Christian and beautiful!
This is so sweet
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!! Thank you so much for sharing such an intimate side of you💞💞
Thank you for sharing this Amber. I 100% agree with you. Thank you for being so open. As a member of the church I have felt the same feelings and it helps to know there are others out there who feel the same. Thank you again!!
It felt so validating to read this, and it really is so brave of you to be this vulnerable and talk about religion. It helps me feel a little braver to open up to my friends and family about where I’m at with the church. I grew up in a very active home and even served a mission. Honestly, I was always a little judgemental because that was just the culture I grew up in! I’ve come a long way (like you) and have had to deal with all the feelings of shame when I slowly realized I didn’t even WANT to fit “the mold” of the church anymore. I love the church and I love God, but I’m not to the point where I can be part of a ward without feeling judged or looked down on yet. I do agree that the church is going in a good direction though, slowly but surely! In your next posts I’d love to hear more about how you teach your kids things a little differently than what that learn at church. Also when people ask if you’re religious do you say “hi yes I’m Mormon”? Because I feel like people make assumptions that all Mormons dress the same, don’t drink coffee, have the same political beliefs, etc. and it’s hard when you don’t want people to assume you’re part of the stereotype.
Everything you said in this post was amazing. I just want to say that that is exactly what I needed to read. As a young girl and a member of the church I felt so much shame, and as I am now preparing to get married in the temple, the idea of wearing garments for myself, and even more so for my convert husband seems daunting. This post really opened my eyes to the fact that it is truly okay to not always agree with the church and that is perfectly fine.
This was a really amazing post. I know a lot of it was reallyyyyy personal but I really liked what you said about garment, I also have a really hard time wearing them… and I’ve tried to wear them when I can but it’s nice to hear positive perspectives of people who also struggle.
Amber, I am so thankful that you shared this and am so proud of you for putting this out there! I am not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of LDS, I grew up Baptist. And I can tell you that SOME your experience is very reliable to me and to other women I know in other Church denominations! If we can’t talk about it though, things won’t change. I think that you are being true to yourself and to the truth of who God is and his Character!! If you haven’t heard of the “Bible Project” they have great short videos on YouTube. And they recently did a series on “the Character if God” that I think you would really love!!!! I’m praying for and rooting for you!!!
I feel you! For me, a big time sinner, aren’t we all have been very lucky to have great Bishops… they don’t harp on me about my sins… they are happy to see me when I walk through those doors and as a single mom once again…. raising my son the best I can… he just recently was baptized and it was completely his decision… growing up I had no choice to not go to church and I hated the feeling so with my own boys I never forced them too, there were some Sunday’s that we didn’t go and when my older boys had the decision to go on a mission it was up to them… but I made sure to teach them to endure to the end and they did…. my oldest son does not go to church but the foundation has been laid and he knows that regardless his Savior lives him… and the greatest commandment is to love one another and my kids are great examples of that! Keep doing you!
This was super eye opening for me in a great way! Thanks for sharing your perspective!
I am so happy you have chosen to be open about your struggles with the church. I think most people have issues with it, and a lot of people come off as fake because we are all trying to meet this idealistic standard and fear judgement from others. I am so sorry you felt shame for so long, but so happy you are beginning to find a good place for you. If you are good with God, who is anyone else to judge that? You did mention some stuff about confessions to a bishop and I have had this conversation with some close friends recently. My stance on it is, Christ suffered for our sins… he is our advocate, why is the bishop many times the barrier or bar to entry for things? He is just a man, and when he puts limits on our own personal journey and relationship with forgiveness and God, it negates the whole point of the atonement. One of my favorite saying when it comes to the dogmas of the church is “just because someone “sins” (or really does things differently, because there is sin and just doing things differently) than you do, it doesn’t give you the right to judge them” much love for you and your family as you continue to be an amazing example of a hardworking and loving wife and mother, and teaching others to just be good and kind people.
I love this! Thanks for sharing your thoughts in a positive way. I love your last paragraph of all your “I believe’s.” ❤️
Beautiful! Thank you for being vulnerable, raw, and honest. I’m not a Mormon, still don’t get it fully I only starting hearing about it on Instagram. I can’t imagine the judgement and pressure you must feel based on what I’ve seen circling the internet the last few years. You’re amazing! None of us have anything fully figured out while we are raising our kids. We are trying our best and showing them we don’t always know the answers but we are always questioning and learning. That’s what life is about. I’m sorry people have so much hate and anger I hope they find peace and happiness( I’m not religious but I do “pray” they figure this out). The world and our kids need more people like you who are accepting and open and not willing to shame children for questioning and pushing boundaries. That’s their one job!!! Love you so much for this!!
Hi Amber! When you and David were dating back in Provo, my dad was David’s bishop in the Branburry ward. I went to church with him right before my mission. I went with the ward river rafting one time when you came with David and met you there. This might seem like a weird post haha, but I just gotta say how sweet and strong you are. I’ve followed you ever since, and absolutely love your content! You seem like you’re such an amazing wife and mother, your children are beautiful, and I can tell you’re really happy!!! I’m inspired by your post and loved your testimony at the end! And wow it hits home with the Spirit! And we’re all MIDDLE GROUNDERS! We’re ALL working on things, and to those who assume they’re better, they’re missing the entire point, and frankly their hearts are in a worse off place. So yes. Wow a resounding yes to everything you said. Just know their are people who really really admire you AND are members of the church. I cringed so hard at those comments of the New York ward. Wow. I served there, and really came to love the people. But maaannnn that is not ok. And you’re not alone thinking that. Just wanted to share my thoughts and say you’re truly admired Amber. Thanks for being someone I have adored for years. 🙂
You’re brave to speak out and voice your side of it. I truly believe no matter the religion it should be a choice to do things your way.. in the end hour the one that answers to God. From a social standpoint you’re an amazing mama, wife and friend. Sending you all the love and good vibes as you navigate your relationship with God. It’s a life long journey!! Xo
I love that you share your experiences so opening. There are a lot of things in church culture that need to change. But my feeling is that to progress in the church of Jesus Christ spiritual. The temple is a huge part of that. Do you feel that you are progressing when you are unable to go to the temple? Or just happy where you are?
( side note your are beautiful and I respect your choice and love that you are open. Just a question because that were I feel like I am closest to God and able to feel that I am spiritually progressing in ways that don’t happen T church or on my own)
Amber!! This is such a personal thing to publicly talk about and I think you are amazing and brave. I’ve found myself in a similar shift in thinking lately and your words helped me feel like I am not alone. Love this- keep being your authentic self!!
What a beautiful post, Amber!! You should be so proud of yourself for feeling confident to share this- I’m sure it was hard in many regards but it will impact so many in such a positive way.
Ive only ever heard apostles and prophets speak kindly and encourage kindness towards everyone, no matter their sexual orientation. I don’t think they will ever get to have a temple marriage or partake in any ordinances, but I personally know several gay/lesbian members who love the church and have callings and are accepted. I also was in young women’s for years, and one of the other leaders gave a lesson on how it’s fine for the mom to work and the dad to stay home if they want. And every family should do what’s best for them. Most of the women in my ward are working moms! I think it could be different in certain areas, but most of the things I read that were concerns for you aren’t much of a concern that I’ve seen, which is good 🙂 I’m so glad that you know you have agency, and I’m so sorry that so many other lds people forget that. And they forget not to judge and they forget to love everyone. I guess they use their agency in a different way. I was not raised lds but I see things black and white. I love the commandments. But I also know that that is MY choice and other people can choose what they want to do. The wards I have been in have never felt judgmental to me. People have only ever been nice, but I’ve also only ever gone to small town wards, never big cities. I don’t know if that makes a difference. You and David are great examples of how a family should be. There is nothing more important than spending time with your family. I hope that lds people remember that everyone has agency, and I hope they use theirs to keep any rude thoughts they have to themselves. Thanks for sharing your experience amber!
Thank you for sharing!
Wow, this was brave and made me emotional to read. Soooo many people feel this exact same way (including me) but no one says it out loud! I feel like I could have written this. You’re amazing!
The ultimate goal is not peace and happiness in this life… It’s to follow Christ and set our sights on eternity… Also, where does Heavenly Mother come from? That is not biblical at all. Other than that, I commend you for being open and vulnerable and sharing your experiences. No matter what the church, we need to be accepting and loving of each other and leave judgment to God.
Well maybe that’s not YOUR goal but peace and happiness is MY goal and I think it’s a lot of people’s goal. Heavenly Mother is not biblical and that’s the point. I’m making it a point to make it a part of how our family does our religion because it’s important to us.
Thank you so much for sharing amber!! Does Mormonism teach having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Just curious!
I love this post and appreciate your honesty! I grew up as a Mormon in the Philippines and have been following you ever since! I grew up in that mormon bubble and also felt shamed for some wrong things I’ve done which I think shouldn’t be that way. I hope that the shaming will end and that members will be more loving, accepting and respecting of one another. I also want to teach my kids that. You and David are doing amazing in raising your family and I love your insights!!! Thank you for speaking out on this topic that most are afraid to talk about.
Love this post! You are so raw and real on a topic that many shy away from. I am no longer a member of the church, but have so much respect for you and the way you are living your life. Your perspective on these topics hit home hard for me and it felt so refreshing to read your words. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much! Being a member I really appreciate all you have said because I honestly am similar in so many ways and have felt so many of the same things as you. I love your view and it has really helped me feel more accepted and normal. We need more people like you to help those in the middle who struggle! Nothing but love and support for you! 💕
I think ALOT of LDS women are in the exact same place with their faith that you are. Thank you for normalizing these things 👏
So much respect for you and your deep thinking and honesty reflected here. This was so authentic and beautifully written.
I am not LDS, but imagine your words will be enormously helpful to many who are LDS and others who are in other religions that are strict towards women and social norms. BRAVO, Amber – so well done!
Thanks for sharing Amber. I really relate to your experience and hope that with time more space and way less judgment is made in the church for people who don’t do things in a traditional sense. It takes a lot of reflection, courage and sometimes pain to figure out how to be apart of the church and still create an environment that feels and works best for your personal beliefs. I know I am still in the thick of it myself and wish you peace as you continue with your spirituality. Thanks for the vulnerability, it’s nice to know other people feel the same as me. Xoxo
I think it’s interesting you touched on judgement because as someone who shared intimate corners with you, you judged me quite a bit. In fact you made comments about my modesty that made me question my “intentions”.
It sounds like you’ve come a long way since then and I full heartily believe people can change. I’m happy you’ve found peace in the church and within yourself. This world needs more understanding and I feel like that’s the path you’re on. Thank you for sharing on your platform.
We shared intimate corners when we were barely 20 and yes at that time I was part of the culture of seeing modesty in one way and for that I am sorry and it likely came from insecurity. I don’t know what instance you’re referring to exactly but I have always thought highly of you even though we had our moments. I think we were more alike than we knew but I was just immature. Thankfully we can learn from our mistakes and move on and be better. Wish you the very best.
You are extraordinarily brave. Speaking from your heart about any topic, but especially religion, is so difficult. Thank you for your transparency. Please continue with your work- you touch so many lives
Thank you for opening your heart up! I grew up in a Christian home and have similar beliefs as you do. I for sure was the rebellious one growing up and drifted from God during my college years. Once I had children and met my husband, I began rekindling my relationship with God. So cool to hear your story because I can certainly relate in some ways growing up in a Christian church!
Amber, thank you for speaking your truth. I would be a hypocrite if I said that I had never judged you for not wearing your garments. I used to judge you hardcore. To the point that I unfollowed you because I felt uncomfortable. But as the years went by I think I slowly started to see the internalized sexism I had allowed to fester in my own heart and I wanted to say publicly that I’m sorry for judging you. It was never my place to do so. I hope things are going well with your family.
Such a fascinating post. I truly don’t have any experience in my real life with any Mormons – but, several of the bloggers I follow are, you included! It’s just interesting to learn about different cultures, religions, all of it. I think it’s great you’ve taken your upbringing and made your own decisions and molded your “take” on it. Good for you!
I can relate to a lot of what you articulated with my experience in the Seventh Day Adventist church. There’s a lot of shame and absolutism that I think will continue to turn young people and young families away if they don’t do what we did and separate a human’s translation of God, the church and the Bible. It’s hard. But I know God is real and God is love. Jesus came on to Earth to show us how to live and humans still keep getting it wrong. Jesus was a social progressive and remained Godly & faithful. That’s my model and like you will teach my toddlers the same… especially about empowering self worth and not ancient gender roles
What a beautiful healthy spiritual outlook Amber. Bravo to you! We need more of these conversations at church.
Holy Cow Amber, I don’t think I have ever loved a post more! I grew up in Orem, Utah as a Mormon and relate to being on the more “rebellious” side and every word you said is exactly how I feel about everything! I’ve always struggled and was made to feel bad for not caring about modesty at all or wanting a career and not just being only a mom. As well as not agreeing with the church’s stance on LGBTQ+ was hard since I had friends and family hurt by it. In high school I was able to fake it til you make it being a member but now graduated and at college/working it was hard to stay a member. The past three years being on my own I have struggled so much with not being a “perfect” or an “all in” member and it led me to become inactive, but just reading this post makes me feel like I’m actually accepted and understood! I can still be a member! I always thought about going back to church, but just couldn’t get myself to with all those feelings and not being your “typical perfect” member but I feel like my prayer was finally answered! If you could please keep sharing your beliefs and thoughts on the church I would love it so much! I feel like I just have a sigh of relief cause I have found someone I can relate with! Thank you so much! You have no idea how much I needed this!
Hello! I just wanted to say I’m glad you can relate to Amber’s experience and I hope that your spiritual journey leads you to many others who make you feel safe and understood as well! If you decide to return please stay true to yourself and know that there are so many others who need your voice. As an active member with lots of “dissenting” opinions I always say we need more active members to express their differing views so the church will be a better place for all God’s children, especially the marginalized who aren’t as safe or often not taken as seriously when advocating for themselves. Thanks for being you ❤️
Lovely article. I am not religious myself but I am intrigued about religion in general so I found the article so interesting. I respect anyone’s decision to find their way and it makes me sad that you had to go through the experience you had. I think jealousy and insecurity is not save from any religion and sometimes it can play itself out in a nasty way. Thank you so much for writing this 😊 lots of love ❤️
I really appreciate your honesty!! We’ve had plenty of issues with our church experience too – to the point where we don’t go at all right now. It’s a breath of fresh air to hear about your personal experience navigating a lot of the same issues we have. Love to you and your family!
Good for you! I hope you are are able to find your place in the Mormon church, as long as you want it. The Mormon church will be better for it.
I left Mormonism about 15 years ago, but I didn’t leave as a total rejection of how I was raised- I started leaving because I internalized those values *too* much.
I believe in love and kindness. And as an adult I didn’t see those values reflected back at me in Mormons or Mormonism. I saw a lot of nice people, but I didn’t see kind people.
The Mormon church and its membership need to embrace the people in its congregations and outside its doors. I hope you can help them with that… as long as you want to.
This post literally made me cry! Also, this the first time I’ve ever commented on anything on social media. I left the church before I had kids and everyone made me feel like I was going to be unhappy and would not live with my family after I die. I do not believe that. I love Jesus and God and have a great relationship with both. I love how open minded you are Amber! The most important thing is to love everyone right? We have no idea what they have been through, or what they are going through in life. God loves all his children.
I applaud you so much for this!!!!! I resonate with this so much and I know so many other people who feel the same but are to afraid to just be themselves for fear of that judgement. I’m in Utah and normalizing all that you said I know would make such a great impact!
Ahhhhh Amber. THANK. YOU. This has honestly made me feel less alone. Right now I’m buying clothes that don’t fit the standard.. and I’m ok with that ✌🏽.
I’ve never felt right about it all (modesty) if I’m honest because I think it comes from the pressure of actually being perfect in the way we dress. I actually don’t wear my garment top for medical reasons, and I still feel judged. But right now I’m extremely content with it. Heavenly Father knows me. You said this sooooo so right, and I honestly can not thank you enough for sharing this. I respect you fully. I’m very much a case of ‘you do you’ now. I feel like I was slightly brainwashed as a child/teenager into judging people who wore shorter dresses. Now? I’m quite the opposite. I don’t care. Because quite frankly it has nothing to do with me. 😂😂 I’ve forgiven myself though because I feel like it was a society and community way of thinking, that fed into my heart. It’s hard, but I think if we all come with love for each other we will end up being happier. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Much love!
Honestly, I initially started following you years ago because I loved David’s photography (I’m a photographer myself) & your fashion. This blog post made me so emotional, because so many people can relate to this feeling of being judged & feeling insecure, regardless of religion. Thank you for being real & true because these messages will help so many people!
-Jessica Wolfe, Montreal- Adorro Photo
Amber, this was such a wonderful post! I grew up in the church, and have a family that is very devout LDS, but sometimes feel like an outsider because I have so many questions and hesitations. Thank you so much for this!!!
I have followed you on and off. I’m the “minority” here in Utah, not Mormon and grew up Catholic, and not religious at all now because I have certain issues with my own religion. I have made wonderful friends that are part of your church and they too are struggling with everything you have mentioned here. Religion is such a personal thing and I hope you find your happiness. All I can do is listen to my friends and not judge them and just let them know I’m there for them. Leaving a religion like Mormonism or finding ways to practice it that feel acceptable to you, while living in Utah, is such a difficult decision because it’s so ingrained in the culture here too and it also affects the entire family. I hope you can find peace in your religion.
Thank you for your openness about this topic, it must have been difficult since the subject is so delicate. I am looking forward to your next testimonial. Honestly, you give me hope. I am raised an atheist, though I have always been curious about religion. Some part of me wants to be adopted in a church, but at the same time I can’t because I strongly disagree with the church’s view in Some topics such as homosexuality and -in specific circumstances- abortion and euthanasia. Your testimonial gave me hope that I might find a way to turn to God but not having to give up my beliefs about certain topics. Perhaps you could give me -and others like me- some guidance in this. Thanks again ❤️
Great post Amber! Honestly brought tears to my eyes reading it. So much weight on the shoulders of women in the church. My husband and I recently left the church with our 4 children. Having 3 little girls I couldn’t bare the thought of raising them in the lds church. It was paralyzing leaving and figuring out how we were going to raise our kid’s without the church but, once we fully stepped out so much opened up to us and I think we’ll be better, stronger, healthier parents for leaving. I truly love that you think independently of what we’re taught in the Mormon church; hopefully posts like these inspire change!
My heart breaks that you endured such negativity and hurtful comments for so long! That is an unfortunate byproduct of imperfect members blowing up the simple things in the church, taking them to extremes in order to try and feel better about their own standing. Truly sorry for that! My upbringing was very similar. I truly believe our one main goal is to love others. Whether they are LGBTQ+ or not, a member or not, or navigating their own beliefs within the church. It’s not even the bishops job to judge; it’s his job to guide with love. Anyone who feels the need to shed their opinion on someone’s choices, needs to spend a little more time on their own relationship with God. We are not meant to understand eveything and have every answer in this world! God knows this, that’s how he made us to be! I think listening to your spirit and doing what feels right for you is the best thing you can do! That’s how you will fine inner peace amongst the tumultuous and ever changing society we live in. Much love to you and your family. Your kids are beyond lucky to have you as their mom.
Amazing article. Thank you for your honesty on the topic. It was very interesting and I love reading your view. I am not a member of any religion but I agree with a lot of what you mentioned. Keep up being such a great voice 💜
You are the best.
Thank you so much for sharing this!!
Loved this post! I struggled with all of these same things for years, and really, still do. I think something that so often gets left out of living as member of the church is if you’re happy! There are expectations to be met, and sacrificing certain things are seen are righteous and holy sacrifice. When I was trying to figure things out, one of my closest friends told me “this is not about you, this is about God. You’re going to have to sacrifice the joy til you adjust.” NO. I refuse to sacrifice being happy, for living something that I don’t even agree with or believe. I can’t fathom that God is okay with us feeling suppressed or unhappy, just to follow some arbitrary rules. I will never buy into that. I’ve ultimately left the church, for a myriad of reasons, and I’m not bitter towards the people or the organization itself. I love them, and in some ways am appreciative of some things that growing up in the church brought to my life. I just know I will never thrive there. Since leaving, I’ve fully come into myself I’m so many ways, and I’ve built a true relationship with God — one where I feel empowered, inspired, and loved for exactly the way I am. It’s not one that was expected, or one that follows any sort of religious construct, but it works for me. Faith is so hard to navigate as it is, and to do so with the audience you have must have added so much weight! I’m so glad you’ve been able to find the balance that makes sense to you, for you and your family, and that you have found joy in that! Thank you so much for sharing! 🥰
What I really wish Mormons would know is that the Jesus of the Bible is infallible. The Book of Mormon contradicts the Bible in so many ways and adds unnecessary rules and traditions and ends up being a legalistic way that wards and bishops can abuse their authority in the way you experienced. While the Bible does talk about modesty, there is absolutely nothing about undergarments. This is something Mormon leaders made up. Modesty is an attitude of the heart above all things. I would challenge you to pick up a Bible (not a Mormon Bible, an actual Bible in ESV or CSB translation for readability) and see that the God of the Bible is not the same as the God of the Mormon church. I think you would find great comfort in knowing that true salvation in Christ is not based on the rules of the Mormon church. I would also encourage you to find a pastor at a local Christian church and have them explain this all more in depth with you and answer some of your questions. Jesus loves you more than you know and His Truth can set you free from so many past hurts and disappointments.
Such a good read Amber! I wish more people (and churches) had these viewpoints. This 100% just isn’t for those who practice Mormonism who feel out of place in their faith. Praise to you for doing what’s true to yourself!
Thank you! This means so much to me!! I have a similar view/situation. Beautifully written and I loved and appreciated the honesty. Xoxo
Thank you so much, not only for sharing your story but also presenting such a refreshing perspective on standards and “sins”. This reminds me of my struggle with the word of wisdom – not a struggle in keeping it because I genuinely dislike feeling influenced by substances, but a struggle with understanding it and how it came to mean what it does. Joseph Smith drank tea, and Hyrum Smith said that hot drinks does not mean coffee and tea, yet we are obsessed with this idea of “no coffee” and so judgemental of those who don’t keep this “standard”. Similarly, modesty standards were very different in Joseph Smith’s time. Garments used to be pant length! So how can we assume that today’s standards are the end all be all of modesty, or required to be a good member? I guess my point is, these so-called standards are so superficial and arbitrary. However, a ubiquitous principle that Christ ALWAYS taught was not to judge others. I would say this is the most violated in church culture and yet it’s the easiest for us to overlook! It’s hypocritical and frustrating, and I’m so sorry you’ve had those experiences, but I’m also so grateful you choose to continue to participate because I feel the church needs more voices who are unafraid to share different views so that the church can continue to progress and change in positive ways. 💕
Interesting post! I’m not Mormon (LDS), but as a Christian I believe that praying for your future spouse is hugely important and I don’t think we should discourage those prayers. There is enough of the world screaming at us to “focus on yourself.” Im so thankful my family prayed over my future spouse and that in my mid 20’s when I desired a husband, I spent time in deep prayer while also bettering my relationship with the Lord. I believe that steadfast prayer (and a loving Father) is the reason I have the most faithful God-fearing husband today. Just my humble opinion, but thank you for using your platform to share your faith!
Thank you so much for sharing such intimate details about your journey with the church. I really enjoyed learning about this and I respect you even more than I did before. Thank you, amber <3
Amber – it broke my heart when you shared what people were saying about you and David in the forums. It’s crazy to me that people can view you as a bad example when all I see is a kick butt mom and business woman!!
Thank you for sharing your story! Loving the new blog update ❤️
Thank you thank you thank you. I stopped wearing garments after years, because I would lie awake at night in misery, “How am I going to do this…forever?” I dreaded my life. Thank you for using your public voice to be our voice.
Thank you thank you thank you. I stopped wearing garments after years, because I would lie awake at night in misery, “How am I going to do this…forever?” I dreaded my life. Thank you for using your public voice to be our voice.
I give you props for speaking up and following your own path! I do have a question that maybe you can answer in next post? I find it interesting how the Mormon faith doesn’t allow drinking alcohol or caffeine and it seems doesn’t promote tattoos either. So things that alter or harm the body in some way. Yet a lot of the LDS women I follow on IG (which is also a crazy amount of influencers) are okay to get Botox, fillers and plastic surgery. How is that considered okay in the faith but having a drink or getting a tattoo isn’t? I mean to each their own I just find it so interesting and would love to hear more! Thanks again for opening up question for us, especially those of us outside of the faith.
Ooh yes! I was wondering the same!
I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ and wanted to reply to your question. We have a document the “Word of Wisdom” that counsels us not to drink alcohol, tea, and coffee, using drugs or smoking. It’s also counsels us to eat meat sparingly, eat fruits and vegetables. I believe it is a plan for healthy living, and helps us to avoid addictions. I believe my body is a gift from God, and I want to take the best possible care of it! While some people might want to get fillers or botox, or plastic surgery, I don’t believe that can lead to addictions, impair your judgment or cause harmful effects to your body. Of course there are risks with everything, but generally speaking, getting Botox, doesn’t cause harmful effects in your body. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I wish that family members had been able to follow these guidelines. I am so grateful for my health and I’ve had botox and fillers and love my results!
Amber I am so honored that you shared this part of your life with us… something that you did not have to do! ❤️ Thank you for the wonderful insight and also congratulations on all of the HARD work you have done processing your feelings and relationship with the church. The work shows girlfriend!
I love this, and you so much! Good job girlfriend 💖
Well guess what. Heavenly Father knows your heart and I believe that is all that matters. Sounds like you have an amazing relationship with Him, David, and your children and I admire how much you put them as your first priority. You are such a genuinely sweet person and EW to anyone who thinks otherwise! ❤️
I am so sorry about what happened to you @ church. My husband was a PK and won’t go back to the church as well. It’s really a shame. There is no perfect church, no perfect people only One perfect God. I hope you find Gods plan for you on this journey. I’m glad you’re talking about Him. He is the point of life! Gus Bless you and your family. 🤗
I can’t wait for part 2. I was born into the LDS church as well and I agree with everything you said and I’m so glad you are sharing these things! Love you and your family ❤️
Thank you for sharing. I’m sure it was a lot to think about. I’m not a LDS member, but as a Christian, I loved learning more about your heart ❤️❤️❤️! You are so right in that God loves you just as you are!
Thank you. I have been so lost in the church for a while and when I had my daughter I wasn’t sure I wanted her raised in the church at all. The idea of her being taught certain things freaks me out. Garments always felt like I was being trapped and made me so sad for so many people years. When I had the baby I decided I wasn’t going to practice something unless I truly believed in it. And that’s when I could have a healthier relationship with God again.
Amber has ALWAYS been a breath of fresh air. Loved this post
I respect you so much for being open and honest about this! I think this will help a lot of struggling people who feel very similarly to you. My heart hurts that so many people have said so many hurtful things to you, and I am sorry you had to experience that. I am glad you have found some peace in all of this heartache. I don’t know if I could have done the same after so many hurtful comments! I love you for being unapologetically yourself! Keep doing you ❤️
This is beautiful amber! So well written & honest
From a Pentecostal sister in Australia
I loved this fresh perspective. I’m not Christian at all but it’s nice to know that you have a more liberal approach and are welcoming rather than the opposite. You rock, don’t ever change! * I hope you know this reference
Reading this honestly made me emotional. I can’t even believe how much I relate to this post. From being a promiscuous teen, the guilt I felt with that, not ever wearing garments and if I do it was because I feel pressured to, and just disagreeing with a lot of the things taught within the church. I’ve always felt the need to hold these things in and not share because I have so many family members and friends who will be disappointed in me for “making the church look bad.” Reading this made me want to be true to what I believe within the church which is mainly that Heavenly Father loves me and accepts me for who I am. Thank you for posting this. I can’t tell you how much I needed it.
Im curious – you said the ultimate goal is to find peace and happiness in life, but I thought the Bible said our purpose in life is to bring others to Him? Through witnessing to others, raising our children, etc. I didn’t think he cared about our happiness as much as he cared about us spreading his word?
Hi! I hope you don’t mind me responding, in case Amber doesn’t get around to it.
Mormons have a unique perspective about the purpose of life that comes from a Book of Mormon scripture that reads “Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they might have joy.”
Central to the Mormon belief system is the “plan of salvation”, which explains our purpose in this life and our goals for the next. It’s often called the “plan of happiness” too.
In my experience the purpose of missionary work and bringing others to Him is to help them experience joy as well. I served a mission actually and can say from experience that the main reason anyone accepts Christ is because they’re looking for the peace and joy that He brings. Those who are happy in their lives with or without faith tend not to seek Him and that’s okay. That’s actually something I appreciate about Mormon doctrine, that Gods plan of happiness has a place for everyone to be happy – irregardless of their faith.
Unfortunately there are a lot of people who think that others lives need to look like their own or that their spiritual journey needs to happen a certain way and reach a certain destination and that’s where a lot of judgement comes from in the Mormon church but I think it’s pretty universally agreed among Mormons that God wants all of his children to be happy! I hope that answered your question 🖤
Thank you so much for your honesty. Appreciate hearing your testimony journey and how you’ll teach your children. Sounds like a very balanced and open way to do things and I can relate.
Thank you for this post Amber! I grew up Catholic and have struggled in very similar ways as you did. I am not active but am still very in touch with my spirituality and feel close to god. I don’t believe that you need to be part of an organized religion to have relationship with god, but growing up that way is how I learned and grew in faith. Now that I’m a mom, I’ve been struggling with how to teach my son about god without religion if that makes sense.
Anyway, thank you for putting yourself out there. It’s so relatable and I don’t feel so alone 🙂
Hi Amber, thanks for sharing your thoughts! It seems like you have quite a bit of conflict with what you believe versus what your current church teaches. From what you are saying, it sounds like you disagree with quite a lot of what they teach. I am just curious, would you consider joining a different religion that fits your beliefs better?
Hi! Loved what you had to say! It upsets me that you are judged so much on this platform. I don’t agree with some things about the church and that’s ok!! Jesus Christ message is about lifting each other up and to love your fellow brothers and sisters. My faith in the gospel and in Christ is always evolving, as it should. It sounds like yours is too! Thank you for speaking up.
I loved so many things you said in this post! I am an active member as well. I’m sorry for some of the church culture things hmm that have happened to you. I love your comment on ebb and flow! Questions are good! Personal revelation is amazing and PERSONAL! Testimonies are like a house… just because the light is out in one room (meaning you don’t understand or know the answer yet) doesn’t mean you throw away your whole house. It just means you can close that door for a while or find a lightbulb that fits for you. Then maybe change it later. That analogy has always helped me feel low pressure and help me do my own study to find answers. It’s so freeing to know my only job is my relationship with God and to love everyone no matter what. When someone starts commenting judgmentally it’s the best feeling to just say “not my job!” and move forward with love. Jesus does the rest. I think you are an amazing example of family, generosity, and kindness. You can see light in you, David and your kids’ faces! I hope you receive only love from this brave post!
i’m Catholic, and i agree with the part that is not the religion the problem, but the people… we are taught to be kind and accept others, but when you make a “mistake” judging is the first thing people do. We also have to confess our sins, and it just becomes a kind of annoying process, and just like you said: kinda embarrassing that i can’t take the sacrament if i have sins. nobody is perfect. Anyway, it’s usually the people that make others want to stop going to mass or practicing a religion. I loved reading this Amb!
I was raised Mormon and left the church at 18 and sooo much of what you just said resonated with me! I too was more “rebellious”, at least by Mormon standards and the shame and guilt associated with that was unbearable. It was like my peers and the adults meant to help guide me wanted to push me out. I also really appreciated what you said about people leaving the church being happy because I am very happy. Growing up I feel like people who left the church were always looked at in a way that made them seem sad or dirty, like how could they possibly exist without the church? Anyway, I really liked your post and identified with so much of what you said.
“Pray for your future husband”!!?!?!
Im not from your church, so Man that stuck out at me. Tall about sending a message to young girls
I really respect you for writing about your beliefs. Religion is so personal to the believer. I can relate to a lot of the conflicting feelings you shared and it helps to know I’m not alone in this. Thank you.
I’m sorry people are mean. I think most people question things about the church (and everything) which they should! And it should be ok to have questions and whatever your answer is to them might be different than someone else’s because we are individuals! Thanks for sharing this, you made me feel better about things I question that don’t even have to do with mormonism
Well said. It baffles me that people can’t be non judgemental and let others do their own thing like you said. I agree with so much you said despite believing some different things myself.
It is 100% so different depending where you grew up and your family etc. Where I grew up, so many of the things you said girls were taught and other things didn’t happen where I was. No one told me to pray about my future husband and sew and be a housewife. I was taught that we are all equal in the eyes of God, that I can do anything, and was not pressured to think about marriage or be modest etc. I was taught that obviously it’s normal to have sexual feelings and that they’re not something to be ashamed of. I was taught that people come from all walks of life and we love them all the same. I really can’t comprehend how people don’t see that’s the case and we are not in a position to judge. So many thoughts lol.
Well said, thanks for sharing.
Hi I love your insta and loved this post it was awesome you opened up you probably don’t remember me I grew up in your ward your mom is the sweetest YW leader I ever had you have an amazing family💕 I remember it was a strict ward to grow up in it was hard to be a teen in the Bubble there of the ward and Mesa. Still love Mesa but I’m no longer a member for several years now my husband and I are very happy being a non denominational Christian raising my children this way has been freeing. I love coffee, Jesus and not wearing garments ever again 😏 I wish I would have given myself permission to be myself long ago I would have saved myself a lot of pain and self hatred body issues I went through. I’m really happy to hear the Lds church is a lot better place these days but even better to hear is you stand up for yourself know what your ok with 💗
As a completely non religious person I found this so interesting, thanks for sharing. Living in a country outside of the US that has much less of a focus on religion I’m always amazed by what a big deal it is in the US. Very different here in Australia. Sounds like you have found a way to experience your religion that works for you personally which is great. I think religions generally try to exert pressure and control over people through shame and fear which is horrible. So good to hear you found a way to get through that.
Hi Amber! Love your vulnerability, I was raised Catholic and there’s so much I don’t agree with either but compared to LDS feels much less restricting. I’ve had a hard time coming to peace with the fact that I’m not a “perfect” Catholic either. I’ve felt ostracized but have come to a place where I feel confident about my beliefs and don’t care what anyone else says but deep down I know I still mourn the loss of a “community” I was born into. I’m no one to give advice to an online stranger but if it’s peaked your interest before, there’s nothing wrong with exploring different churches that might suit your family best. I write this as a reminder to myself and you, we’re not tied to any church. Send you lots of love! Love the blog’s new look!!
SO relatable. Thank you so much for sharing! I think a lot of girls needed to hear this to not feel alone, and know they don’t need to just hit the expected check marks to be awesome people and that their relationship with God is between the two of them.
Spirit > letter of the law, gospel > culture, and love > everything.
Hi, Amber!
I just want to say that growing up in Hillcrest I always looked up to you. You were always kind and had a spark that helped me not to be afraid to be myself around the ward. Thank you for being you!
Merci Amber 💗 for this very interesting and open article. I cannot wait for part 2 !
Thank you a million times over for saying so perfectly all the things that so many of us feel and think!
Wow. Loved this. Thank you for sharing the taboo ❤️
Amber, first, I need to apologize: a while back you posted on IG about how you loved a latte. I responded, “Aren’t you a Mormon?” That was so presumptuous and judgmental of me. I knew you were LDS and I thought you should be a better example. Yet, I left the church 6 years ago because I just couldn’t live the gospel as “perfectly” as I was expected to. And yet, there I was reflecting that back onto you. Unfortunately, the culture of the church makes it easy for people to shame one another, and that can only change if people can express themselves just as genuinely as you have. My daughter was asked not to go to Young Women’s after she came to church with a nose piercing. I asked the YW President if she would rather have her leave for a stupid reason or have her attend and be welcomed no matter what she was wearing, etc. For, isn’t that the way Christ loved all his children? Thank you for helping all people, members and non-members, recognize that true Christianity is unconditional love for one another. I am humbled by your courage. Thank you! Oh, and I love a latte, too!
Omg Amber! I just want to start off by saying for so long now I’ve enjoyed following your journey. I think your such an amazing wife, mother and of course a killer boss babe. Breaks my heart to hear all that you have gone through to hold strong to your beliefs and testimony. I’m sick to my stomach thinking about the forum going on about your family. No one should ever ever be treated that way. It is not our place to judge or shame, but to love, serve and accept one another. Thankfully we have a loving HF that knows each of us, knows our heart, knows our trials and hardships. He is here for us and he wants the best for us. I hope you know you are loved by so many. I am so thankful you posted this blog topic because even though I’m sure that was so incredibly hard to be vulnerable and open up about this. I know your views and testimony will helps so many that can relate in different ways. You are so Brave and Strong! You are headed in the right direction and I pray our church is far off. Thank you and Love you Amber! -XoXo one of the night owls.
Sorry meant to say * I pray our church isn’t far off.
I literally clapped out loud at 11pm for you! You rock Amber!
I am not a member of your church, and I quite frankly didn’t know much about it. But I actually am proud and clapped for you as I kept reading! You are doing one heck of great job at being perfectly you!
I’m so sorry to say I was one in the past to comment: uh that’s not a modest dress, otherwise it’s cute and you were like thanks.
I agree with your church part one post so much! I think talking about things more openly brings understanding & change views.
Thanks for sharing & sorry for my comment in the past.
Hi Amber! I’ve been following your blog since Atticus was born (I’m an American who lives abroad on NZ but lived near Annecy when you did, too!) & I just want to applaud you for everything you’ve said. I think you are so brave and courageous and intelligent and admirable for believing in/ standing up for your faith without embarrassment or shame and also doing things your own way when all religions can frequently quell critical thinking. Bravo to you for following your heart and bravo to you for showing others how to do so with such grace and poise. Get ‘Em girl!!!! Loved reading this and can’t wait for part II. Your kids and the Church are lucky to have you 🤍
I love this so much. I was raised in the LDS church and left a long time ago. I am always very curious how people could feel the same way I did about certain things (many that you mentioned) yet still choose to remain active and involved in the church. I think this is a really wonderful perspective for people who feel similarly but just leaving completely isn’t what they want. Choosing your own path and knowing your own relationship with god rather than having someone else tell you what that needs to be is such a refreshing take on this topic. I’m not sure if I’m explaining my feelings properly, especially since I left the church completely. Basically I just really loved reading this perspective and I hope someone reading this who is “on the fence” can know they’re not alone as they find the path best for them.
I really appreciate your post! I’m one of those Provo-bubble members and over the years I’ve learned from people like you, that share your testimony and feelings so beautifully and openly, how much I have judged in the past. Thank you for helping me learn and thank you for your example. I haven’t been following you for very long and therefore haven’t known a lot of your story but I have noticed what a good mom you are and that family is number one to you. Thanks for being so open and honest, I think sharing your experience is very needed in the church!! xoxo
This is such a brave post! You are a strong, honest, and I love your authenticity. I have a similar story with feeling shame, not feeling comfortable being told I had to wear garments if I wanted my marriage to be eternal. I was in a ward in Manhattan and unfortunately had a similar experience with some of the women because I was attending school and I was surprised at the unsupportive comments from a few of the women. I am wondering how much you know about other peoples stories in the church? Have you listened to Mormon stories? Benji Shwimmers is one that sticks out to me. Also if you have read the CES letter? How do you reconcile attending church and trying to balance the things your kids are learning that aren’t exactly accurate? I ask because I am so conflicted I feel like I am in the middle and can totally relate here and with the things you have said. Another great book I have heard is “Stages of faith”. I haven’t read this yet. Thank you for this post ❤️
I was raised completely secular, but I am a social scientist so I have a true fascination for the ways in which religions influence societies and people, and I really appreciate your honesty with the Mormon “bubble” and how it affected you. I hope that no matter the turns your journey in faith may take, that you continue to speak up for yourself, your kids, and broader social good.
QUEEN!!!! SHIT!!!!!! RIGHT!!!!!!! HERE!!!!!!!!!
❤️ thank you so much for sharing
The part where you said that girls don’t need to be praying for their future husband really, really hit me.
I don’t know if you’ll see this but I commented just in case maybe you will.
My husband passed away unexpectedly last year at the age of 27. I am 28. I’ve spent a lot of time these last several months thinking about my future and knowing I don’t want to be alone forever, while deeply grieving my husband. Although I’m not Mormon, I am Christian. I’ve found myself wondering if I’ll ever be in another relationship again, love someone else again and I’ve been praying for whoever that person might be, that they’re safe right now and that we find each other when the timing is right. But what you said, called me out completely but in a way I really needed to hear. I know you were speaking about young girls when you said that but I feel like I needed to hear that it’s me and only me that I should be focusing on. My healing. My hurting. My story and what I want out of the rest of my life without my husband, my best friend and trusting that God is in control and I don’t need to be worrying about anyone else.
Thank you for saying that. I’d love to believe I would’ve gotten to that place on my own but I probably wouldn’t have.
Today I start working on me, for me and trusting that Gods got me and knows what lies ahead. Thank you, Amber.
This really resonated with me. Especially your experiences and thoughts on being raised as a girl in the church. The emphasis on men and centering them played a part in some abusive relationships I found myself in at a YOUNG age, and I shouldered so much of the blame and shame until a bishop actually helped me see the manipulation I had been experiencing. I’m still so grateful for that bishop, but even still it took me until adulthood to understand that much of what I thought/think and feel about woman and men dynamics stems from sexist viewpoints. And I see that to be a cultural problem within the church more than anything. I love the gospel and all it’s done for me and my relationship with God and Christ, but it’s a lot of work to separate culture from doctrine. Thank you so much for sharing, and cheers to raising our daughters and sons to be more confident, capable, and KIND. Love you!
WISH I WAS YOU !!!
I think I speak for a lot of people when I say this post has been long awaited and did not disappoint! You obviously don’t owe anyone an inside look at your relationship with God/the church but I know it has been so requested and I am so thankful that you posted about it. Your candor and confidence in sharing your feelings while acknowledging that everyone isn’t going to agree with you and that’s okay – that is something that I have so desired in my experience with religion/church and just generally in life. Thank you Amber – your words are more appreciated than you know.
Oh Amber, I’m so glad you’re back! I truly missed reading your blogposts.
And how amazing you’ve started with such an interesting topic. Thank you so much for this insight. I truly believe in the profound power of love and so I send you an your family lots of love and sunshine.
I feel that the way you “do religion” is the way many people relate to their respective faiths. Sometimes the idealogy can be fairly antiquated but the core of the beliefs and values is something you relate with and believe in. I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to practice religion. No person has the authority to judge and you’re the only one who knows where you stand. Thank you for sharing your journey and giving me an insight into something I know little about. If you take care of your family, respect your fellow humans, and don’t lie, cheat, or steal, what wrong have you done?
Wow! So interesting for me. I am not familiar with the LDS church so I was really intrigued (and a bit surprised too) to hear about the culture of being a member and the expectations. And the garments- literally had no idea they existed lol.
Thank you for being so honest and open- excited to hear more! Xx
You are SO LOVED and respected!! It breaks my heart to hear what some people have said about you or made you feel regarding your spirituality and place with God, but know you aren’t alone!! You are an amazing mama, great example, and I’m sure those kids that you teach Sunday school to absolutely admire you! At the end of the day the only thing that matters is that God and Christ wants us to feel their love and your testimony speaks that truth!! Thanks for sharing this incredibly personal experience 💖 a fan from day 1!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I know that I still have a lot to learn and grow within my testimony and thoughts around “church” but I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ and the love that Jesus, Heavenly Father and Heavenly Moth have for me is infinite. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and letting us feel the love you have for God! Your real-ness and vulnerability has touched my heart 🤍
Thanks for being brave enough to share your thoughts! Just know that if you don’t feel peace about the Mormon church and what their core beliefs are, you do have the freedom to leave it. Becoming a born again Christian brings long lasting peace and joy and is accepting to all.
I loved this! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Thank you for helping people like me not feel alone. The middle is a lovely place and I’m finding peace with that myself. Thank you for being so open and honest. ❤️
Thanks for opening up and being honest. I loved reading this. I am a former Mormon but I appreciate everyone’s faith journey and totally agree that the church should accept those in the “middle”. No one is in charge of your spiritually besides yourself and what you know is right! Keep doing you! I love how confident you have become!!!
Really loved this post! Been following you since you were pregnant with Atticus and have always been curious on your personal beliefs! Specifically loved “I don’t feel like I need to be a perfect example to be a good example” – you are so right!!! My
I love critical thinking, and this, and you.
I honestly think religion can be such a beautiful thing even though I am not a religious person.
I didn’t know anything about Mormons except that they do missionaries, live in Utah, and Sister Wives the TV show is kind of Mormon? Lol. I love hearing about other’s religions and there are so many things this taught me! I clicked alllll the hyperlinks lol. From how it sounds, it was very brave of you to share and to live the way you do publicly as ik internet trolls can be awful and I can’t imagine you’re own community bashing you, especially with something as sensitive as religion. I’m curious, your relationship with God seems solid and it sounds like you and your family are establishing a great relationship in your own way with your faith and religion, maybe someone else can answer too but, why not choose a different form of Christianity that better meets your beliefs? As I said, I’m a newbie to learning about this lol so maybe I have overstepped by asking this. This has been really thought provoking! I’m excited for more. I hope dialogs can be kept respectful and encouraging. Okay going to go google what garments look like now.
Firstly, I want to say that I am so, so sorry that you’ve been ostracized by members of the church. It’s so cruel and I don’t know why anyone would feel the need to be THAT bothered by someone living their faith in their own way or gossiping about you. So I am so sorry you experienced that. You seem so sweet, and undeserving of that treatment. I experienced similar things in a ward in D.C. but because of my political views. I didn’t know who to trust and who was really my friend. It was lonely.
Second, this was so brave of you to post and I commend you for it and for working through your faith and really trying to figure out where you fit in with all of it. It’s difficult to do. And members need to be more understanding that their conclusion about how they decide to live their religion is different from another’s, and that’s okay.
Anyway, nothing but love to you from here. I wish you luck on your journey, and your kiddos are lucky to have you and David as their parents.
Love this.
This is such a GREAT post, you are honest and vulnerable. And I admire and RESPECT how much you want to remain authentic as you navigate through your religion. You lead by example and this one more reason why I live following you.
Mahalo 🙂
I absolutely love everything about this & you!! My respect and admiration for you is through the roof. Thank you so much for your vulnerability & for showing us it’s okay to not have answers to everything. You are amazing!
Amber! You are a beautiful person inside and out! Being a member of the church, I understand a lot of your opinions. I love and agree with your thoughts! I fully believe that our “religion” and the choices we make are between two people, “you and God”! Anyway, I’m rambling, but I think you are great! A great mom, great expample, and great person (as much as I “know” you through the Internet 😂🙃) much Love 💕
Amber!!! Thank you so much! You literally wrote what I feel and think… I am so grateful you shared this, because it can feel so lonely. Thank you so much. All the best.
I get goosebumps watching/reading/seeing women confidently create a path for themselves in the world. This gives me hope, as a Christian, as a woman, as a human. I have been a person judging and gossiping about others and it feels a lot better to be on the other side. Hurt people hurt people – we all deserve not to be shamed and judged. Wish you ALL the best. Thank you for writing this, I really enjoyed reading it. You are an excellent role model and example for all of us.
YOU ARE MY TRIBE!!! Thank you for so eloquently stating all of my feelings about this subject. And for showing me that there are more like me out there — I’ve felt so incredibly alone in the church my entire life. Now I don’t. 🙂 XOXO.
I’ve always been curious about this aspect your life and can’t tell you how much I LOVED this post. So well articulated and straight up. Thanks for sharing and can’t wait for part 2!! ❤️
AMBER!! This is such an amazing post I have felt the same way about a lot of these things and it is so good to know I’m not alone 💕 I want to say thank you so much for sharing this because growing up in Utah and not knowing how to talk about my opinion without people being mean or rude was so so hard especially as a young teen. It makes me so happy to hear this, you are so amazing for just doing YOU!! I hope more people learn to accept everyone for who they are and what they believe! Love your page and everything you are about thank you so much again for sharing!!
This is incredible!!! Thank you for always being open and sharing!!
I appreciate you sharing your experience and opinions as they are just that alone.
LOVE LOVE LOVE what you said about women/girls. I totally agree! I also think sometimes people read more into church culture than church doctrine and that can be toxic especially when it comes to our LGBTQ+ community. We are ALL children of God and brothers and sister to Jesus. We are created uniquely by the greatest being of all.
I love this. I am a member of the LDS church and really appreciate you sharing this 💗 I like that you didn’t feel the need to “bash” the church in order to get your point across and share your thoughts on these topics. I think it’s so important to continue talking about these things and to be supportive of one another, LDS or not.
Amber, THANK YOU for bringing your perspective to the table. It brings me a lot of peace to read about another person who struggled with being comfortable with their sexuality and self in their younger years but almost felt guilt and shame about it.
I think everyone needs to read this because you bring so many valuable points to the table. Thanks again! 💙
Thank you so much for your openness and vulnerability. I am not Mormon or practicing any religion, but was raised in a very conservative SDA culture. So much of what you said touched my heart, I’m in tears to hear someone else has the same experiences and struggles navigating it all with kids and looking for a place to fit within a community. So many of these tough topics have been ongoing conversations in our home for years and I’m still searching for the best path.
Just thank you. ❤️
This post speaks to my soul. I love you for sharing this. From one on-the-fence, question-asking, soul-searching, meditating, spiritual, working mom and wife to another – don’t stop sharing this. Thank you thank you. Your Sunday school kids are lucky to learn from you. I hope you’re as honest with them as you were here.
Amber, this was amazing!! What a great insight into your opinion and view. Thank you for sharing this with us!
LOVE LOVE LOVE! You are a true gem! This was a o raw and it is very refreshing. I completely agree with everything you said. My views on the church are almost identical to yours. Glad to know I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing!
This is truly a vulnerable, honest & beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your journey through it, I’m sure so many people have similar struggles regardless of the religion they practice. This will resonate with so many and make them feel seen and not alone. It makes me so happy that you’re confident in what you believe in and your choices as a woman and momma! Keep doing you. Xoxo
I’ve followed you for a while and have always been curious on how you navigate your faith with your other beliefs (I was raised Catholic and have found myself almost completely estranged from the church over their mistreatment of the LGTBQ community, treatment of women, and obviously the horrible sexual abuse within the church). I just wanted to say I genuinely enjoyed reading this and can relate in that I too and trying to figure out my own path with my spirituality. I love seeing you and your cute family. Nothing but the best, x
Love this and how honest and open you are. I’m not part of the church but I’m glad to know there are people like you who have made it work for yourself and your family and not based on what others think is right – so refreshing! You’re amazing.